The second installment of the Real Housewives Of New York reunion felt like it should have been the first. Things were calm and largely collected before all the little slights and under-the-breath mumblings collected into the makings of a huge fight.
Last night the ladies covered what I refer to as administrative details, but Andy Cohen was utterly superfluous as Bethenny Frankel stepped in to truly host the reunion, which is an excellent way to take heat off your own misdeeds. Like when Bethenny repeatedly accused Ramon Singer of being nasty and having a nasty side and saying truly awful things. I was like for every finger Bethenny is pointing at Pinot Pologies of The Ramacrame Delusions of Turtle Time Island, there are four Singer Stingers pointing back at Bethenny. Honestly, is Bethenny cognizant that she is the queen of the cutting and nasty comment? Back to Dr. Amador‘s couch you go! She should just move the good doc into her Skinnygirl subsidized apartment, paint him red, and make him part of the zillions of products she hawks under the guise of healthy living.
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Bethenny is still highly incensed that Ramona accused her of cheating on her first husband, based on things Ramona had heard. Bethenny declares that she knows things – things that haven’t been seen or heard on the show, apparently artfully covered up by Bethenny’s discretion – but she COULD reveal them. Ramona is predictably nonplussed by the threats and just agrees with Bethenny’s assessment of all situations to get her off her back. But the fact remains: Bethenny knows things. Lots of things. About Ramona. WHAT THINGS?! (Bethenny knows Mario’s mistress, so she previously revealed). C’mom Ramona – quick! – provoke Bethenny! Ramona, sadly for my own sick pleasure, did not take the bait. Next time dangle a pinot and nuts in front of Ramona’s face. What – Ramona likes to snack on nuts!
Moving right along, the issues between Carole Radziwill and Luann de Lesseps will never die, until Adam ‘disappears’ it seems. Which could be quite a dishy Lifetime movie of two women who decide to save their friendship, one bound by haunted pasts, by destroying the man-child who came between them. We can call it, A Heart For A Heart.
Anyway, Carole says if she knew how touchy Luann would get about Adam, she never would have dated him. Everyone calls Luann out on seeing Adam and Carole heavily flirting that first weekend in the Hamptons and not doing or saying anything to redirect them (it was likely because she was distracted by thwarting Sonja Morgan from raiding the liquor closet and smuggling Lu’s entire vintage wine collection – a gift from the Napoleon III to the Count’s family in 1845 – into her sharpie’d Birkin). Luann never really said much all season until Turks and Caicos happened – and this comes from the Countess’ mouth herself! Luann feels Carole and Adam “escalated” before she was even aware and could have said something.
Carole accuses Luann of spewing hate about her far and wide – calling reporters to reveal the nefarious deeds of one Carole Radziwill, former Kennedy cousin-in-law and Radziwill bride, now resorting to schtupping the help. Carole even claims she cannot even ride in a cab without the cabbie enquiring about their feud. I do hope she was being facetious, or maybe it went like this: “Where to?” Carole: “Adam’s house – we’re f–king. He’s 28 and my besties and RHONY co-star’s nieces ex, and it’s kind of a scandal and a big deal but storyline – HOLLA!……………..Cont. For Duration Of Ride…….. .
Heather Thomson wonders why Luann isn’t talking to her and Luann shrugs that they have other issues, plus she was busy. Bethenny seems confused by the friendship kerfuffle of Carole/Lu/Heather. Luann previously described the girls as really cool and they together joked with Bethenny about how they were plotting to take her down. Carole and Heather roll their eyes. In other news, Luann has officially and forever rescinded Carole’s invites to her Hamptons home. Carole says she’ll stay with Bethenny; Bethenny picked lint off her pants.
Bethenny actually loves the ‘Cool Countess’ and thinks Luann should write another book about her New Beginnings/True Renewal/New Directions – whatever – because she’s let all the pretensions go, started living, and accepted that she is who she is. Even Ramona approves. Carole and Heather do not. Do you approve? Would you buy Be Cool With The Countess? Would you do the countess on a plane, in a bathroom? If you’re married, if you’re not, if you’re young and if you’re hot? Would you do the countess swinging from a chandelier; in a pirate costume, by the sea? Would you, would you viewer?
Finally Dorinda Medley gets her moment in the sparkly sun. Hannah was not thrilled to be discussed on the show, in connection to John, and Dorinda has no interest in marrying John at this point in her life, because why bother? She also doesn’t work becuase she was smart enough to sell Richard’s company when he died. Smart Cookie indeed! Bethenny defends Dorida and John’s relationship, and says he’s fun, but larger than life, and yes he wants his company on RHONY, but she doesn’t believe he’s using Dorinda as Ramona suspects. Bethenny is an expert on hangers-on and now won’t date men with Facebook pages.
Dorinda and Kristen Taekman get into some little tiff about whether or not Kristen had a right to be offended by John grinding on her. Kristen didn’t look like she took the whole thing seriously but Dorinda must have been 3-4 glasses of Pinot in by that time and started exploding about how now pretty girls were harmed in the making of this reality television show. Kristen just made shocked expressions and tried not to jostle her boob curtains.
Heather and Dorinda bicker over the F-U dinner nonsense, which still makes no sense. Bethenny cuts them both off by explaining that when Dorinda drinks a switch flips and she becomes an emotional train wreck. And Dorinda needs to cut her own crap by demurely claiming she doesn’t party – clearly, she does.
Of course, the real question of this reunion is: Has Ramona changed? Intriguingly both Bethenny and Sonja were on the fence! Because of course Ramona has NOT changed – she just got new boobs and one less husband. Otherwise everything is the same – even a flashback to last season’s region demonstrated she is essentially wearing the same dress, same hair, same jewelry, same daft and disconnected expression.
Andy asks Ramona about Mario, his mid-life crisis, and his affair; Ramoan confirms she did catch him in the act with the mistress while he was in the Hamptons. She had asked him to move out temporarily but decided to come down to “talk.” Mario told her not to come, but Ramona, no longer focusing on the “minutia” – her favorite Yiddish word for details, decided to be the bigger boob person and go anyway. But, SURPRISE! – there was that mistress. Live and in the flesh, and holding Ramona’s contacts hostage. The ironic thing is the while time Ramona is describing Mario’s cheating, Kristen had this wide-eyed, shocked expression and was visibly disgusted. Kristen: This is your life! This will be you come next reunion. Now hurry up and file for divorce to get ye a spot on next season’s cast!
Luann confesses to never liking Mario, after he referred to her as the “Countless” once. Bethenny agreed Mario has a mean side. Luann, who is now an expert on what people should and should not do at every age, asserts that men go through their own menopause. Yeah, probably. I also think Lu was defending Ramona as not responsible for the marriage failing. Mario blamed RHONY for their marriage falling apart and wasn’t happy living in Ramona’s shadow. Did he mean Ramona Singer Pinot’s shadow?
Ramona basically decided she wasn’t going to stick around while Mario sorted through his very humiliating and insulting mid-life crisis and she was better off moving along, playing Catholic school girl while flirting up a storm and insulting men all over NYC about their low stations in life. And Mario’s affair has been reduced to a plug to sell Ramona’s “carthotic” book, in which she reveals her makeover wasn’t just limited to personality and outlook, but also appearance and she can finally get away with not wearing “a brassiere.” If you are using the word brassiere, you are too old to be getting implants, Blanche Devereaux! BTW: She had some great sex tips for the older gal – Ramona ought just watch some reruns.
Eventually all of Mario’s misdeeds are undone by Bethenny and Ramona and some dresses, but it was the best few minutes of the show. Bethenny is still harping on these dresses, which Ramona couldn’t care less about it. Hilariously the Affair Of The Stolen Dresses began with a glass of spilled pinot, as so many mangled Housewives moments do, and that is what led to Ramona being in possession of Bethenny’s dress.
However, at the end of said dress-wearing Ramona simply stuffed dress 1 into her pocketbook (a word only Ramona still uses) and walked off Bethenny’s talk show set. Ramona maintains the assistant gave it to her, but Bethenny wonders why it wasn’t in a garment bag? Ramona simply shrugged, like whatever – I’m not admitting to stealing the dress, the best I can do is say “I sincerely respect your opinion to tell your side of the story Bethenny while I refuse not to own up to any of it.”
Here’s where I got confused; in order to get the original dress back Bethenny offered to trade Ramona another dress and sent some assistant over to make the swap. But Ramona claimed she didn’t have the dress or would get it to her later, so the assistant left the second dress without collecting on the first? Ramona claims in the process of dealing with Mario and his wandering peen, the dress fell out of the back of the car and may be on the back of his mistress.
Maybe Ramona bribed the assistant with some pinot, true renewal, and invite to her yearly Rejuvenation party. Sounds like Bethenny should be equally disappointed in herself that she got duped.
Ramona, clearly checked out, doesn’t get it – stealing is wrong. That’s like toddler 101. I mean, I had this discussion in Wegmans this week when my two-year-old refused to unhand a demonic-looking Beanie Baby kitten (yes, Beanies still exist; yes they are still stupid beyond belief and now look like Bratz animals). I should stop letting my kids watch Housewives, clearly – they’re getting the wrong idea about the law.
Eventually Ramona wondered why Bethenny cared about two old dresses, and Bethenny explains they didn’t even belong to her; they belonged to her talk show. Ramona smirkily answered, “Well, the show is canceled.” And that is how Ramona got away with stealing two dresses (value $1000), outsmarted Bethenny, and assistant, and a production company. Nope, Ramona doesn’t change – she just gets better at acclimating you to her insanity. Bethenny, realizing she’s been bested, concedes defeat – for now – quipping, “I still love you, you’re a f–king thief, and I still love you!”
So do we think Ramona will be donating those dresses to Dress For Success?
And just a reminder – part 3 of the RHONY reunion is on this Thursday, at 9pm.
TELL US – HAS RAMONA CHANGED? WOULD CAROLE HAVE STILL DATED ADAM? DO SONJA’S ONE-LINERS WIN THE REUNION?
Photo Credit: Bravo TV
