Last night’s Season Premier of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills did not disappoint! Oh, these ladies – you know what they say: “More money, more problems!” Last night’s episode filled us in on what the ladies have been up to since last season and apparently not much has changed: Adrienne and Paul still barely tolerate each other, Lisa and Ken and Giggy, are still Lisa and Ken and Giggy. Kyle and Kim are still on the rocks and well, Camille she’s still arrogant and oblivious! Gotta love her! Before the the bickering starts, Bravo does a solid and gives a touching segment about Russell Armstrong and the housewives reacting to his passing.
The episode opens on Aug 29,2011, shortly after Russell’s untimely death and all seriousness aside: we meet Adrienne’s new face! Adrienne is looking 10 years younger and basically frozen in time. The cast sits down at Adrienne’s, to discuss Russell’s suicide. Kyle brings up how financial pressure in Beverly Hills puts so much strain on people. Lisa describes that she always felt an emotional disconnect with Russell – and that perhaps getting too much information about Russell from Taylor made Lisa shy away from him. Interesting… Kim points out that the cast focused so much on Taylor, because of their friendship, and not on how Russell was doing. All of the ladies and their husbands express guilt over not being more aware of Russell’s emotional state. Kyle is hopeful that Taylor will not feel responsible for Russell’s death given that she left the marriage shortly before he took his own life. It was heart wrenching to see the ladies and their husbands speak so openly about the tragedy.
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Bravo issues a disclaimer that the events of the show were filmed before Russell Armstrong’s passing.
Things open with Lisa and Giggy headed to the salon to meet Pandora, but not without a wee-wee break first! Poor Giggy – what on earth is he wearing?! A jester’s suit? While Lisa, Giggy, and Pandora enjoy some mother-daughter-doggy bonding, Jason, Pandora’s boyfriend pays, Ken a little visit at the Todd fortress. Once Ken returns home from walking their less important (re: slightly larger) dogs around the grounds, Jason announces he has a very important question. Jason asks Ken for his permission to propose to Pandora! Ken responds with a delighted: “Ok, then,” so it’s happy times! The boys decide Pandora should be the one to break the news to Lisa – who already has wedding fever something fierce!
Kyle and Mauricio have sold their house and are moving somewhere a little bigger. As the family is packing and reminiscing over baby pictures, Kyle finds photo of her mom as a baby. Kyle admits that fighting with Kim makes her turn to her mom to advice (remember, Kyle and Kim pay regular visits to a medium to communicate with Big Kathy). Kim reveals she has not been talking to Kyle, but knows they will be amazing sisters again someday, but haven’t had much of a relationship since the epic season finale fight.
Camille is single, enjoying it, and still hanging out with her lacky, D.D. Camille’s divorce is final and she is remaining in Malibu with her children, although she doesn’t necessarily need five acres. Aaaahhh…it’s refreshing to see that Camille is STILL condescending as hell! Camille is on a journey to rediscover herself, and that journey includes purchasing horses to have someone else care for.
That journey also includes cleaning out the garage of all the stuff Camille and Kelsey’s various houses accumulated and it appears Camille is kind of a closet hoarder with a lot of really nice stuff. Apparently, Camille and Kelsey are not communicating at all, except through a mediator about their children. During the garage clean out, Camille unearths her “summer Hamptons shoe wardrobe,” which was packed up by Kelsey’s girlfriend (now wife) and had mailed back to Malibu when Camille was en route to The Hamptons! Oops. Is Camille putting anything on Ebay? Some of those shoes were cute!
Adrienne and her old face are planning a dinner party to celebrate Camille’s appearance on $#*! My Dad Says – yikes – Adrienne’s new face is so much better! Helping Adrienne to plan the party is Paul, although they get along better in small doses (like 2-hour increments), because they are still bickering incessantly! Discussing food options with their personal chef, Bernie, Adrienne requests mac ‘n’ cheese, because who doesn’t like cheesy, creamy, fattening pasta? Oh, that British lady across the street, apparently, and here comes the first fight of the season! Lisa has ostensibly thrown down with Adrienne’s chef about his “comfort food!” Adrienne concurs Lisa probably should have kept her injected lips shut!
Kyle meets Taylor to get a dress for Adrienne’s party. Kyle admits that it’s a little difficult to shop for Adrienne’s events since you never know what she might be wearing: a shiny polyester satin blouse, a shiny polyester satin cocktail dress, a shiny polyester satin ballgown? When Taylor arrives, she has some… really… important… news… and it has made her completely…out… of… breath… she saw Cedric! Lisa’s Cedric – on a bike (bicycle?) and he pulled up right next to her!
Taylor is nervous to tell Lisa about the “sighting” because people might think she is associating with the evil ingrate! Oh, and also because she is scared of Lisa. Lisa is a mean, mean, intimidating lady who doesn’t like her because, she is kind of a two-faced, manipulative, social climber Lisa thinks she is better than her with all her British snootiness and her piles and piles of money. Well, Taylor – you’re right, Lisa doesn’t like you, but it’s because she doesn’t believe you tell the truth about things… Kyle and Taylor agree she needs to “clear the air” with Lisa, and the new Taylor will be speaking her mind this year! Um… as opposed to last year?
Quick aside: In light of everything that has happened in Taylor’s life as of late, I feel like I can’t snark on her at all! This is quite a conundrum. I do feel incredibly terrible for Taylor’s loss and I cannot imagine the horror of what her family is going through, however she does do some pretty ridiculous things and it’s hard to imagine a recap of RHoBH without highlighting some of them. I am going to be gentle, though.
Adrienne is getting ready for her dinner party, ok, she is actually supervising Paul getting ready for her dinner party. Adrienne laments that while she spent all day preparing for the party, Paul disappeared and went golfing instead. To get him back, Adrienne ignores his repeated pleas for help while he gets dressed or shaves or flosses – who knows. We get a glimpse of Adrienne’s surprisingly normal looking dressing table where she is doing her own make-up (since this is a casual event?) and then HOLY SHOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally had to rewind that scene a couple times so I could ogle the goods.
After Adrienne and Paul get dressed, they prepare their newest addition Jackpot to meet his doom for his Teeny Dog-petition with The Giggster! Cute leather, Jackpot, but is it enough to beat the ruffled, velveteen finery of Giggy? Adrienne admits she has reservations about the potential for tacky, immature behavior at her party and to instill in her guests that this will be a classy, sophisticated affair she is serving Angel Champagne, the world’s most expensive champagne, at the low and reasonable price of $2,200 per bottle. What, Skinnygirl Margarita isn’t good enough? Adrienne has rules and she will put bi*tches in time out for misbehaving at her house! Her first victim – Paul, but more on that later!
Kyle arrives first, wearing one of her many unflattering dresses and some 1980’s Brooke Shields hair. Oh, Kyle… Next to arrive is the lady of the evening – Camille. Camille reveals that Kyle called her the day her divorce was finalized and they are now friends again – for now. Next Kim arrives in Dolly Pardon’s pantsuit. Kim admits she doesn’t want to see Kyle since they are still on shaky ground, but she will be civil to avoid any drama. I noticed Kim didn’t accept a $500 glass of bubbly. When Ken, Lisa, and Giggster arrive, Chef Bernie demands that the kitchen door be closed so he doesn’t have to lay eyes on the witch. Dramatic, much? Somebody is jockeying for camera time!!
When the two little dogs meet, it’s a total doggy faceoff! Ken thinks Jackpot is jelly of Giggy’s awesomeness. The ladies retire to the “theater room” for some TV in cocktail dresses and Camille explains she hates watching herself. Paul admits he’s seen some of Camille’s past work, but it didn’t involve much dialogue… just a lot of tongue. #TheNakedDetective. The ladies giggle through Camille’s performance and everyone is in an upbeat mood! By the way, was the theme wear a blue dress? Everyone but Lisa and Kim matched each other!
Dinner is served, with Chef Bernie and Lisa giving each other the evil eye from across the room. The first course features Adrienne and Paul bickering over a bottle of champagne, and Adrienne has serious concerns about Paul’s competence in opening that thing. And they continue to bicker about making the toast. Adrienne keeps demanding Paul “stop it” and “stop being rude,” making all their guests uncomfortable. Seriously – she practically did ask him to go sit in the naughty chair! What was Paul doing exactly that made her so angry?! Was it residual spousal fury over ditching her to play golf while she bossed the house staff around all by her lonesome? I think Camille can hook her up with a sweet house manager.
Adrienne finally stands to make the toast and tells the story of the Olive Tree in their front yard falling down during storm, making her very sad. Adrienne extends an olive branch from her fallen tree to remind everyone to get along. Oh irony – you never fail me! Kim and Kyle smack each other with branch jokingly, displaying a cute moment of sisterly affection.
All this talk of harmony and all the bickering behavior exhibited by the hosts, prompts Paul to ask Taylor how things are going with Russell. Lisa and Ken, apparently, never bicker and neither to Kyle and Mauricio – because the hubbys always just give in! You know what Teresa Giudice says: “Happy wife, happy life!” Taylor reveals she and Russell are in psychotherapy to try and save their marriage for the sake of Kennedy. Camille wishes Kelsey would have had an interest in pursuing counseling instead of other women. Everyone is supportive of Taylor’s proactive approach to save her marriage, except old fuddy-duddy, Englishmen Ken, who would never go to therapy! Ken declares he doesn’t believe in it and it would make him feel weak, preferring to sort things out himself. A visibly hurt Taylor leaves the table after Ken’s comments and her new BFFL, Kyle quickly follows. Where’s that olive branch, again?
Taylor is shocked that a man carrying around a little dog in clothes would find her husband weak for being in therapy, and she is equally upset that she said nothing to fight back! While Kyle is consoling Taylor in the bathroom, Lisa waltzes in and acts as if nothing is wrong; calmly touching up her lipgloss. Ok, you gotta love Lisa for her balls. Lisa admits she thinks Taylor is manipulative and wants to draw Kyle into the issues between the two of them. Taylor reveals she is proud of herself for avoiding drama by leaving the table and having her meltdown in the bathroom. Mmm-kay, ladies.
When Kyle returns to the table, a seemingly oblivious Ken wonders if he’s said the wrong thing? Seriously? Kyle attempts to explain Taylor’s feelings and relays that Ken may have “offended” her with his inappropriately relayed thoughts about therapy. Ken takes issue with the word “offend,” he did not offend anyone. He maaay have hurt her feelings, but that’s all. I’m pretty sure being offended is subjective – correct me if I am wrong. Kyle is confused by this feather ruffling new word she is not permitted to use around the Beverly Hills set and wonders if she can get Cliff Notes or a dictionary to keep track of all the naughty, taboo hot buttons, like: “insecure”, “insignificant”, and now, apparently, “offend”. Nevertheless she isn’t backing down from Ken and is adamant to defend her new bestie at the expense of her old one! Taylor sure has Kyle wrapped around her finger – first her sister, then Lisa.
While Taylor is recomposing herself in the bathroom, Ken offers Giggy a drink of water from Adrienne’s $550.00 champagne goblet. Only $550.00? I’m surprised it wasn’t more like $5,500.00! After quenching his thirst, Ken takes a drink from the same glass! Neither Adrienne or Chef Bernie are impressed and the chef demands the wait staff step on Gig if gets in the way. Giggy doesn’t have his own booster seat?
When Taylor returns to the table, Ken asks if he has upset her? You had to ask, Ken? Ken admits he should have kept his English lips shut. After all the drama, with Kyle defending Taylor so vehemently, a frustrated Lisa wants to leave since she has something to do, you know, later. Vacating the party with everyone else left sitting at the table completely flummoxed about what happened, Camille is relieved that for once, she was drama-free. Thus far…
This season: The good: Parties! And fashion! And yachts! And shopping! And Trips! And men! And getting jiggy with it! The Bad: Taylor has a nervous break down. More dinner parties from hell! Kim melts down and Adrienne and Paul fall apart over questionable business decisions. The Ugly: Fights galore!! Kim is accused of drug use – again – by a “slut pig!” I hope at the end of this Lisa and Kyle stay friends and don’t end up like Bethenny and Jill!
So, thoughts on the Season Premiere? Were you surprised to see the Russell/Taylor storyline included? Thoughts on the special segment in the beginning? What is up with Lisa – is she the next Jill Zarin Bravo totes giving her the b*tch edit or what?!
