Last night was the pre-finale episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Which means we are almost to the epic reunion. You know you're salivating!
Porsha Stewart is all about spreading her wings and flying post-divorce, except she's not worried about a little thing called a j-o-b. Her priorities are recording a song instead of showing up to rehearsal for the part she was hired to play in Kandi Burruss' musical. Yep, ol Poryonce (per Don Juan) is skipping play practice to go warble some songs she probably bought from Kandi (and pretended to write!) in the recording studio. Look Porsha isn't the worst singer, but she's certainly no Mariah and she should be honing her skills with seasoned veterans on Kandi's stage – instead she's violating her contract, insulting her employer, and making a mockery of a paying job. She'll probably still want top billing too!
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Kandi is not impressed. They finally hire a bail bondsman to track Porsha down in the suburb of the suburb of the suburb of Atlanta in the 30,000 square foot house she is squatting in renting. She is dragged kicking and screaming into rehearsal, shrieking about how she needs to catch the train to the Underground Railroad but she can't find the stop cause it's underground. She obviously lost her phone down there which is why she never saw the emails about rehearsal times.
But Porsha does too know her lines she's been practicing in the mirror of her 9th spare bathroom (the one used for her dogs when she's too lazy to take them outside). Porsha is NOT prepared and then gets sassy with the stage manager (lark or iark) when she is called out. Apparently since Porsha doesn't know how many days are in a week she didn't realize the play was literally next week!
Porsha is a joke and needs to be fired. Her understudy who has been working away needs to be promoted. Once again, Kandi is being too nice to a "friend" and being taken advantage of and I certainly hope Porsha's pay is docked because she was so tardy to the party!
Speaking of ridiculous, NeNe Leakes is bragging on and on about all the fabulous roles she is turning down worth millions of dollars. Roles on canceled sitcoms and ones that never even saw the light of cable television? NeNe says she needs to "elevate" her career and not accept just any roles that come her way. And acting class is just too time consuming for someone of raw and prophetic talent such as herself – also someone so very busy being fabulous. OK Neryl Streep…
The "Wow" Piece. I think wow for a different reason.
Instead Ms. I'm Worth Millions is expanding her empire to include a fashion line. NeNe is the "sample size" which leads me to believe it must be a collection for Big-n-Tall ladies (or drag queens). Hey – there's a marketplace! Except not for these hideous garments! NeNe's role, other than trying on the wares other people have produced and designed, is calling things that are actually cute "ugly" and nearly having an orgasm over a giant blue curtain with cut-out shoulders that she calls a "wow piece". For whom? It was like a hospital gown or a mini-mumu. Kyle Richards would love it. This collection should be called NoNo by NeNe becuse it's about to go the same way as She By Sheree – Nowhere!
Unfortunately there's only more ridiculous! Peter cements his place as worst husband in the Housewives franchise (although he may be tied with Apollo), by revealing to Cynthia Bailey that BarOne may be foreclosed on because the building owners have not been paying the mortgage even though Peter has been paying the rent. He's known about this for a month and just didn't deem it worthy to tell Cynthia. Even worse – The Bailey Agency is owned by the same property group! But the worst of the worst is that Cynthia had to confront PETER about all of this terrible news after she's been reading about it "on the blogs".
Peter decides since he plays the lottery and married a former supermodel they'll just buy the building and it'll be fine. Cynthia's already spent all her money bailing out Peter's failures so she tells him there's nothing left. He suggests she sell her clothes or pose for Playboy! Kidding… the cameras never caught that moment. #SecretsRevealed Cynthia who is so dead tired of her marriage lamely says, "Well you should have told me… Bitch."
While Kandi deals with Porsha's ineptitude she also deals with a squirley Mama Joyce who will not get it together. Kandi and Mama Joyce haven't spoken in three weeks after she found out Joyce was trying to frame and blackmail Todd. Kandi has finally taken Todd's advice and hired a counselor to address their serious issues. Kandi tells Dr. Sutherland that her mother has never respected her choices and that's all she wants. Cue a flashback of Mama Joyce with crusty red Ronald McDonald hair yelling about how AJ was an opportunist. I'm not trying to speak ill of the dead, but yeah – I agree. Also, clearly, bad red dyejobs run in the Burruss family. Ladies – Derek J is doing you wrong!
When it's Mama Joyce's turn to talk to the doctor she refuses to accept accountability, claims Todd quit a $900,000 job to stay home with Kandi and use her, and that Kandi gained 30lbs in her relationship so clearly Todd is making her unhappy. She also reveals she lost her son which in a roundabout way admits this is when she got crazy over-protective with Kandi. After all of that Dr. Sutherland is like ummmm… uhhhhh… OK… so yeah, y'all need a lotta help. Dollar signs flash in his eyes and he follows the rainbow colored weaves all the way to the pot of gold. Actually he seemed very professional and competent – I liked him.
Kandi invites Mama Joyce to watch a dress rehearsal of A Mother's Love and awwwwkward! I'm glad Kandi can't be honest with her mother in counseling but she can live vicariously through her play and passive aggressively confront her mother. The former social worker in me is audibly sighing. These two are in a terrible place and their relationship is trapped in time when Kandi's brother passed and she was still a teenager.
Todd gives Mama Joyce a tour of the playhouse and then he decides to talk to her about building their relationship. Todd says she never even tried to get to know him before she started judging him. Mama Joyce says she likes Todd, she just doesn't respect him because he quit his job to mooch off Kandi!
Todd explains he had to quit (he was a producer for RHOA when they met) and had saved tons of money while working, but in the meantime he and Kandi decided he should focus on building his own business instead of working for someone else. And furthermore he wanted to be with Kandi not away from her working out of town all the time – and she wanted him to be with her. Todd explains that support is more than financial.
It's clear Todd loves Kandi. For real. He is humble, earnest, and concise when explaining things to Mama Joyce who sulks with her arms crossed, staring at a spot on the carpet in the distance. Or maybe that was Porsha. Both are equally invisible. Todd wants them to be a family someday and he wants his future MIL to give him a chance. I love that Todd respectfully stood up to her and I love that he made it very, very clear that he is not going anywhere because he WANTS to be with Kandi. Kandi, girl, you have a good man. You deserve him.
What he didn't say is that Mama Joyce is losing her daughter because she's too big of an a-hole to realize how selfish she's being. What he didn't say is that it's none of her business what Kandi does with HER money or what Todd does with HIS money.
Mama Joyce hmphs and admits she's over-protective after Kandi's brother passed, but she will try. We all know that clearly, she didn't. But we also know that Todd and Kandi are in love and decided they do not care.
Finally, the saddest part of the episode. Kenya Moore's beloved dog Velvet passed away after she was attacked by a neighbor's dog. Kenya is clearly heartbroken and hysterical. Velvet died in Kenya's arms – I totally cried during this scene. I feel so bad for her. I'm so sad for Kenya I'm not even going to ugly cry face snark.
Kenya's Aunt Lori comes over to soothe her and suggests that maybe God was making room in Kenya's heart to love a child. That consoled Kenya but ummm… it was weird. Kenya invited Cynthia and Kandi for a drink and tells them the devastating news. She wants to have a memorial for Velvet, but only invite these two whom she considers friends. Poor Kenya and RIP Velvet. What a terrible tragedy.
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – NENE'S FASHION LINE: YAY OR NAYNAY? SHOULD KANDI FIRE PORSHA? WILL MAMA JOYCE EVER ACCEPT TODD?
