Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta a little redemption was served piping hot and brewed strong. Apollo Nida came clean about lies he told about Kenya Moore trying to get with him. The most shocking thing is that everyone was shocked Apollo would lie in the first place; liars lie, and so do criminals.
Lord – these are trying times when I have to type the word “fellatio” over and over again, but so be it. Thank you Bravo.
Apollo decided he could take no more of living in deceit – his soul needed purging, the man must be redeemed. Apparently two steps outside a prison cell he had an epiphany – and he ain’t gonna do bad no more! OK, well not quite, but Apollo finally copped up to lying about Kenya.
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Way back when Apollo told Phaedra Parks that Kenya offered him fellatio in a hotel room in LA. Phaedra was at this point in her marriage where she wanted to believe her husband – or something – so she called Kenya a “whore.” Kenya – well, she has been called many things, and some of them are true, but whore – not so much! A fake man lover, a boyfriend creator, a tilt-a-whirl of crazy, a wannabe Beyonce – yes – but she is NOT, no way a text-a-whore of married men. Twirl on that!
Apollo admitted that, yes, he made the whole thing up. Actually he decided it was Kenya’s fault because she burned workout video bridges, and got him thinking about stallion booties, and then, on the reunion, she told everyone – including Phaedra – that he had been texting her, and he wanted revenge. #sociopath. He lied that Kenya came onto him in LA – and NONE OF IT was true: Not them seeing each other in LA, not her hitting on him, and certainly not fellatio!
Kenya is”vindicated,” but she won’t let it go until Phaedra apologizes. It’ll be a cold day in hell, when the Devil is busy doing community service and righting his wrongs, right alongside Apollo, before I see that happening, but you know… stranger things. Stranger things, like Kandi Burruss buying Mama Joyce a house after she gave her a perfectly good one a few months before!
More on all of this later, but first let’s discuss Apollo showing up unannounced to Ayden’s dentist appointment, where Phaedra is dressed like Betty Draper, the Don years, in full glam. She did Apollo like Novocaine and was numb to his existence. I think she got all gussied up for that HOT dentist! Let’s all hope she’s not hooking up with Mr. Chocolate, but instead hooking up with Dr. Floss After Chocolate. Yes!
Ayden is too cute. So is Dylan. Phaedra fully intends to break the cycle and raise her sons to be strong black men. Apollo worries about how he is going to tell his Ayden about prison. Then he zooms away in his BMW 5-Series. Because – priorities. I’m sure the people he stole from appreciated that.
Across town Kenya is depressed because she has no friends and Porsha Williams attacked her at the reunion. Brandon, of the beige-on-beige Apollo beat-down, comes over to boost her confidence. Brandon encourages her to get out, do something, take in the sights, don’t let Porsha drag you down. Again. Kenya wants to be a “working actress” again. Really though, Kenya is still a working actress – I mean unless all that crazy is real?!
Then she and Brandon burst into song – they sing a rousing little jingle called “Really Bitch?” about how Kenya’s hair is real and Porsha couldn’t yank it out if she tried! Here’s some Really, Bitch to add to the equation: Krayonce: you don’t look like Beyonce, or sound like her either! But that was cute, all the same.
Cynthia Bailey is throwing a party to celebrate her sexy at any age fibroid-free spread in Ebony (did she get buttplants ala Kenya – is she morphing into Kenya? Is Kenya controlling her mind?!). Cynthia looks great – at all ages – but the photos were a little corny. Because the new Cynthia is like the old Kenya, she is no longer trying to make people like her, so some people are not invited, aka Porsha and NeNe Leakes.
NeNe, because she’s so high maintenance and her demands ruined Cynthia’s life. *side eye* Being friends with NeNe is a full-time job – except when you need her to boost your presence on RHOA and keep your reality TV job! Porsha because she has been running her mouth. And because Kenya hates them. Cynthia is now making Kenya her full-time job I see.
Anyway…
Kandi tells Todd she is buying Joyce a house. Joyce doesn’t like the other house Kandi gave her beuase she thinks Todd can kick her out at any time. Let me get this straight: Joyce doesn’t want Todd touching Kandi’s money… so she can have it all herself. Even worse, Joyce’s new house is nearby!
Joyce and Kandi are going house hunting and when Joyce shows up she barely speaks to Todd, even though he is incredibly polite to her. She is giving Todd the evil eye so nasty, I thought he was going to spontaneously combust, which is probably Joyce’s intent so she could just move right on in to Kandi’s mansion and KONTROL. Todd’s mama raised him right, I don’t know how Kandi turned out OK, but I certainly don’t credit Joyce for that!
The new house is massive – 7 bedrooms! – one for each of Joyce’s nasty personality traits. She doesn’t even seem grateful. Instead she immediately starts trash talking Todd. Kandi shares they’re trying to get pregnant and Joyce wonders if Todd had a vasectomy because she dreamed it. Yes, in Joyce’s dreams Todd and Kandi never have children because then Todd is around FOR-EV-ER.
Kandi wishes their families could get along and says Joyce owes Todd’s mother an apology for calling her a prostitute. Joyce disagrees – apparently Sharon owes her an apology – for giving birth to Todd. Joyce needs come get collected by Kenya so they can both go off somewhere to LooneyTunes land where everybody can sing, everyone is rich, and no one holds them accountable for anything.
You know, kind of like what happens at NeNe’s Zumanity show, which features an orgy. Despite her hellish makeup, she did a great job hosting and seemed to be having fun. I’m sure we’ll be hearing all about how NONE of her co-stars supported her while she is rising from the rubble, Phoenix-style, to carry the weight of reality TV on her ample side-pony wig. Now available from Wigz By Cigz.
Now back to Cynthia’s party. Kenya arrives with new Housewife Claudia Jordan, who just moved to Atlanta. *side eye*. As soon as Kenya walks through the door Kandi confronts her about calling the cops on Porsha at the reunion. Kandi tells it to Kenya straight that she provoked Porsha, because we really need to talk about this some more.
Kenya is about to leave when Apollo emerges from the abyss, unannounced, to re-open more history. Claudia immediately hides her purse – then double checks that her wallet didn’t levitate out and fall right into Apollo’s pocket. Upon seeing Apollo, Kenya high-tails it to the bathroom jr. high dance style,and holds back tears. Claudia is busy imagining Apollo’s post-prison abs.
With Kenya in hiding Apollo talks crap about Phaedra not supporting him. He tells Kandi, Cynthia, Peter (of course!), and Todd all about the ways Phaedra has done him dirty and tries to play hard, “She has a Jordan on one foot and a Louboutin on the other foot!” Kandi immediately calls him out on starting arguments and yelling, running around town on Phaedra, lying, and never trying to communicate or be there. And also, all that felony stuff that has made Apollo just another statistic. Bloop! Interesting that Kandi can speak her mind to everyone BUT Mama Joyce.
Apollo is stalking his prey, eyes on the prize and waits for Kenya to come out of the bathroom when he follows her outside, obsession Lifetime Movie style. He wants to talk to her “alone” – she smartly, does not take the bait – because he needs to “apologize” for lying about her. Interesting timing, this crisis of conscience. Interesting that Apollo is worried about hurting Kenya when he has no problem hurting his family and wife. Can we say RHOA storyline?!
Kenya doesn’t want to hear his apology unless he is being 100% truthful, he gets mad and stomps off where he subsequently, and casually, as if it is no big deal (which I guess it isn’t to a career liar), reveals to Kandi, Todd, Cynthia, and Peter that, oh yeah – he made up that whole fellatio thing!
Kandi is furious! She trusted Apollo! She trusted a criminal and was misled! Just like Phaedra. Todd and Peter are also shocked. Apollo is gonna wind up with no money on his books and no visitors if he keeps this crap up.
After realizing that he’s made his situation worse, Apollo heads back outside where he confesses to lying about everything – seeing Kenya in LA, the fellatio, the whole nine yards.
I feel bad for Kenya – Apollo owes her more than apology. I would say she should sue him for slander, but… Apollo is pathetic and disgusting. I’m glad Kenya did not accept his apology but demanded he tell the whole story – we can handle the truth – obviously he can’t, but we can! However, I do believe some inappropriate texts/conversations were exchanged between those two.
It is also a pattern for Kenya to start something devious – like trying to get Phaedra back by revealing Apollo’s texts and then gloating that she “came for her” – but then not liking the results. Like getting dragged at the reunion. Or being called a “whore” on national television.
Kenya feels she deserves an apology from Phaedra because Phaedra believed her husband and did not verify what he said. Maybe. Personally, I think they should both just change their numbers and put Apollo behind them. Really bitch – it’s a new day! Hold your beehive and your bootys up high, and let those Louboutins be made for walking – all over Apollo, his lies, and his gross behavior. Prison’s calling bitch!
TELL US – ARE YOU SHOCKED APOLLO MADE THE WHOLE FELLATIO STORY UP? DOES PHAEDRA OWE KENYA AN APOLOGY?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
