Kim Kardashian of the future is coming to us. No, this isn’t a sci-fi Star Trek version of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, although Kim’s outfits often resemble it. In order to help herself grow and learn, Kim has publicly (of course) written a letter to her future self about what she hopes to have accomplished and learned.
Using her special marbleized computer (no doubt created from marble salvaged from abandoned guests’ seats at her wedding), in a letter written for Glamour, Kim addresses her 2025, 44-year-old self. Dear Kim, are you there, it’s me Kim. OMG – you’re like OLD now.
Predictably, Kim’s first thought is about her body and appearance. Seriously. It’s the second sentence after Dear Kim… “When it comes to how you feel about your body, remember to be kind to yourself and enjoy how you look now, because you’re not getting any younger,” Kim instructs future Kim, presumably only more vain and more shallow.
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In addition to her body woes, Kim tackles her hopes for other aspects of her future appearance: makeup! “I trust that you will still be the queen of contouring,” she threatens future-Kim. “May science invent a mysterious and delicious green juice to keep you tan forever.”
KIM GRACES THE COVER OF GLAMOUR MAGAZINE!
Kim also reminds herself to be patient with a now-twelve-year-old North, because pre-teens are really tough. “May you continue to feel blessed and grateful,” Kim continues, nodding as she self-congratulates herself on her deeeeep thoughts for herself. “I know junior high is really tough, so remember to have a lot of patience.”
Lashing out at haters of the future, Kim reminds herself to “continue to ignore them” while “focusing on everything positive.”
Kim also administers hopes and dreams for her family. Exempting her estranged brother Rob Kardashian, or her former step-mother Caitlyn Jenner.
“Call mom everyday,” recites future-Kim’s to-do list, tacking on that they should still be taking “lots of family vacations.”
“I hope Khloe finds her happily ever after and falls madly in love, because she really deserves it,” scribes Kim. As for Kourtney Kardashian, Kim advises her to “maybe be done having babies because she has a lot on her plate and doesn’t want to stop anytime soon.”
For Kendall Jenner, Kim hopes she continues with modeling, and “whatever she loves to do.” As for Kylie Jenner, Kim cautions her youngest sister to continue doing “whatever she wants because she is not one to take any direction.” We’ve noticed…
Kim also doesn’t mention a future hope for hubby Kanye West, who I assume will be frolicking with the dinosaurs of his delusion amid visions of his perfect Marilyn Monroebot in a technicolor hologram universe situated in the far southWEST korner of the Kardashian Kompound where he is holy roller empire of kool. I also imagine he’ll have a fashion like called Hubris will sell only kostumes of Kanye, but high-fashion kouture for seriouz kostumes, yo!
In other quandaries Kim has for the future, she wonders if she is “still filming” KUWTK? “Are selfies still a thing?” Kim also questions if she’ll still be decorating her dream home. “Is mom still making you do the family Christmas card,” she wonders. “If so, how are you possibly fitting everyone in?”
Kim also admonishes her future self about breaking the 100 billion follower mark on Instagram and claims she will be “very disappointed” in future self for failing to increase the family business.
You can see a video of Kim kreating deep thoughts for future Kim below.
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[Photo Credit: WENN]
