The season finale of the Real Housewives of Potomac left me with several questions: Where do Karen Huger and her husband Ray actually live? Will Ashley Darby ever poke enough holes in her husband’s condoms to get pregnant? Where was Monique Samuels all night? Did the producers throw this disjointed episode together last minute?
We pick up back in Great Falls where Robyn Dixon is dressed in full beard and delivering a pizza to Karen’s house while Gizelle Bryant and Ashley look on, laughing hysterically. Robyn gives the bell three tries before putting the half eaten pizza on the welcome mat and running back to the getaway car. Robyn admits that if someone rang her doorbell and she wasn’t expecting anyone, she wouldn’t answer either, so she’s not really surprised no one came to the door.
The next day Candiace Dillard and her fiancé Chris are discussing their upcoming engagement party that her dad is throwing. Chris has talked to his youngest two kids’ mom and maybe they will be able to come to the wedding. The oldest is a different story. Since he hasn’t seen him in 10 years he decides to write the teen a letter. Chris has a real fear of rejection. Candiace tells him to admit to his mistakes and try to make it better. She’s trying to be supportive.
Here’s where tonight’s episode starts getting weird to me. Back out in Great Falls Karen is in her mansion cooking Ray some breakfast. Take a look around – the producers want us to see that there’s not a piece of furniture out of place and no personal anything anywhere. Who knows…maybe Karen is a minimalist. The house is beautiful, sparse, and cold. No family photos, no kitschy mugs… just staged rooms like it is, dare I say it, a house on the market? The whole scene is very Stepford Wives. Karen serves him a croissant and they talk about France. Has Ray been out of town? Why are they just now discussing it? It’s not just the house that seems staged, the entire conversation seems scripted, but I’m going to roll with it. She asks Ray how he’s doing and he says that after some ups and downs the lawyers have finally solved the financial situation he had. Ray says he signed off on it a while ago, and Karen hops up and gives him a big hug like it’s all new news to her. In her talking head, the producers ask, “Did he come up with a payment plan?” Karen tells her to ask Ray. The producer presses for specifics, but the tax issue is in Karen’s rearview mirror, she’s not talking about it and she and Ray are in a good place now.
Ashley decides to visit a therapist to discuss Michael not wanting to have kids. This is not the first time he’s pushed back on having a baby with her. Season one he said to wait until the restaurant shows a profit then admitted that Ashley had no idea how long it usually takes a restaurant to just break even. Then in season two when they broke even he upped the condition and said that it had to be ongoing profits. Now he is raising this drivel that he fears Ashley will suck as a mom. The doctor simply asks Ashley why she wants to have kids with someone who needs to be convinced.
It’s Robyn’s son’s birthday and she and Juan are throwing Carter a go-cart party. Juan’s biological father is there and they’re happy that the boys have 2 grandpas now. They’re also proud that they’re able to afford the simple things like kids’ birthday parties once again. They talk about the psychic saying that Juan and Robyn are made for each other, and personally I really like Robyn when she’s with Juan and the boys and away from Gizelle. When she cuts the strings from the puppet master she’s a pretty cool lady.
Once again I’m taking issue with producers. Ashley and Michael are talking about France and just like Karen and Ray above, this seemed scripted like they did it once and then the cameraman was like “Oops the lens cap was on. Let’s take it again from the top.” However, they do show a flashback of Karen telling Ashley that “Michael moved Ashley out and moved her down the block to a sweatbox studio” which is everything. Michael has a few questions regarding Karen and Ray’s finances because it’s totally his business. Michael just doesn’t understand how they can rent! Whhhyyyyy?!? I really prefer staying on this topic, but Ashley brings up having a baby for the ba-jillionth time. Michael says he hasn’t weighed all the pros and cons yet. What a pussy cop-out. We’ve ALL been watching this tug of war for 3 solid years. Anyone of us could tell him the one pro and many cons of the two of them bringing a baby into this marriage. Here’s my pro list: (1) if it looks like Ashley then she will be really cute. (2) There is no 2. Ashley decides to give it until her 30th birthday.
Candiace and Chris arrive at their engagement party. Oh, look! Monique finally is in a scene! Monique’s just glad to be here because she thinks Candiace has proven to be a good friend. Charrisse Jackson Jordan arrives shortly before Karen and Ray. Ashley and Michael are in the car over. Ashley mentions that they are good at showing a united front but their relationship is truly up in the air. Gizelle arrives with her date, Robyn. Karen even gives Gizelle a hug which throws Gizelle off her game for a minute.
Once the women are seated, Chris comes over and gives them a little speech, thanking them for showing up to support Candiace. He then gifts them all embroidered napkins since he’d forgotten napkins at the picnic three months ago. It’s a sweet gesture, and Chris has come a long way since the brown penis days.
Ashley is a dog with a bone and can’t let Karen go. She sits next to Karen and immediately starts in on Ray. Glad he’s here. Oh look…you’re wearing your ring… Karen keeps her back to Ashley and ignores everything. Candiace, however, does not have the self-restraint of Karen, and she tells Ashley that doesn’t sound like a compliment. Candiace, you’re talking to Ashley. OF COURSE it’s not a compliment. This is the finale and you’re acting like it’s scene 1, episode 1! Karen turns to Ashley and says what may well go into my top 5 all-time favorite Housewives lines: The day she cares about Ashley’s opinion on anything from her marriage to her toenails is the day she will check herself into the insane asylum. Ha! She tells Ashley she gives nothing but lies.
On the other side of the party, Michael walks up to Ray and asks him where are you living right now? Ray looks at him like he’s a lunatic. He asks what are you talking about? You’ve been to my house. Michael asks him why he is living in a rental and says rental like it’s a sewer or something. Michael doesn’t think it makes sense but Ray doesn’t care if it doesn’t make sense to Michael. Ray is like, dude, f*** off. Get the hell out. Michael backs off and walks over to Karen to tattle on Ray. Whaaa!!! Ray was disrespectful! Karen asks what Ray said and Michael sniffs that Ray said it’s none of his business. Well then, Ray was telling the truth. Michael’s not Ray’s business partner, so why does he care? Karen decides that Michael and Ashley are a good match after all because they are both made out of the same moldy, messy cloth.
Gizelle asks Karen if she got a pizza delivered to her house a couple of days ago. Karen doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Gizelle fibs and says they all got pizza, didn’t you? Karen shrugs. The mystery continues…
Bravo gives us an update on everyone:
Candiace’s wedding is up to $175,000. I. Don’t. Care. Candiace darling, if you want a season 2, you really need to bring it at the reunion.
Ashley celebrated her birthday in Bhutan in a fertility temple where she prayed with a wooden penis. I think she would have gotten better results finding a strapping 30-ish Bhutanese in the hotel bar. Just sayin’.
Gizelle is in the market for a bigger house that can accommodate her girls and her mom. Word on the street is that a man from her past is back. I know they mean Sherman, but please, God willing, let it be the cheating pastor ex-husband! That would be AWESOME.
Monique and Chris are dancing all sexy in their last scene and Karen warns that a baby will be made that night. Sure enough, they are expecting their 3rd child. Congratulations! **See her disclaimer below.
Robyn’s fixer-upper is going how we all predicted it would: slooooow. She has put up $35,000 so far and it’s still not done. She has fired a contractor, though, so the women empowerment skills have paid off.
Karen and Ray are still going strong. Ray’s tax issues are behind HIM. They were never Karen’s. She’s rich! She’s also ignoring his thoughts of relocating to Florida and no pizza was ever found.
TELL US: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF POTOMAC FINALE? OVERALL THOUGHTS ON THIS SEASON?
Recap Author: Dana S.
Photo Credit: Bravo TV
