The Bachelor Recap: Tierra LiCausi Wears A Pink Sequin Bikini And Almost Dies

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It's day two of the special two day Bachelor event, and Sean Lowe and his nine bachelorettes – AshLee, Selma, Catherine, Desiree, Daniella, Lesley, Lindsay, Sarah, and Tierra – are in Canada. Day one of the special two day Bachelor event was a complete disaster – mostly thanks to Tierrable Tierra.

While the catty girl drama in Montana left Sean feeling uneasy about this amazing journey to find love, he's hoping to get back on track this week. You keep telling yourself that, Sean, and I'll keep admiring the stunning backdrop that is Canada. Lesley thinks Lake Louise screams romance. I'm pretty sure Lake Louise is actually screaming, "What did I do to deserve this mockery?"

Chris Harrison announces that there will be one group date, two one-on-one dates, and a rose up for grabs on each date. When the first date card arrives, the girls recap the season thus far, realizing that Catherine, Daniella, and Tierra have yet to have their own dates with Sean. The first date card is addressed to Catherine and reads "let's find our fairy tale ending."

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Catherine waits for Sean outside on the Columbia Icefield, sharing, "It's like a blizzard, it's white everywhere. I'm scared as hell." Sean finally shows up, driving a snow bus, and takes Catherine to play on a glacier. Despite the harsh weather conditions, Sean and Catherine happily go sledding, roll around, do handstands, and make snow angels in the snow. With a huge smile on his face, Sean shares, "This is what I want from a wife. I want someone who can totally embrace the moment and have fun, and that's certainly what Catherine does."

Sean and Catherine wrap up their time on the glacier with hot chocolate and a kiss. Am I the only one who was hoping the cold air would make their lips stick together? That would have been the most entertaining date ever. Next, a horse-drawn wagon takes Sean and Catherine to an ice castle, where they talk and cuddle. Catherine shares, One day… at band camp… a tree fell on my best friend and she died… and now I want to be your wife. A smitten Sean gives her the rose, adding, "Catherine has melted his heart."

The group date goes to Tierra, Sarah, AshLee, Selma, Lindsay, Lesley, and Daniella. Obviously, this means the last date card will be addressed to Desiree, and poor Daniella doesn't understand why Desiree gets a second date before she gets a first. My advice to Daniella is, pack your bags, tuts.

This date features more canoes – three to be exact – and Lesley is quick to realize that one girl will get to ride in Sean's canoe. Lesley invites herself into Sean's canoe. Personally, if I were Daniella, I would have asked for the opportunity. Instead, Daniella quietly hates on Lesley with the rest of her date companions. Selma hopes a shark jumps out of the water and eats Lesley.

Sean brings the ladies to site of the Lake Louise Polar Bear Plunge, saying, "You don't have to do it if you really don't want to … but you only live once … and there is a lifeguard and EMT here so you probably won't die." Selma flat out refuses, adding, "Call me a princess. (stops to reapply her lip gloss) I don't care." On the other hand, Lesley is bouncing off the ice excited, joking, "I'm going to get hypothermia for a rose, and I'm totally fine with that. I think Sean is going to give me CPR, shocking me back to life, and then we'll make out."

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So, Tierra, AshLee, Sarah, Lindsay, Daniella, and Lesley jump in the freezing water with Sean. Screaming and celebrating happens.

Sarah wants to do it again. Screaming.

Daniella's life is changed forever. Celebrating.

Lesley wants to tour the world. Screaming.

Tierra catches hypothermia. Nobody cares.

Tierra almost dies in a pink sequin bikini. Eyes roll.

Lesley moans, "Once again, the ambulance was called. Tierra couldn't handle it. Same story, different day." AshLee adds, "Tierra is the bachelorette who cried wolf. Tierra is very good at knowing how to get attention. I vote that Tierra is faking it."

Back at the hotel, Tierra sips a latte, fixes her hair, whimpers a little, eats a sandwich, recovers completely, and waits for her clueless bachelor to come kiss her back to health. Sean goes to her, of course, and says, "You keep managing to find ways to get one on one time with me." SEAN! GET A CLUE! Since Tierra almost died, again, Sean suggests she skip the group date dinner. As if. Tierra gets out her makeup and perfume, saying, "I'm the one that's frozen to death, but I'm putting on my heels and going to get my man."

Needless to say, the others are not happy about Tierra's arrival. Lesley says, "Tierra is a professional at getting attention. How to Fake an Injury 101 – she should teach it. Everybody, watch your backs, we have a Tierraist on our hands."

At the end of the day, Sean gives the group date rose to Lesley and sends Sarah home prematurely. Sean tells Sarah that he was starting to feel like he was forcing something that wasn't there. She is completely caught off guard, crying, "I wanted to hear the explanation because it's always the same. 'You're an amazing girl. I know how special you are. I want to connect with you so bad, but I don't. Someone is going to be lucky to have you.' I just don't want to be told forever how great I am, what I deserve."

Next, Sean takes Desiree to Banff National Park, where they rappel down Tunnel Mountain for a picnic. The professional mountain man is like, Let me show you real quick how these ropes work. I'd be like like, If I don't know how to work the ropes, I die, so let's not hurry the lesson. Desiree compares rappelling a mountain to a relationship… because it can only go down hill? I don't know… I don't get the metaphor.

Sean and Desiree also climb a tree and cuddle in a teepee. How boring. Either renting that snow bus wasn't cheap or the Bachelor accounting department hates Sean. Desiree shares that her family didn't have much money growing up, adding, "My parents loved each other and they loved us kids. It was important to love and never take anything for granted. I want a house full of love. I'm looking for someone who can be my best friend, be assertive, and take care of a family." I think it's obvious Sean loves what Desiree is saying because he wants a woman who wants and/or needs to be taken care of.

Sean's faith in the process has been renewed. Clearly, our current Bachelor hasn't kept up with the past 92 Bachelors and Bachelorettes. The cocktail party highlights: Selma didn't do the polar bear plunge, so she pushes her boobs up to her neck, gives Sean a small kiss on the lips, and begs for her mama's forgiveness. Also, Lindsay reveals that she sleeps naked, control freak AshLee gives Sean permission to blindfold her, and Tierra wears a dead animal around her neck.

Catherine, Lesley, and Desiree have date roses. Sean goes into the rose ceremony with three roses and is quick to give two of them to Lindsay and AshLee. When Chris Harrison announces the last rose, Sean is forced to decide between the hot blonde, the hot brunette, and the hot mess. Sean keeps the hot mess. Sean is an idiot.

Selma, who has now disgraced her family for nothing, says, "This definitely does not feel good. I came here to fall in love, and I'm leaving with a heartbreak and a memory. I couldn't believe he called Tierra's name. It's really hard to leave while Teirra's in there having a glass of champagne." Daniella stumbles out of the party, saying, "I'm keeping a straight face, but I'm obviously ~~drunk~~ hurt. It's tough to have your heart broken. I want to find love really badly. I'm over having a broken heart."

Sean tells Catherine, Lesley, Desiree, Lindsay, AshLee, and Tierra that he knew they were the six for him. How romantic. Sean and his bachelorettes are off to St. Croix, which is the last stop before the hometown dates, and one bachelorette moans, "Once again, it's the Tierra show." Lovely.

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