Thanks for tuning in to episode 1,000,314 of this season’s Dance Moms. You, like myself, must be a total glutton for punishment! Abby Lee Miller was up to her old tricks again, although this time she wasn’t yelling. Instead she was incessantly praising her star Maddie. Don’t get me wrong, I think Maddie is ridiculously talented and it’s not her fault her teacher alienates her with favoritism. However, it was a bit odd given that Maddie wasn’t present on last night’s episode to receive said praise. After a successful competition last week, the girls are missing Maddie who is performing on SNL with Sia. Melissa hates that she isn’t in New York with her daughter but she has to be there to support her other daughter…what’s her name? Oh, yeah, MacKenzie. I may just call her Maddie’s sister to make it easier. After all, that seems to be how everyone else refers to her.
Abby congratulates the team on a clean sweep and cites that it’s quite a big deal she’s chosen to be in Philly with them instead of in the Big Apple with Maddie. Jessalyn is excited to be returning to LA in a week now that JoJo has a team jacket. What a tease! The previews insinuated they were heading back to L.A. this week! How long are they trying to make this season? Is it lasting until 2018? Abby reminds her team that they are pretty much nothing without Maddie, but she’ll be interested to see how they fare in Maddie’s absence. She’s guessing not very well…
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE!
Chorus Line style the girls are asked to grab their head shots and Abby lines them up in order of how well they did at the competition. Kendall and JoJo on at the bottom of the pyramid, followed by Nia and MacKenzie. Abby praises Nia for utilizing her assets for drawing attention away from her flaws. Um, thanks? Kalani is at the top, but only because Maddie isn’t at the studio. Abby warns that the ALDC will be going head-to-head with the Candy Apples a second week in a row, and she know Cathy is out for blood. JoJo and MacKenzie are granted solos. The group routine will be a jazz-funk number inspired by the Spice Girls. Abby hates to have Maddie miss a lyrical routine. Kira is thrilled about the turn from lyrical, but she worries that straying from their strong suit may not be the wisest decision when going up against Cathy’s team which was hand-picked by Abby.
Back in Philly, Abby is hoping the energy of the jazz-funk routine will inspire her girls when they return to Los Angeles. Jill tries to rally the moms behind the idea that Abby saves her lyrical group routines for Maddie, and with Maddie gone, she’s happy to experiment with a new genre of dance. If they lose, it will be because Maddie isn’t participating. If they win, it will be in spite of missing Maddie. Melissa rolls her eyes at this totally asinine plausible idea. Holly seems calmer this episode…it must be the hat. Across state lines, Cathy is confident in her team’s ability to beat the ALDC. She has a troupe full of Kalanis with not a Nia in sight. That is so rude. The grown women don’t need to speak poorly about the girls.
JoJo’s solo is being touted by the mothers as being treated to a great solo. However, Jill reminds Jessalyn that Abby has JoJo facing off against Abby’s second favorite, mini-Maddie MacKenzie. Abby hopes that MacKenzie’s dance will allow her to shine outside of her sister’s shadow, but she tries to accomplish this by asking MacKenzie if she’s ever going to be better than or different from Maddie. Poor MackZ is almost in tears as she’s berated by Abby, and the mothers question why Melissa isn’t sticking up for her daughter in light of Abby’s bullying and eye-rolling. Melissa cites that there is no reasoning with Abby, and her daughters are both talented in their own rights. Remember, MackZ has a few iTunes hits! Melissa’s friends chastise her passive aggressively about not standing up for MacKenzie when Abby constantly compares her to the incomparable Maddie. As MacKenzie works on her solo, Abby screams out insults. When the poor girl forgets a step, Abby retorts that perhaps home-schooling MacKenzie is a waste if she can’t remember a simple routine. Maddie needs to be home-schooled so she has time to be a perfect dancer, but what’s the purpose for MacKenzie? When Melissa ruffles, arguing that MacKenzie is actually smarter than Maddie academically, her younger daughter begs her mom not anger the beast.
The moms explain to the girls the idea behind the Spice Girls, and MacKenzie doesn’t understand Ginger’s role in the group. Melissa interrupts to check social media, sharing that Maddie is rehearsing on the Saturday Night Live stage. MacKenzie jokes that she doesn’t miss her sister when she’s gone, and if this show wasn’t so scripted, I’d find her comment to be telling. The Spice Girls routine has cute costumes and is great fun, but it’s not a competitive number. Jill is worried that they will be going to Los Angeles without a win which won’t be good for the girls’ confidence…or Abby’s demeanor.
At the competition, Cathy and her team moms try to unnerve their counterparts by bombarding the ALDC’s dressing room. Abby hates how the ladies from her studio so easily take the bait, especially Jessalyn. MacKenzie is very nervous about her solo, and she receives back -to-back pep talks from both Melissa and her teammates. Her costume is wonderful and her tumbling is on point. I don’t see much choreography and Jessalyn agrees. JoJo’s dance is the opposite of MacKenzie’s…she’s got the hip hop and energy down pat, but again, I’m not floored by the choreography. She’s definitely talented, but the dance isn’t memorable. Backstage, Maddie facetimes with her Spice Girls incarnate teammates. Before they take the stage, Abby reminds her team that if they lose, the world will know that the only reason they are ever victorious is because of a person whose name rhymes with Baddie.
The moms and Abby are freaking out over the hip hop corral that is the Spice Girls number. It’s cute, it’s jumpy, it’s in sync. Not surprisingly, MacKenzie is the focal point so when they win, she’ll be just a tier lower than her perfect sister. Sure it was nice to see them do something different, but it certainly wasn’t their best group routine, in my opinion. Of course, you wouldn’t know that from the cheering and hoopla coming from the ALDC row. The Candy Apples routine seems more polished, but I’m still not in love. Listen, I’ll be the first to admit that I have no knowledge to properly critique choreography, but my sofa surfing self wasn’t impressed with most of the dancing tonight. Now excuse me while I MC Hammer myself into the kitchen for another snack. Those are my dance moves!
At the awards ceremony, JoJo beats out MacKenzie for the top winning solo. Abby isn’t shocked. JoJo is hungry while MacKenzie just rides her perfect sister’s coattails. Unfortunately for everyone, the ALDC is second to the Candy Apple’s group routine. No one wants to go to Los Angeles as second loser. Cathy is ready to celebrate her victory with a slice of cake donning a less than flattering picture of Abby. As Abby opines that Maddie would never lose, Cathy pops in to offer Abby some cake. Abby then makes fun of one of Cathy’s dancer’s ears. Unacceptable and horrific. The girl is in tears as her mother chases Abby down the hall for an explanation. Jill and Holly lead the apology charge, reminding the girl that she is gorgeous and accomplished. I want to cry right now. Abby doesn’t see what the big deal is…how hard is it to have one’s ears pinned back? Shame on you, Lifetime. Shame. On. You.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? HOW UGLY WAS ABBY IN THE LAST FIVE SECONDS?
[Photo Credit: Lifetime]
