Last night Real Housewives of Atlanta was a total filler before the finale episode, which meant it was low on drama as Bravo lets us go into withdrawal in preparation for next week!
Things begin at Kandi Burruss' housewarming party where one furious former beauty queen is storming around, causing a tornado and unleashing the twirl of death. She's knocking over plants, tossing things at unsuspecting guests, laser eyebeams seeking her next victim as everyone cowers in fear hiding behind their wine glasses. It's only Kenya Moore, but that's like saying it's only the atomic bomb.
As Walter Jackson and "date" scurry out the back door, Kenya's mane of death is twirling faster and faster and faster while she screams "SECURITY!" until Don Juan is dispatched to guide this furious storm to the safety of the parking lot. There, her only victim may be an unsuspecting Bentley – its life cut perilously short by an enraged Miss TWIRL-S-A.
Kenya rants and raves about how Walter is stalking her and ruining all her social functions by showing up to intentionally destroy her. 'Get this Bentley out of my way Don Juan because I swear I'm about to pretend it's Walter and render it impotent. Oh wait – Walter is already impotent. Didn't you know?!'
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Don sighs, deeply regrets agreeing to the provision in his contract that says he must act as defacto drama squelcher. He has flashbacks to infamous Tour Bus From Hell eye-popping argument between Wigs and NeNe Leakes and activates the secret tranquilizer dart in his keychain to calm Kenya down.
Dang, Don muses, drama does not pay me enough. Then he manages to get her out of the parking lot before she takes out any small children, luxury cars, or ex-made-for-TV-boyfriends. "You say I'm a danger to society, I say I'm fabulous!" Kenya snaps, flooring it.
Inside the party, no one can get over the level of crazy that they just dodged. Phaedra Parks had her finger on her taser the whole time cause everybody knows you can never be too careful with Miss Krazy! Even Cynthia Bailey, forced into the role of Kenya's 'friend' on the show, is starting to see a pattern of behavior that is a wee bit nutso.
At home, possibly in LA – who really knows – far from the drama at Kandi's, NeNe and Gregg are discussing their relationship. NeNe is sticking to the storyline that she divorced Gregg because he wasn't acting enough like her personal assistant, but admits they just can't keep away from each other!
They discuss the logistics of managing her flourishing acting career with raising their son. NeNe decides she'll move to LA while Gregg stays in Atlanta with Brent. Unfortunately NeNe has other things in common with Kenya besides RHOA and the furniture she borrowed from her – she also has a stalker ex. Gregg just can't get enough of his former wife and won't leave her alone. But at least NeNe wants to be stalked! NeNe + Gregg 4 Eva!
Taking matters into her own hands, Cynthia invites Kenya to BarOne (with Lawrence who needs his monthly dose of camera time) to sit her down and give her a good ol' fashioned lecture on how she has been behaving over the Walter situation.
Cynthia basically told Kenya trashing Walter to everyone and accusing him of being gay and a stalker makes her look crazy, obsessed and trashy. She also said it made her look like she wasn't over Walter and until she gets over it, there is no way she was going to meet a potential Mr. Right.
Cynthia handled Kenya perfectly by just not letting her get a word in edgewise, no matter how many times Kenya started trying to whine and get all loud-ish and pissy. Cynthia just rolled her words over Kenya and didn't even bother to hear what she had to say. Where has this Cynthia been for 3 seasons? Eventually Kenya just backed down, listened, and agreed. It was marvelous. And hey, sometimes even Koo-Koo K-a-razee can't argue with reason!
Also seeking counseling is Porsha Stewart. She meets with her therapist to discuss her marriage, dealing with her miscarriage and feeling lost in her life. It seems to me Porsha really struggles with her identity and she believed being a wife is who she wanted to be but now she wonders if there is more in life.
Porsha also feels Kordell wasn't supportive when she had her miscarriage and to her that felt like losing a child, but Kordell doesn't seem to understand. Porsha's therapist encourages her to be honest with her husband and to also express what she wants and needs from him. She also wants them to come in for some couples counseling. I felt really bad for Porsha. This clearly was very real and she was very emotional over the state of her life. I hope that she and Kordell have found some resolve and are able to move forward.
On the other side of the spectrum Kandi is holding the official launch of Bedroom Kandi Multi-Level Marketing! Screw Tupperware parties, invite your girlfriends over for some coochie balls and vibrators! The room is packed with women who have already experienced success selling the line and Kandi's business partner hops up to announce that our multi-faceted Kandi won an AVN for best sex toy line. I wonder if Kandi has that displayed on her mantle next to the Grammy?
Kandi makes a speech and tears up about women and success, but it's sort of a mess. Equally sort of a mess – her dress. No Kandi. Please, a stylist is a must! Regardless, congratulations on her success. She really is an incredibly accomplished woman.
NeNe and Cynthia get together for some red wine and gossiping. This was good ol' fashioned early Housewives no-fuss and no-drama bonding time that seemed legit and real. They were cute together talking the other ladies, NeNe's career, and her relationship with Gregg. I like that these two seem like for-real friends. I guess once you sign a friendship contract, you are locked. in. Cynthia does not mess around with her Microsoft Word documents!
And then NeNe and Gregg go out for a romantic dinner. NeNe has concerns about her dress. I share her concerns. NeNe also has concerns about the future of her relationship. Gregg does not have concerns and he proposes right then and there. NeNe starts gagging. Literally coughing up her wine. She instructs Gregg that a man better be down on one knee, holding a ring, if he expects her to say yes. Gregg takes that under advisement, revisits the plan, and promises she'll be answering this question again! Gregg is a man who is not easily daunted, I s'pose!
At some point in the episode NeNe talked playing a man on The New Normal. Has anyone seen her in man-drag?
Moving on, Kandi and Todd are participating in a little Bedroom Kandi of their own as they break down the particulars of their relationship. Now that they own a home together, Kandi has a countdown started for the ring. Kandi's mom has become distant since Todd entered the scene and she's also been dropping hints about moving into the guest house. Mama Joyce even bailed on the Housewarming party!
Todd feels that having a mama move in when the relationship is pretty new is not a good idea. Kandi warns that she will be taking care of her mother as she gets older – especially considering Todd has not proposed. Speaking of which, she asked him if he was researching rings.
Todd seems sweet, and it does seem like he loves Kandi. He is planning to propose (and we know he did!). So then onto the other pressing issues: surrogacy and prenups. Todd is OK with surrogates – and with prenups that have some sort of property provision. Aaaahhhh… such romantic pillow talk!
Then Phaedra and Kenya film their respective donkey booty workout videos. Kenya peppers her commentary with a million comments about how Phaedra is fat and has no business telling other people to work out when the only thing she works out is opening the refrigerator. Kenya apparently thinks Phaedra should just eschew food all together and also starting running 10 miles a day.
I personally think the weight comments are rude, but no more rude than Phaedra accusing Kenya of being an alcoholic. The crazy comments I'll let slide, because actions speak louder than words and you can just scroll to the top of this recap for confirmation of Kenya's less than sane behavior!
SPOILERS: DONKEY BOOTY WAR CONTINUES AT THE REUNION!
Anyway, Bravo made it pretty clear that they wanted Kenya's DVD to appear far more professional. Watching the footage it definitely seemed that Kenya prepared more and was doing a traditional exercise DVD. And I do think Kenya works out a lot, so it's fitting that she know a lot about exercise.
Phaedra seemed to be having fun with hers. She also seemed to think it would be cute to dress up like a pickle at a rave and jiggle around like this was 1998. In fact one move Phaedra was doing she seemed to be mimicking a pickle in a tornado.
I haven't seen either DVD, but Kenya's is out-selling Phaedra's. I think Phaedra envisioned hers being more niche and kitschy whereas Kenya seemed to be approaching this like a legit business venture.
Next week is the season finale and Kenya's big debut (her word) into Atlanta society happens with the Black Women In Film party. She has her totally ineffective security team in tow to throw someone out of the party which means there is big drama in the parking lot! So exciting!
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – DID KENYA OVER-REACT TO WALTER BEING AT KANDI'S PARTY? WHOSE WORKOUT DVD SEEMED MORE PROFESSIONAL?
