On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the ladies hit the slopes in Colorado. Lisa and Taylor continue their passive aggressive feud to dominate Kyle’s friendship by trying to out-mean girl each other. And Kyle and Kim try to make some headway in their badly tarnished relationship.
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Kyle is moving to a new 7,000 square foot house and she feels this is meant to be her house – in fact she stalked it because she feels connected to its energy. Too bad the house couldn’t get a restraining order! Kyle shows Portia a beautifully framed portrait of Kyle and Mauricio on their wedding day and despite a recent blind item hinting that they may not be so in love, I hope that’s not the case! Kyle’s bestie and decorator, Faye Resnick (looking as be-nipped and tucked as ever) shows up to help the Umansky’s move and make some decisions about where Mauricio’s pool table can go – only in the garage since furniture is more important than man cavedom. Faye discovers amongst Kyle’s possessions an enormous self-portrait. Here’s hoping she’s not arrogant enough to hang that up on the walls! Yikes!
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Lisa is packing for the upcoming girls weekend to Colorado and choosing her ski outfit from a closet full of many. Out of all the pink choices she decides on a cotton ball hat and matching white coat. Interesting…. And let’s all pause to bow down to the mighty temple of glory that is her dressing room. Lisa reveals that one member of the Housewives posse will not be skiing – Giggy – he doesn’t do outdoor winter sports. Who else was surprised she didn’t have a mini ski suit and matching skis for him? Apparently the ladies will be visiting Co. because Camille is selling her ski chalet and wants to get one more fun weekend out of it, but Lisa has major apprehensions about being stuck in the “melting pot” with Taylor, because in case you weren’t aware they don’t really get on – and she predicts trouble.
At Adrienne’s she is also packing and her dressing room scares me. It looks like my baroque nightmare. Too much brocade! I see Ms. Maloof is packing a lot of sparkles for a ski weekend – about 18 bags worth for two days, and 6 of those bags are heels Mr. Maloof interrupts Adrienne’s packing to bicker with her and Adrienne issues her list of rules for when she is away. Acknowledge that the children exist, don’t ignore them for golf, make sure to let the dogs out because their house is so big if one of them has an accident they won’t find it for weeks, lock the doors (all of them) oh and then she makes Paul take a driver’s ed class – drive slow, Paul! Le sigh. I’m beginning to agree with some of the commenters – this incessant arguing seems staged and inauthentic. As Paul leaves the headmistress of the mansion to her clothes, he lets the dogs escape with him.
Leaving for the airport, the Bravo sponsored limo picks up Adrienne and Taylor; and between the two of them they have so much luggage it doesn’t fit in the trunk! For two days! Of skiing – where you wear a snowsuit. Lady Vanderpump, wanting to avoid Taylor not wanting to be late for the airport, took her own limo – apparently $4 per gallon gas isn’t an issue! In the depressed, over-stuffed limo, Taylor and Adrienne talk Russell – apparently Taylor has spent six years not letting Russell know she hates Italian food. Adrienne is empathetic, but really doesn’t understand how someone couldn’t stand up to their husband (and it looks like Taylor had some pretty scary reasons for that) – clearly she doesn’t have a problem in that department! Her heels are made for walking all over her man!
In limo number two; Kyle, Lisa, and Kim arrive at the airport. To keep warm and cozy, Kyle made sure to wear her fur bathrobe and Dolly Pardon hat. Yikes! Kim is having some hyperactivity issues due to coffee (or something) making Lisa feel like she is chaperoning a kindergarten trip (except kindergarteners stay in line). Poor Kim is just an over-excited mess who didn’t even remember to print out her ticket. It’s going to be a loooong weekend for Lisa!
At the airport, I’m surprised to see Kim and Taylor hug hello – are they friends now? Is this a keep your friends close and your enemies closer kind of thing? Kyle explains she is nervous about the Kim-teraction on the trip, but Kim is in very high spirits. Very. On the plane (are the ladies flying commercial? The horror!) Kim is getting all kinds of attention from the middle aged men on board, including one of them who keeps inviting her to punch his butt. And she obliges – as does Adrienne. Ummm… that is one pick up line I’d decline: ‘Hey baby, want to punch my rock-hard a$$ in my dad jeans?’ The ladies seem to be having a blast, though –well except Lisa who left her fun-erade at home with Giggy!
After departing the plane, the awaiting limo driver informs them Camille has staged an elaborate practical joke construction is happening and they will be stuck in a limo together for 4.5 hours. Lisa predicts there will be some kind of altercation. Is there a bar on that thing? During the ride, instead of radio, the ladies get an endless saga of a newly relaxed and opening up, Kim reminiscing about her childhood. And Taylor wishes she had a mute button.
Proving that situational awareness is still a skill she lacks, Kyle brings up Adrienne’s dinner party and asks if Ken is mad at her for the offended vs. upset argument? Lisa openly admits, yes, Ken is miffed (but it probably has much more to do with Kyle defending Taylor and hurting Lisa’s feelings than it does Kyle confronting him). Taylor takes this as her cue to jump in and insist that Ken was shouldn’t have voiced his opinion and was calling her “weak,” and Kyle agrees with her! Lisa, realizing quickly that it’s a losing battle to try and out crazy crazy suggests everyone take it up with Ken, not her! Did I mention I love Lisa?
At Beaver Creek, Camille and her assistant are prepping for the guests and she is super excited. One of the lucky ladies will get to stay in Mason’s room – which still contains a crib despite this child being 9-years-old. Camille is a hoarder! Lady Vanderfabulous will be in the second master suite, because no smaller room is suitable to contain her fabulousness! Camille reveals she must sell the house she loves and helped design as part of her divorce settlement.
Lisa feels for Camille’s “dire situation” of being forced to sell one of her extraneous mansions and being down to a couple houses. Oh, yes – the tragedy… When the ladies arrive, they are ecstatic to escape the confines of the limo (and each other!) when Camille drops the bomb that two of them will have to share a room since there are not enough guest rooms! What kind of cheap Motel 6 establishment is she running here?! In the room shuffle, no one, apparently, wants to be stuck with Taylor (even Kyle) in the big room – least of all Lisa who graciously is willing to give it up to avoid that horror. Luckily, Kyle, perhaps sensing a potentially weekend ruining situation, volunteers to bunk with Kim.
As they unpack, Kim discovers Kyle packed… sequins. That’s it. She packed for Vegas not ski slopes! Kyle suggests they go to a bar for Camille and Kim to meet some menz. Kyle feels Camille is happier, more confident, and has changed this season. In the car, Camille and Kim bond over divorce – Camille describes it as: “lifting a large hairy weight off her shoulders,” and scraping barnacles off someone’s back; which leads to talk of manscaping Kelsey’s back – and other places! Kim is, understandably, grossed out. Me too, Kimmie! That is more information than I’ll ever need to know about Fraiser Crane! Kyle can’t believe how much fun she is having with the new and improved Camille, but she is still waiting for Camille’s evil twin to slither out at any moment. And you know she will…
Over appetizers, Lisa advises Camille on dating, but Camille isn’t ready to move on and furthermore, Lisa, who has been married for like 30-years is a novice in the modern dating world. The ladies discuss the intimacy of a committed relationship – Kim and Camille want someone to kiss and lick their faces whom they know and can lick back. They have to feeeel something for someone before they do the dirty and btw: Kelsey is a terrible kisser. Kim brings up making mistakes with the wrong person. And Kyle, again without social awareness, parlays that into a convo about family troubles; bringing up the argument they had last season. Kyle believes all families have issues and arguing can help grow a relationship stronger – just like her and Kim’s! Kim, though, is not ready to forgive just yet and is having difficulty moving past it.
The next morning, Kim is ill and having reservations about skiing. Taylor and Lisa are the only ones up early – Lisa is thrilled she gets 1:1 time with her fave costar! Once everyone else finally gets up and saves Lisa, the ladies decide to make breakfast in their frumpy PJ’s, – and Lisa teaches Adrienne to crack an egg! Who had flashbacks of Troop Beverly Hills, here? Kyle thinks about her relationship with Kim, and recognizes that because she loves her and wants to move on, some things have to be brushed aside. Like Kim’s love of all night long gossip sessions. While they are eating, the ski concierge arrives to fit the ladies to their boots and skis. They didn’t buy brand new skis and outfits before they came? What kind of millionaires are they?!
And one of those ski concierge is a hottie – and he’s allll for Kim! Luckily it’s his job to get a little fresh with Kim as she tries on the boots; and suddenly she has made a miraculous recovery and is ready to hit the slopes! As the ladies leave the house, Lisa is disappointed no one complimented her on her faux fur Dr. Zhivago poodle suit. Um, Lisa it’s because none of those ladies know what Dr. Zhivago is! Oh, and it did look like you were wearing a poodle on your head – a very glamorous poodle, albeit.
The ladies arrive at Beaver Creek, for ski lessons. Lisa wants to know which instructor is getting these creeky beavers down the mountains! haha Eventually the ladies divide into two teams: The Professionals and The I’ve Never Skied Before-ers. Lisa stays with the Never Skied Before-ers to “keep Adrienne company” a disguise the fact that she can’t ski, even though she wants to pretend she can. Your fancy outfit isn’t fooling anyone, Vanderfabulous! It doesn’t matter though, because all the ladies had a blast and even got to enjoy warm cookies at the bottom of the slopes.
Back at the house, Kyle and Taylor are hot tub and wine-ing it. How amazing was that Jacuzzi?! I was dying of jealousy! Taylor opens up about her marital issues and confesses she’s spent most of her life alone so she is afraid to leave her marriage. A confused Kyle listens as Taylor reveals she never stood up to Russell and doesn’t think she can let go of the resentment. According to Kyle, Taylor never admits what the real issue is and simply hints at things by just explaining how she’s feeling. Taylor admits she is scared, but Kyle wants to know if it’s worth it to keep fighting for something that may not be worth it in the end. Kyle also brings up that Taylor’s stress and how it is causing her to not eat, making her friends worried. Kyle sees that Taylor is a very broken person.
Next week: Taylor is crying in a suitcase and wants to go home. Adrienne puts on her counselor hat, because Taylor is in the throes of a nervous breakdown and after a disjointed phone call from Kim, Paul fears she is intoxicated! What is going on with Kim?! Also, another dinner party from hell!
Thoughts on the second episode? Are you surprised Lisa dislikes Taylor so much? Do you think Kim and Kyle will ever be able to work past their fight? Is Bravo hinting that Kim has substance abuse issues?
