Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was all about Jesus’ Birthday and in the spirit of Christmas everyone got along except for the notorious Kim G. – who really is incapable of getting along with anyone so she got thrown out of Jesus’ Party by the Manzo’s – who don’t let no body mess with their family.
Things pick up where they left off at Jesus’ birthday party. Melissa lets Teresa know she “got that bitch outta there” meaning Monica Chacone, who was Kim G. ’s plus one for about five minutes until Melissa escorted her politely to the door. Teresa gives her brother and SIL props for handling it well, BUT she wants to know why Kim G. was invited in the first place? Melissa says Kim is harmless which ummm…. What?! Please re-watch season 2, Melissa! However, Melissa calls a spade a spade when she describes that Kim G. and Teresa are eerily similar – in fact, so similar they may be “secret sisters.”
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Poor Melissa– I mean it’s Jesus’ birthday party, she’s like his special friend, and she is dealing with all this nonsense with her sister, her sister-in-law, her sister in law’s secret sister and all she wants to do is dance in her winter white sequined wedding dress for charity! And Jesus! Gosh! Melissa gets her wish – to thank her for throwing out ONE of her archenemies, Teresa asks Melissa to dance – and dance they do. Yay for family bonding!
Albert shows up just as Non Juicy Joe is making a toast to all the single boys and the many girls available to them, Jacs and Teresa talk about things being like old times with Melissa. While Kim G. is stirring her witch’s brew and cackling with Kathy about Teresa, The Caroline – lord overseer of Franklin Lakes, NJ – is watching, watching, watching – waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Jacqueline points at the happy Gorgadice family posing for photos and informs Kim G. and Kathy – that is happiness and that is what Christmas is all about.
To prove the point Teresa mentions to Melissa if they stick together they will be unstoppable – and Kim G. shouts “For now!” Oh Kim – put down the wine, lady – it does you no favors. Then Lauren or Jacqueline – I really couldn’t tell who – let’s Kim know stirring the pot is pathetic. At that moment, The Caroline moves in to shut down any potential Kim G. drama-bursts, instructing her to stop it and have some respect for their sons’ relationships and SHUTS. HER. DOWN. Old Lady smackdown!
Caroline and Kim G. get into each other’s faces – seriously – Jersey style – albeit a much more articulate Jersey-style than we are accustomed. Out of respect for his friend, Christopher intervenes and asks Kim to stop since their moms can’t come to blows over a birthday party for Jesus (ironic, much?). Chris and Albie try to escort Kim away from the situation and a horde of onlookers, including Kim’s bodyguard (with all the sh*t she stirs – I completely understand why she needs one), crowd around them. While Kim is being bustled out the door Teresa and Jr. Mafia Joe have left on their own accord and for once are steering very clear of any drama! Twilight Zone! Christopher walks Kim to the door while Albert Sr. tells the entirely useless bodyguard to “back up,” hey – these Manzos are thick as thieves, don’t forget!
Christopher and Kim have a heart to heart outside. I loved how the entire time when Kim is getting escorted out and Chris is talking to Kim, pathetic Ashley is standing there looking concerned about getting more camera time. I guess she was trying to be on hand in case she needed to rip somebody’s weave out.
The Caroline is worried about Christopher being left unattended with Kim G. and dispatches Albie to end the conversation. Chris slinks away with his tail between his legs and Kim follows, clutching her wine glass to her bust, but Albie stops her – letting her know she is NOT welcome at his party – errrr…I mean Jesus’ party! I guess Albie was managing Jesus’ guest list for the night. Noticing her blessed Albie is in trouble with wicked Kim, Caroline rushes up to protect him and Albert Sr is right behind her – Albert, taking the words right out of his wife’s mouth announces Kim is “a clown” and Ashley seconds it with: “Just like Danielle!” That Ash- the very definition of class. Jacqueline reminds her of what they learned in family counseling: “high road, high road” and quickly leads her inside.
Caroline demands Kim leave and threatens to get Melissa and Joey to properly kick her out (since it’s their party and all). Kim finally departs with no further threats and Teresa is glad that “ding-dong – the witch is dead!” Maybe in a coma, but certainly not dead; Kim G. , like cockroaches, is difficult to exterminate. Back at the party, Caroline apologizes to the hosts and Melissa is supportive of the Manzo boys protecting their mama, explaining her boys better do the same some day. I noticed Albert looking very exasperated by the whole thing – um yeah – I concur Albert. In a cave, off far away from where the other guests are congregating, Chris Laurita finally speaks to inform us that Kim G. deserves to be smacked and that now all bets are off. Um… I smell a lawsuit coming from Ms. G.! Caroline explains, although she has known Kim for years they have never been close because she simply cannot find one good thing to say about her.
While they are trash talking Kim G. , her son John, gives Christopher a call to find out what happened. Things end up being ok between the two, despite the mom-drama. Getting away from the cray-cray, the Gorgas check out the loot that was donated and Melissa deems the party a success… wow – she has low standards! I guess in some ways it was – Melissa got along with Teresa and no one got shot, so yeah – success it was! The Gorgas are polite to the departing Manzos and all’s well that ends well, as Melissa and Caroline bond.
At Kathy’s Christmas preparations are hot underway and Richie wants to know if “Drama” aka Teresa and Joe G-to-the-Iudice is invited to Christmas dinner? Kathy says no, she wasn’t able to invite them because she and Teresa had a spat at Melissa’s party. Kathy and her mom give us some Gorga history; Kathy’s mom tells a story about not speaking to her brother for years to serve as a warning to Kathy and Teresa. The phone rings and it’s Melissa letting Kathy know they are going to Teresa’s first and then heading to Kathy’s house.
“Caroline Rules” is back on the radio giving advice to the three people out there who feel it’s worth hearing. Her side-kick and I am assuming potential new castmate, Dolores tags along to talk about divorce and raising children. Jacqueline is listening intently at home while texting and wearing her stripper heels when her hubby, Chris shows up. The topic apparently rings true to them given what a mess Ashley turned out to be, so Chris calls in with an issue about his relationship with Ashley. Awwww… that was so touching Chris.
At Teresa’s Christmas Eve party, Teresa explains about the 7 Fishes being an Italian holiday, but the she and Joe celebrate ALL the fishes on that day co none are left out. Gia was gifted Kate Middleton’s engagement ring from a boy at school and Jr. Mafia is intently examining to determine if it is real or not so he can pawn it. Kidding, kidding. They tease Gia about some boy liking her while Audriana tottles around in a giant white cotton ball bumping into things. Teresa explains her brother reminds her of her father, and although Melissa is a Gorga by marriage she is NOT one in personality. Oh, really – cause her and Tree have many similarities…
Jersey Jesus Barbie Midge, Melissa is reminding her children about Christmas being Jesus’ Birthday and he is apparently 89 this year, when Joe G-to-the-Orga all of the sudden doesn’t want to go to Teresa’s because Jr. Mafia’s family is going to be there and he feels uncomfortable after the christening issue. Are we still talking about that? Melissa says they have to go or it will look like they are perpetuating this family feud. Melissa, Non-Juicy, their kids, and the obligatory nanny head to Teresa’s. Non-Juicy warns his wife is going to have a lot of drinks tonight, because he is still worked up about the Christening drama/Gorgadice feud. Melissa claims she is over it and to prove it she is bringing the “right” kind of cookies.
At Caroline’s it is a food mania hot mess – and hot mess indeed is Caroline without make-up in old sweats. Ew. There is much drama about how many people are actually coming – Caroline doesn’t know, since she has 10 siblings and all their families to consider. Did everyone play the “Where’s Dina” game? Did anyone spot her?! There is one special guest they are sure will be attending– Ashley. Don’t seat Lauren next to her! Ashley has never spent a holiday away from her dad’s in Texas so Jacs wants this to be a very special day for her. Caroline admits she was out of line with the Kim G. drama, but that Kim is a fool. Well, duh! They discuss Santa and Albie informs us Santa is a bum who exploits children for slave labor.
Albie wants to know everyone’s New Years Resolutions. Ashley has a few and one of them is to be liked by her step-father, cause being loved isn’t good enough. Chris explains, that while he loves Ashley, he does not approve of the way she behaves, particularly that she is irresponsible and disrespectful. And of course, Ashley starts making it an argument and is refusing to understand what he is explaining. Ashley complains about Chris not liking her (and I totes distracted by her scary eyebrows) and lets us know she isn’t a bitch – she’s just misunderstood. That’s what Danielle said too.
At Teresa’s she explains that she didn’t always get along with Jr. Mafia’s sister until she made it “peaches n’ cream” and now it’s Melissa’s turn to suck up to her to make their relationship work. When the Gorga’s arrive I can’t even see the doorway with all the little girls in giant red pouffy skirts, which is then followed by a shot of Teresa’s micro-mini – which even her hubby thinks is a little short – I guess Teresa could only afford half a skirt or something. Melissa and Teresa compare hoochie outfits and Teresa explains she was embarrassed that Melissa was showing cleavage on baby Jesus’ birthday. Umm… Teresa – look in the mirror!
Joe G-to-the Orga, for all his apprehensions about seeing the Giudices, is schmoozing everyone and all the Gorgas seem to be getting along taking pictures and hanging out – except Joe G-to-the-Iiudice who does not make any effort. When Santa shows up all the kids are so excited and Melissa thanks Jesus for the fact that they love each other and get along so well. Teresa reveals the person wearing the Santa suit was her mom – cute! The Joes bond over all the kiddies in their matching outfits taking photos and Joe G-to-the-Orga admits he is having a lot of fun and so are Melissa and Teresa – whether they want to admit it or not!
Suddenly while Non-Juicy Joe is teasing his god-daughter Melania, Joe G-to-the-Iudice starts muttering to his brother-in-law about Joe and Melissa, calling them “f*cking animals,” snarling that Melissa is a “raccoon face” and a “witch.” What the EFF? Has he been hanging out with Kim G. behind Teresa’s back? Was he drunk? After everyone is getting along – or so they think! – Joe G-to-the-Orga let’s Teresa know his family has to leave and to go to Kathy’s and Teresa is disappointed – she wants them to stay. Wait – Teresa, our Teresa – wants to hang out with Melissa LONGER? And To Be Continued… will they stay or will they go now?
Next week – drama over Kathy’s Christmas party, Ashley gets only coal in her stocking, and Caroline, well she gets the goods.
On WWHL it’s a Willie or Will-She spectacular with Caroline and Willie Geist. The drinking game word is “Willie.” Andy compares Jew to Italians and decides they are the same. Hehe. Kathy’s sister Rosie is calling into the after-party – yay Rosie!! Regarding, Kim G. – Willie wants to know who comes to a Christmas party with a bodyguard? We get a clip of Joe Gorga’s lapdance from last week and Oh. My. Gosh… trauma! We discover Kim G. ’s job is ex-wife to a rich man and that Kim G. and Christopher had a big argument later!! Deets, please!
Willie lets Caroline know that the feedback he receives about Caroline is that she is too much of a busybody! Haha – but in Caroline’s defense she is stuck with constant crayzeee. Caroline refuses to answer whether or not she thinks Teresa really wants to make peace with Melissa and Joe. Albie is apparently dating a cheerleader!! The Game is “Willie or Won’t He?” Willie wins dinner for two for a caller! The poll question is: “Was Caroline right to throw Kim G. Out? Yes or No” And in a landslide, Yes she was! Until next time: Jersey Wishes and Sizzle Tan Dreams!
So do you think Teresa wants to make peace with Melissa and Joe? Do you think Caroline was right to throw Kim G. out of Jesus’ Birthday party? Were Joe Giudice’s comments out of line? Whose Christmas Party would you rather attend: Kathy’s, Caroline’s, Melissa’s, or Teresa’s?
