I. Love. Brandi Glanville. If Brandi doesn’t return next season, can Bravo please hire her to conduct these reunions, because girl is not afraid to bring it. Last night’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion was explosive, dishy, and far superior to any reunion I’ve ever seen. I’m giving credit where credit is due, so thank you, Brandi, and thank you also, Camille!
Things start out with Andy recapping Brandi‘s intro into the exclusive social club known as high school students masquerading as adult women. Forty going on fourteen! Brandi dispels rumors that she’s a slut, but wishes she was because sex is fun. Camille confirms Brandi is just joking about her sexual proclivities. The KyTayAdrienne sofa is practically hyperventilating over talk of Brandi’s swimsuits and outlandish jokes. They are, like, the most square sofa in reunion history!
Kyle admits that her behavior towards Brandi was ridiculous and insecure, stating she was afraid of Brandi’s entry into the group because Brandi is hot. Andy demonstrates just how ridiculous and immature Kyle was by bringing up the infamous Game Night. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never looked at Taboo! the same way since!
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Kyle blames Kim for her behavior, claiming she was very stressed out by dealing with Kim. I can understand – Kim was a wreck that night. Brandi and Kyle both take responsibility for being bitches, but Brandi insists her biatchery was because of bullying – which led to some of her accusations.
Proving that she hasn’t moved past Operation Maloof Hoof the VanderPump, Lisa puts Kyle on blast, explaining she had initially defended Kyle based on what she heard about Game Night. After seeing the footage, she realized Kyle’s version of events wasn’t exactly how it played out (see what I did there?).
Brandi feels it was the room vs. her and she had a cast and no crutch – no thanks to Kim. The ladies argue about how the night got so intense and all the sudden Taylor is defending Kim, claiming she has a “real disease”?! Odd.
Taylor brings up Brandi supposedly threatening the ladies by saying, “I will effing kill you!” in the heat of the moment. Brandi is not the type to back down and she’ll knock a biatch out if need be! Taylor starts trying to turn the comment into a lesson about bullying. Brandi responds by completely icing Taylor out! Lisa defends Brandi, saying it was circumstantial and not premeditated. I noticed Taylor didn’t try to argue with the almighty Lisa….
Andy brings up Crutch-gate. Kyle denies being involved even though she knew Kim hid the crutch and knew where. So she was involved. Brandi thinks Kyle should have told her where the crutch was. Kyle immediately backpedals, repeating that she didn’t do it. Clearly she is missing the point. Then, Kyle tries to tell Brandi to back off. Andy defends Brandi by saying he’s the one asking about the crutches. Burn!
Brandi talks the difference between dressing slutty and sexy. Sexy is confidence, while slutty is labia. Kyle gets all uptight, so Brandi calls her out on the spread eagle stunts she pulls at parties. Yeah Kyle – L-to-the-abia!
Taylor vs. Lisa BTP (Before Tea Party) is rehashed. Andy wonders how real their friendship is ATP. Camille readily admits she was shocked that they suddenly buddied up after of all things, a pinky swear. Taylor claims the root of their issues was her insecurity in not understanding Lisa’s humor. She also admits Lisa did not accept her based on some of the things Taylor had told her. So, to break this down: if someone is not your friend, you barely know them, and they offend you with their humor – you would tell them all about your very personal life? Interesting!
Taylor blames Giggy‘s tweets calling her “duck lips” for the reason she made comments about Lisa‘s inflated ego. Taylor seems to think Lisa was taking on an unflattering alter ego through her dog. #speechless Brandi defends Lisa (LiGigsa?), saying Taylor makes fun of her own lips. Getting all Typical Taylor agro-mode, Taylor snaps that she’s not talking to Brandi. Um…nice.
Taylor’s comments that all the women talk behind Lisa‘s back, which Lisa claims Brandi seconded, is discussed. Brandi clarifies she didn’t say everyone, just one person… and that person is: “who me?” Adrienne! Lisa looks so sad.
Adrienne wants to know why Brandi would tell Lisa that? Brandi says Lisa is her friend, which Adrienne counters that she’s also Brandi’s friend. Brandi retorts that she hasn’t seen Adrienne since filming wrapped, save for a few tweets. And Twitter-convos does not a friend make! Brandi insists Lisa has never said anything negative about any of the women and has defended them behind closed doors.
Is Brandi wearing brown lipstick and kissing Lisa‘s Donkey booty or is this friendship for realz?
Adrienne accuses Lisa of befriending Brandi because she is afraid of what Brandi may leak to the press (interesting point), but Lisa hotly contests this. Brandi and Adrienne get into a squabble about who didn’t respond to whose invitations and texts. Apparently, there was a trip to Hawaii on Adrienne’s behalf and a birthday party on Brandi’s. You know you’re rich when your idea of a fun night out is flying 100 of your nearest and dearest to Hawaii! Adrienne–I’ll RSVP to your invites–call me!
Lisa is appalled that Adrienne would accuse her of buddying up with Brandi for ammunition; claiming she has no issues with talking behind others’ backs!
Camille reveals that she feels Taylor tried to throw her under the “Lisa bus” at the Tea Party. Camille denies involving herself in any sort of plot against Lisa. Taylor tries to pull Camille into some sort of discussion, but Camille shuts her down with a succinct, “That’s a lie.”
Suddenly, a discussion begins about why Brandi has an issue with Taylor. No surprise – it all has to do with Taylor’s issues with honesty. That’s a like a children’s book: Taylor and the Trouble With Truth.
According to Brandi, she ran into Russell, who told her Taylor made him send the litigious email to Camille – which he felt very bad about, claiming he had always liked Camille. Camille seems to believe Brandi’s version of events. Taylor instantly goes from 0-60 getting all agro, again, mentioning the texts from Russell in which he said she was a “psychotic bitch.” Taylor tells Brandi to call her shrink for verification that Russell said those things to her. Because this has anything to do with the email…?
Brandi explains she is just repeating what Russell told her – Lisa backs Brandi and Taylor persists in failing to see the point. I noticed she got that ‘oh shit I’m getting called out’ look on her face again when Brandi brought it up.
Diffusing responsibility for any role she may have had in the email, Taylor calls Russell a “master manipulator” and is the reason she has 50 people suing her.
Taylor tries to make Brandi look bad by bringing up that Eddie–beacon of honesty that he is–told her that Brandi slashed his tires. Brandi admits it immediately, leaving Taylor shocked. Shocked that Brandi would tell the truth, I’m sure!
Brandi retaliates by asking Taylor about that book she wrote a “hot minute” after Russell died. Camille‘s ‘whoooo’ was awesome. I love that these two have Miss Grifter Queen pegged for the lying lytress she is!
Brandi feels the book is inappropriate because of Kennedy. Taylor starts to scream about domestic violence and how her book is saving lives, apparently. Does it come with a panic button? A life raft? A taser? No, just her stories of alleged abuse – which change as often as her underwear! I’m putting a lot of faith in how often she changes her lady bit protectors. Taylor insists it’s none of Brandi’s business, but like Brandi says, Taylor has made it the world’s business!
Kyle instantly jumps in, evoking Brandi not to judge because someone died. Brandi’s like ‘duh, bitch,’ that person is Kennedy’s father, hence the inappropriateness of said book! Kyle thinks she’s so witty with that “Angry Spice” comment. I love Brandi’s come back: “What are you?” I’m putting Kyle in the Jealous Spice category.
Kyle gets in Brandi‘s face about how Taylor has been left a single mom and these two start to go at it! Kyle says she invited her to a holiday party and Brandi turned her down. Unfortunately, Brandi also sent a text to Kyle (by mistake) that called her a C-U-Next-Tuesday. BWAHAHA! Brandi admits it. Kyle snips this is the Brandi the cameras didn’t see. Actually, I’m pretty sure they did!
Kyle, in a roundabout way, seems to be implying that Brandi is psycho and isn’t sympathetic to Taylor. Lisa again jumps in defending Brandi, telling Kyle to get over herself. Thug in a batwing caftan, that Kyle! Lisa seems really over her.
Kim and Kyle‘s relationship is finally addressed. Kyle claims Kim doesn’t care about the show and isn’t that into it. She admits it was her idea for Kim to sign on so she would have something else in her life besides her children. Kyle believes the fight from last season ultimately helped their relationship by forcing them to discuss their issues, although she never meant to call Kim an “alcoholic” on TV.
Kyle says she does not enable Kim away from the cameras, which is part of Kim’s animosity towards her. Lisa adds that the ladies had very little interaction with Kim this season, which was almost her storyline, and no one knew what was going on with her.
Kyle reiterates that she didn’t feel it was her place to confront Kim‘s issues on camera – for the sake of Kim and her family. Which I 100% agree with. Kyle insists some things must be private and she doesn’t do everything on camera – like shower or have sex with Mauricio!
Camille‘s personality transplant is examined. Camille laughs that she seems “sex crazed” this season and confirms she is still dating Dmitri. Camille is happy, satisfied, and devoted to the new man; oh and her kids like him! Camille’s custody battle is still on-going and Kelsey will not communicate with her.
She is hurt by Kelsey speaking to the press about his relationship with current wifey, Kayte Walsh, as if he wasn’t cheating on his wife and knocking another woman up. Camille sarcastically thanks Kelsey for his “parting gift” and is thrilled her show draws higher ratings than his! Vindication!
Camille acknowledges her change in persona this season, claiming she is under less stress – which Andy challenges. He wants to know if she made a calculated effort to come across as less of a bitch after the beating she took last season?
Clarifying that she has been humbled by the divorce, Camille admits she tried to stay out of the drama a little too much this season. The ladies all agree this season is the real Camille G.
Taylor dashes our hopes by saying her quacker is here to stay. Loony Lips lives on! Taylor talks her book, saying it stemmed from journaling through her therapy. She says the abuse started during her pregnancy and was consistently every six weeks or so. Confronting why she never reported it, she didn’t want Russell to go to jail because she loved him and he threatened to bankrupt her.
She also feared sending Kennedy to be with him unsupervised if they divorced. Taylor recognized pressing charges would hinder Russell‘s ability to earn money. Wait – he already had a pretty substantial record of not just domestic issues, but financial ones as well!
Adrienne apparently counseled Taylor to stay on the show as a good way to make money so she could leave Russell. Andy addresses the briefcase Taylor found next to Russell’s hanged body. Taylor reveals there were several document folders, 10 different bank accounts, flash drives she is afraid to open, and information about an office he rented in Brazil. Taylor exonerates herself from blame, claiming there was a lot she didn’t know concerning Russell’s dealings.
Andy ends things by questioning Taylor about the suicide of Russell’s business partner days after his own. Taylor says it would give her great solace to learn foul play occurred rather than Russell choosing to take his own life – implying it may be murder!
Next Week: Dana finally shows up!! More details on Taylor’s abuse! Kim speaks out and the husbands take the stage!
Watch What Happens Live! The guests are Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ryan Murphy! Ryan knows Camille. He says she is smart, sassy and decided to show the real her this season! Sarah thinks it a PR make-over.
Sarah admits Brandi scares her. We see a clip of NeNe‘s role on Glee and I have to say, she was awesome! Ryan is a huge fan of NeNe and dubs her a great “comic creation” and actress.
Sarah Michelle is up first on Plead The Fifth, and lets us know that Susan Lucci was a bit of biatch on All My Children. Cast her, Andy – Susan Lucci, I mean! Talk about a thug in a cocktail dress!
Lisa calls in and reacts to the reunion, saying it was better than last week, but the reunion is very intense nonetheless. Lisa confronts doubts of Taylor‘s abuse. She believes there was volatility in the marriage and Taylor was injured. She thinks people should support Taylor going forward. Interesting choice of words there, Lees!
Ryan plays Plead The Fifth next and is tactful in his answers, but doesn’t give anything away! And validating all my hopes in the world, he confirms Jessica Lange will return on next season’s American Horror Story. YESSSSSSSSSS!
Gretchen Rossi and Jacqueline Laurita stop by for the game, Re-WHO-nion? The winner gets $25k sunglasses! These ladies are pretty good at the impersonations! Lucky Ryan gets the glasses.
Poll Question: Other than NeNe, which Housewife would you most want to see guest star on Glee? Ryan says he currently has his eye on one already! NeNe isn’t going to like that! Kyle, gets the win followed by Kim Z – who is just the person Ryan has been eying. oooohhhh… multi-network rivalry between Kim and NeNe!
THOUGHTS ON THE REUNION? WAS BRANDI OUT OF LINE? WILL LISA AND KYLE’S FRIENDSHIP SURVIVE? IS THIS THE REAL CAMILLE OR A CLEVERLY GRAFTED PR MANEUVER? THOUGHTS ON TAYLOR’S CONTINUED ALLEGATIONS; INCLUDING THE SHOCKING COMMENTS SUSPECTING FOUL PLAY IN RUSSELL’S DEATH?!
