Jersey Shore is drawing to a close, and I'm equal parts sad and relieved. Okay, so maybe not equal parts…I'm more relieved than sad. Just like the shirt before the shirt, tonight is the episode before the finale. I am going to miss these crazy kids. They love each other without question. Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola, Vinny Guadagnino, Pauly "DJ Pauly D" Delvechhio, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Deena Nicole Cortese, and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, I'm honestly going to miss you. Call me. Seriously. And God speed.
I realize they are probably too old to be the party animals they are at this age (although that throws a wrench in my social plans), but they are still human, vulnerable, and fun-loving. You can't help but relate to that…or maybe you can't, but I can.
On last night's episode, the boys have recently made peace with Jionni. Jenni calls Roger who reveals that Jenni has been pot stirring about Jionni's mismatched relationships with the guy roommates. Jenni isn't happy that Jionni says she's been talking crap about her. Rawn is quick to defend Jenni although he knows what was said at the guys' night out. Jenni decides to go straight to the source and calls Jionni. She questions why Jionni thinks that she's been talking smack. As far as Jenni is concerned, Jionni wasn't present for the first half of the summer. He bends, she forgives, and the pair loves each other for the sake of Snooki.
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Mike reveals that he stripped his way through college. WHAT? I am floored. Oh wait, he just served drinks and passed out massages for ten bucks and lap dances for twice that. While his roommates want him to show his skills in the den of the shore house, Vinny outshines him.
The house prepares to go to Karma, and Deena is excited that Christopher will be in town. Paula is there and her outfit screams, "take me back, Sitch!" He's not buying what she's selling. Pauly is appalled that Mike has to deal with a stalkerish ex-girlfriend. Pauly feels Mike's pain…we all remember Pauly's stalker, right? Deena, on the other hand, wonders why Mike can't see what he is missing. Paula is just trying to educate him in the fact that she's better than the grenades he's currently trying to grind upon at Karma. Mike is semi making out with a girl who may or may not accept his invitation to come back to the smush room. Paula is beyond angry about the situation. Mike hates that Paula is trying to rooster block (isn't that a nicer term?) with the club girlz.
Mike finds a girl who clearly hasn't learned that covering nipples her nipples is considered normal. He attempts to take the girl back to the shore house before Paula comes up and ends his plans immediately. Pauly is trying very hard to find a respectable lady to bring back to the house. Bwahahaha! Mike has reconnected with his lady who is wearing a sweatband as a shirt. Mike finds her to be too sloppy so he sends her packing. Perhaps he really does love Paula. Pauly, on the other hand, is quick to make headboard magic with his lady friend. Not surprisingly, Pauly doesn't allow her to spend the night, and the roommates can sleep soundly knowing that they won't have to hear iron bars clinking up against 1970's wood paneling until morning. It's the little things.
Deena and Snooki decide to have a meatball Olympics where they can audition people to be Deena's partner in drunken crime. I so hate that I'm a thousand miles away. The girls go shopping for prizes and runner-up condolence items for those who don't make the cut. Meanwhile, Sam and Rawn are heading out for a date. They feel very grown up and mature in their relationship. I feel like I'm watching my first middle school date over lunch…although my middle school date and I had much more to discuss. Ronnie and Sam chat about moving in together post Jersey Shore and giving birth to daughters. Good luck.
The meatball try-outs rival Broadway auditions. On the boardwalk, Snooki and Deena initially have a hard time finding willing participants. Snooki finds a gross man and instructs her minions to take body shots out off of his stomach and out of his mouth. Snooki is finding replacements who are far more willing to do what she asks than what she'd actually do. Deena thinks it's amazing. I think it's hilarious. The participants are wearing wizard hats and Zack Brown beards. The meatballs decide that all of the runners-up need to have the opportunity to be meatballs. The drunken boardwalk women are excited while Snooki applauds her drunk friend and goes home to take a nap.
Meanwhile, Rawn and Sam are in a giant mini-golf battle followed by a dinner date. It has to be the most time they've spent together all of the seasons combined. Deena loves her new side-kicks, and she's picked up some more ladies along the way. Deena brings her entourage back to the house, and the roommates are floored/amazed. MVP secretly thinks that they've hit the mother load. Check that, Mike is thrilled that there are new girls in the group, but Pauly wants to spend his last weekend with his Shore pals. One of the newly minted meatballs has her sights set on Vinny. He's kind of on board. Once he gets drunk, I assume he'll be totally on board.
The roommates are preparing for a night out on the town, while the new stranger meatballs are wandering the house and hitting on the guy roommates. Pauly finds it both awkward and annoying. Cabs are heyah! Snooki is thrilled to call it a night while her friends head out to the clerb. On the boardwalk, Vinny is having the time of his life, and Pauly is thrilled when the fake meatballs hit the road. Mike is trying to bide his time between the hotties and the grenades. Bless him. Deena is beyond drunk, and Jenni wants to make sure she gets home safely. Mike directs a wasted Deena to her bed, tucks her in, and calls it a night.
Snooki hates that the final summer is coming to an end, and Vinny suggests that the group have a giant bonfire on the beach. Vinny and the gang want it to be just the roomies, but he is somewhat open to significant others. He wants it to be about his group of friends though, which I totally understand. Sammi is upset about cooking for the last Sunday dinner ever. I can't say I blame her. Sunday dinners are what have made this show what it is for the past several seasons. I guess it's not really a Sunday dinner as much as it's a family dinner. This group is a family. I love it.
After eating the final Sunday dinner, Snooki challenges Mike to do a stripper routine. Bring on Paperboy by Ditty, please! MVP leaves the table to help Mike rehearse, and Pauly finds it especially funny given that Mike is the worst dancer in the house. The guys try their best to turn the shore den into a strip club, while Jenni takes one for the team as the lady who finds herself handcuffed to a chair for a lap dance. Mike strips. It's awkward. Really, really awkward. I do love seeing all of the roommates have great time together, so I'll forget about how creepy it was. The verdict is in, Mike really never stripped for a living. Poor Jenni. This is why I love them.
Next week, the group says farewell to Seaside, and Sammi hopes her father will embrace Rawn. Mike gets a surprise (and seemingly gross) gift, and the crowd bids a tearful good-bye to their summer house.
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[Photo Credit: MTV]
