Last night on Real Housewives of New York the ladies confronted Ramona P. Singer (the P stands for Pinot) about her behavior in the Berkshires. Most specifically a pseudo meltdown that was the perfect segue for her to ditch them and hit up a Molly Simms party in the Hamptons. Oh that Ramona – she's so devious! However, by the sheer power of their conviction and the fortitude of LuAnn de Lesseps' self-described "linebacker shoulders," the ladies were able to make a slight dent in Ramona's AquaNet facade and she actually apologized to Kristen Taekman. How that went is another story, but let's start back in the Berks (can I tell you how tired I am of typing that word… ).
Back in the Berkshires the ladies are are seriously hungover after a night of binge drinking and pinot-trashing. I can assume many a bottle of Ramona Pinot was smashed as well. Heather Thomson wakes everyone up because soon they'll be forced into an AM yoga class. Sonja Morgan awakes in a negligee with the remains of her bumpit! trembling on one side of her head – she's also missing a cubic zirconium diamond earring. Sonja is super sad that Ramona manipulated her and wonders how much of their friendship has been a farce. The other ladies look just as worse for the wear.
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Only Kristen is glowing and serene as she sips tea on the terrace. Such is the power of a former catalog model that her effervescence radiates even in the wee hours of the morning after a bender. It probably also helps that she's a good 10 years younger than many of these ladies and probably has a metabolism of a baby gazelle.
Sonja, who is literally secreting straight booze after waking up in a puddle, looks at LuAnn and calls her rough. LuAnn is le hurt. Needless to say hungover yoga was a disaster. Sonja, can barely walk (did she hit up Captain Austin for a 3 am rendezvous?) and is farting constantly, and the other ladies just want a hair of the dog instead of downward dog.
And then it's back to NYC. Heather meets up with Kristen for some ice cream in Central Park where they discuss plans for the Pinotvention. Heather is still disgusted by Ramona's overall behavior on the trip and firmly believes Ramona is using her abuse as an excuse. Kristen cannot believe someone would get so mad over hair. I'm sorry I wasn't really listening – I was trying to decipher who made these ladies' sunglasses – j'adore!
Carole Radziwill is working on an article about manners and who better to call than The Countess. In case you hadn't heard, she wrote a book on manners. They discuss what to get the man you've only been dating a few weeks but may or may not have slept with. Had sex: get something more intimate – a massage perhaps (or a book on kama sutra). And for the sex-staving prudes – a book. It was nice to see these girls bonding over books instead of fighting over them! LuAnn tells Carole she wants to set her up with a friend named Nick and a double-date is made.
Then the ladies strap on their finest battle armor to confront Ramona. Heather has shoulder pads appropriately befitting of Dynasty. And Carole has donned a shorts suit. They orchestrate a plan to trap Ramona in the banquet between the innocent and teeny Carole and the domineering and broad-shouldered LuAnn. That way Ramona cannot flee when confronted. The plan goes off without a hitch – LuAnn immediately calls her out on lying by asking her how Molly Simms' party in the Hamptons was. Aaaahhh… Ramona's face! #BustedByBravo!
Ramona is squished and squashed and wine boarded and splashed with water on a freshly done blowout (luckily Ramona has that bang curler in her purse!). Ramona immediately turns to shrieking. She dropped the self-dubbed "classy lady" shtick in a hot minute. She insists her breakdown was real, denies a pre-orchestrated escape, tries to blame Heather for forcing her to come to the Berkshires, and claims Sonja is only mad that she wasn't invited along to the fabulous Ramona Wine Party (HA!). After shrieking, arguing, and lots of hysterical yelling, Ramona finally relents. She admits she was not behaving like a good friend and that she may need help. Everyone feels progress has been made. Ramona has taken what What About Bob calls a "baby step".
Back at home in a bedroom decorated in the theme of Golden Girls, Ramona puts on a Jane Fonda aerobics tape, grabs her jazzercize free weights, inserts her bang curler, lays out a bottle of pinot and Ramonercizes while laying a trap for Mario (nothing says sexy like a curler and some free weights!). Does Ramona seriously guzzle wine while exercising? My suspicions have been confirmed – her blood is made of pinot.
When Mario walks in and sees the wine he tries to back out slowly, but Ramona has spotted him. She shoves him down on a chair, and begins the slow languid seduction of whining that she was the subject of an intervention. Their interaction was so awkward! Mario looked from his old-fashioned bedroom to his old-fashioned wife, her curler, and the wine laid out with two glasses as product placement and told Ramona what she wanted to hear so he could escape Pinot Prison. Mario denies that Ramona needs therapy and says she doesn't need to work through any childhood phobias of pine trees -she's fine! Gotta go – meeting his personal trainer.
In other strained marriages, Kristen and Josh are in desperate need of therapy themselves. Their 17-month-old daughter Kingsley is not walking and gets physical therapy three-times per week. Kristen wants Josh to be more involved in their children so he took off work to be present for the therapy, but he's not happy about it. He spends the whole time on his phone, barely paying attention, while Kristen snaps at him and the PHYSICAL therapist reminds them she's not a marriage counselor, but she knows some people.
After therapy they get into an argument about how Josh's job is more important than his family and that he might come home more if Kristen actually cooked. Kristen wants him to remember their kids need him in their lives – and she wants him around too. He makes some really nasty comments about how she basically doesn't do anything while he's working for the family. He's a jerk. Can Kristen and Ramona get a twofer deal on a divorce attorney?
And I think I figured out the problem with Ramona and Kristen. They are both taking out their marital problems on each other! Ramona and Kristen meet for tea, and Ramona greets Kristen with flowers and a sincere apology! I know, my mouth was agape and the pinot spilled out. The pinotvention worked – Ramona done apologized for her behavior.
Unfortunately Kristen (who has just come off a nasty fight with Josh who acts like she's worthless) doesn't accept Ramona's apology. And instead of getting off the Ramonacoaster forever, she asks Ramona if she's an alcoholic and rips her a new one about her violent out of control behavior telling her abuse is not an excuse. Ramona denies having issues – which #delusional. Ramona in exchange tells Kristen she does not like her. Which does not surprise Kristen, who feels like Ramona's always trying to get away from her and be somewhere else. Speaking of which, before even ordering tea Ramona must whizz off to meet Avery and insinuates that Kristen is a bad mother. LuAnn has been there, done that with 'Moaner. Kristen calls Ramona a "monster" (a Ramonster!) and storms out. So that went nowhere. Goody…
Finally, LuAnn fixed Carole up with her friend Nick and they go on a double-date with Jacques. To call Carole an awkward dater is an understatement. LuAnn wonders how a woman who wrote book called The Widow's Guide To Sex And Dating can be so clueless. Nevertheless Carole seems to like him. She giggles to LuAnn not to let her talk too much! Too late – despite LuAnn's linebacker feet kicking Carole under the table (which Carole does not feel since she has on gladiator sandals that go up to her knee), Carole starts talking about orgasms and admits she Googled Nick before meeting him but confused him with a guy named Neal who has a record, but it's all fine now because they're not the same person. BTW: Does Nick have a job – cause she's nobody's sugarmama. Jacques is rating their date – he rates it a 2 for murky notes with tangy acidity that is overtaking the flavors. Carole is smitten, Nick is looking for the door.
And next week Avicious returns – and with her comes her pervy father. Ugh. Pass me the Ramona Pinot…
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – DID RAMONA LEARN FROM HER INTERVENTION? SHOULD KRISTEN HAVE ACCEPTED RAMONA'S APOLOGY OR IS RAMONA A WHACK JOB WHO NEEDS HELP?
