Millionaire Matchmaker Recap: Can’t Judge A Tool Bag By Its Cover!

So, I was secretly hoping for Millionaire Matchmaker to have another week off, but unlucky me got to sit through another episode. I kept my fingers crossed that Patti Stanger would be in Florida for this episode, and Bravo would hire Kim Richards to take her spot. Now that would be a good show, Kim probably would not make it to the office, recruiting sessions, or mixer, but hey the viewers would finally get to see the Millionaire Matchmaker bathroom as Kim does her make-up!

Now to the important issue at hand, Destin and Rachel are still planning their wedding! Haven’t they been engaged for a full three seasons now? Well, my favorite part of the episode was Destin’s adorable offspring! Destin’s son definitely got all the good genes, but where was his Mohawk?

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The Cruz Brothers are tonight’s millionaires. Let me start off by saying- these two look like fist-pumping tools straight off the Jersey Shore. I seriously could see them being friends with The Situation. They would spend nights talking on the phone about their midlife crisis of finding the right tracksuit to match their sunglasses. But I will eat my words because these brothers (though badly dressed) seem like fine individuals. Sure, one has a criminal record, but hey, they still seem like more outstanding citizens than The Situation.

Abe Cruz, the older of the two, is a convicted felon as Destin so nicely put it, but wait he only committed the crime because his girlfriend wanted him to. I am a tad confused on this one, but then again I could see Sammy making Ron do something illegal for her!

David is getting over his cheating wife and wants to find a spiritual person. Both men are committed to God, and they use their clothing line Forever Faith to inspire others. Well I do not know about you, but tight muscle tees do inspire me.

Here is where I will say some positive things about these brothers- they seem pretty humble and respectful. They are very nice to Patti, and of course they have really hot bodies!

A heavy set Paris Hilton Trisha is about the only interesting girl from the recruiting session. Of course, there is Annah who is technically a Christian because she attended a Christian pre-school. Patti asks Annah how much crack she is on and still invites her to the mixer as a test. Side note: I do not think Patti should invite someone she accused of doing coke on a date with a guy who got arrested for dealing coke. But hey, to each its own!

Thankfully for Abe and the Los Angeles Police, Abe passed the test and does not pick Annah. He picks Tiffany who I think has a very strong resemblance to Miley Cyrus. The non-criminal brother David picks Ayla who I know nothing about because I almost fell asleep when she was talking.

The two brothers have a double date working out- isn’t that breaking a rule? But anywho, the boys pick up their dates together and get in the car together to work out together. Do you sense a theme?

After the G is down in GTL, the boys forgo the TL and skip to dinner. With a sigh of relief, I see the boys decide to do separate dinner dates.

Now as the boys do separate dates, I cannot help but notice the similarities between the two separate dates. First off, they both give flowers to their dates, rent out a whole restaurant, awkwardly compliment their dates, and try to score with the ladies. I get quite confused during this part because both boys basically look the same and when there not standing beside each other, I forget there is more than one of them.

But there is one big difference between the two nights. David scores a kiss and second date with Ayla, while Abe gets shut down after trying to get his date to come home with him to see his “hot tub.” I guess Abe has been taking too much advice from the Situation. The ending credits inform us Abe is now seeking advice from his brother David who is in a relationship with Ayla.

TELL US YOUR OPINIONS ON RECAP AND EPISODE? WHICH BROTHER WAS YOUR FAVORITE?

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