Things are unraveling on Real Housewives Of Orange County. I’m not sure if it’s because Vicki Gunvalson is getting caught in a lie, as Shannon Beador and Meghan King Edmonds presuppose, or if Vicki is collapsing under the pressure of despotic, backstabbing friends, the stress of a failing and disconcerting relationship, and the death of her mom.
Back at Shannon’s Aries party, Tamra Judge is spitting mad that Vicki is allowing Brooks to call her a liar and a backstabber. The unladylike doth protests too much!
Tamra believes Vicki is so influenced by Brooks (and his lies) she may be turning into Brooks! Shannon is hard-pressed to believe that the never, ever dim-witted Vicki could be bamboozled by a con man, so possibly, just possibly, she knows Brooks is faking cancer but is going along with it. Even Tamra can’t believe that – or at least that’s what Tamra is telling the cameras because the only time Tamra has Vicki’s back is when she’s stabbing it!
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Shannon’s Aries All Your Grievances party rages on and the dragons have escaped the pool and are ferociously devouring the remaining shards of the guests dignity, Heather Dubrow, wearing red as Hades (or leeches blood) pulls Vicki aside for a heart-to-heart. She informs Vicki that the doctor Brooks claims to be using for non-chemo cancer treatment (or curing pathological fibbing, or boosting immune systems, or paying child support – or WHATEVER!) is a dermatologist? (Or a Dr. Moon snake oil salesman). Heather would know she visited this doctor for cellulite treatments – and even those didn’t work!
“Something is hinky,” Heather lectures sternly. And that something isn’t the cellulite still firmly attached to Heather’s ass – it’s Brooks’s ever-changing cancer treatment regiment. Now he’s going back to chemo?! Heather advises Vicki to tell everyone “f–k you” by producing his medical records. Vicki believes they shouldn’t have to. Vicki looks like she’s imploding and she just might snap. At just the pivotal moment, knight in shining armor, Brooks rushes in and whisks Vicki away.
Outside Shannon is cutting cake and bellowing that her “Fell0w-Aries” Vicki should be there. Yeah, why console a friend when there’s sparklers and chocolate? Eddie was right there by dessert’s side – now that the noodles have been all scarfed up.
After Vicki leaves, the ladies scramble to find a comfortable sofa for trash talking her. Meghan gleefully reveals that Vicki said she never asked Shannon for help. An incensed Shannon scoffs that she got Brooks not one, but TWO doctors willing to take his case, but he never went? (Now it’s two? Last week it was one!). Shannon decides now is the time for Brooks to “show them the labs” because the speculation is getting out of control.
Hmmmm…. why is it getting out of control? Is it because Meghan is bored, insane, and weirdly obsessed enough to devote all of her waking hours to curing cancer stalking Brooks? Or is it because Vicki’s so-called friends have willingly glommed onto Meghan’s quest for justice and truth persecution out of “love” for Vicki?
At this point I am SO OVER Real Housewives of CancerIsland, I can’t stand it! There was nothing else going on Orange County besides hating Brooks, questioning his lies, and cancer? Seriously!? This is all made worse by the fact that Vicki recently lost her mother, yet all of her friends are just relishing in a new potential Brooks plot. Of course, Brooks does have a pattern of lying and a sleazy overly-effusive fakeness about him, but that’s quite a stretch to believing, on the behest of MEGHAN, that he is faking cancer and Vicki is in on the scam! Am I the only one thinking this? At this point Meghan sucks so bad I’d rather have Gretchen back. OK, no – not that, but at least Alexis Bellino! At least Alexis was goofy. Whereas Meghan is the real cancer on RHOC.
Then Me-Me-MEghan takes Hayley, who doesn’t go to school (and attended the Kylie Jenner Makeup Academy to look like a 45-year-old cougar when you’re only 17) prom dress shopping. Meghan regales us with stories of her high school self sneaking boys, getting drunk, and always being in trouble. So what’s changed?
After praising herself for being such an amazing support to Hayley through the most challenging time of her life, Meghan questions Hayley about LeeAnn’s cancer treatments while she’s trying on dresses. Dresses, I might add, that belong in Kris Jenner’s closet. But seriously – CAN MEGHAN KING EDMONDS DO ANYTHING WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT CANCER?! Meghan does realize she doesn’t have cancer, right?
Tamra, meanwhile visits Vicki. First Tamra apologizes, then she tells Vicki it’s really difficult for HER to deal with others thinking Brooks is lying about his cancer. Side note: Vicki is seeming much more authentic this season.
Vicki’s hair looks good (for once) and she immediately takes ownership for repeating the gossip about Meghan and Jimmy to Tamra. But she questions why, if Tamra is supposed to be a close friend, she’s running to tell Meghan what was said? Tamra doesn’t answer. She doesn’t have to – it’s obvious. Vicki says if Tamra is her friend she’ll tell Meghan to back-off and she’ll act like a true friend.
Tamra skips over to CUT Fitness, where Meghan is waiting, dressed entirely in hot pink, to hear what juicy tidbits Tamra has brought her today. But instead Tamra starts to feel a small twinge of something rattling inside of her. It’s making her feel a little queasy, like morning sickness, but in a good way because you know something beautiful is also happening at the same time. “Jesus?” She asks looking up at at the aerial yoga ropes. No, Tamra this is called a CONSCIENCE.
Instead of gossiping about Vicki to Meghan, Tamra tells Meghan to make like Frozen and let it go because if Brooks is lying it will eventually out itself. In the meantime Tamra is trying to be a supportive friend to Vicki. Of course we know neither of these things will happen, but baby steps, right? Baby steps towards the path of righteous which coincidentally will end in being baptized while wearing a white lace catsuit?
In Heather-land, Terry isn’t supporting or validating her enough. Heather has been working day and night to build this mansion, while Terry has been working day and night to build his reality TV career. In a fit of hysterical blindness Heather decided it would be fun to create an etching of a tree with birds to represent their family and install it on the giant picture window. Heather presents the sketch to Terry who pretty much laughs like, You want a high school art project in a $20 million dollar home? There are Picasso’s for sale?. Heather is furious that Terry’s not gushing over this idea, which means so much to her.
Then, finally!, through the clouds the sun appears in the form of Lisa Rinna. She’s tanned, and satiny, and poufy-haired, and bright, and sassy, and spunky and fun! She’s there so Heather can get advice about how to sell things on QVC. Lipsa tells Heather to be herself (just not the elitist, arrogant, control-freaky parts), then winds-up counseling Heather on how to help Terry understand she needs his validation and support. Heather doesn’t want gifts, she wants Terry’s attention. Lisa looks bored. It’s hard to feel sympathy for a woman whining about being unloved when she’s building a $20 million dollar house to her exact specifications while her husband signs the checks.
Meanwhile Tamra is also dealing with ungratefulness. Ryan is in town visiting the house Tamra just paid $8k for but he’s stomping around complaining about paint and how he needs to leave because he’s hungry. Eddie looks bemused. After Ryan and his acquired family peal out of their new driveway, Tamra defends him as really struggling to adjust to responsibility. She knows, because he confided that he’s doubting getting married. Poor Ryan… it’s SOOOOOOOOO hard to be a 30-year-old grownup! Just ask Meghan! Kegger at the Edmonds – Jim is in STL and Hayley’s at prom.
Shannon is cooking something for David, who wordless stuffs chips in his mouth (as part of Shannon’s ‘letting go’ approach she’s letting him eat them now). Shannon rattles on and on about Brooks and The Cancer and whether or not Vicki knows he’s faking it, but is afraid to admit it, because how would you live with someone and not know? And there are so many inconsistencies (that there are!). But most disconcerting is that Brooks didn’t go to Shannon’s doctors. Dr. Moon treats cancer now? Did Meghan confirm this? Meghan only trusts prestigious academies like the Fisher Price Institute Of OnCoology and Doc McStuffins Academy Of Plushtiatric Care. David seems relieved they’re not discussing his affair for once and nods off into the salsa.
Vicki and Brooks participate in some “earthing,” which is supposed to connect you to the pesticide-sprayed grass of tranquility. I’m pretty sure they’re being taught by Yolanda Foster‘s long-lost sister. When earthing and juicing converge miracles occur.
Finally, Shannon meets Vicki for lunch to ask serious questions. Vicki is already having a bad day and is looking forward to meeting a friend for lunch. Shannon looks like she may poop a whole lemon and she’s not wearing one of Lisa Rinna‘s Depends. Shannon is so nervous she accidentally orders water instead of vodka.
Almost immediately Shannon launches into Vicki about The Cancer. Vicki snaps – she wants to talk about anything BUT Brooks (what a coincidence – me too!). She begs Shannon not to bring it up and starts to cry – tears with liquid! A REAL HOUSEWIVES FIRST! Vicki expresses that she’s between a rock and a hard place – she can’t force Brooks to show his medical records and she can’t steal them. “Call Brooks!” she instructs Shannon. Then a tearful Vicki goes back to work.
My two cents time (I’m worth more than Ryan and Brooks – yay!). The ladies seem to be dissecting every single thing Vicki and Brooks say looking for indicators that it’s a lie or can be disproved. (Like does Vicki go to his doctors appointments – she said she went to one, then she said she’s going!). And yes, there are inconsistencies – but they all seem to be stemming from Brooks.
I’ve been frustrated with Vicki, but I feel for her – clearly she’s beginning to doubt Brooks (or has been for some time?), but their relationship appears extremely unhealthy. Extremely. These women need to stop questioning and be her friend – not just say they’re trying to be. Also, stop engaging with Meghan concerning Vicki and Brooks! Meghan is rapidly approaching Danielle Staub levels of inanity.
Maybe Vicki would reveal the truth (or at least her feelings and concerns) if she believed these women were trustworthy, but she is right to feel betrayed. Cancer is personal and why should someone with no medical knowledge or relationship to the affected feel it is their business to literally stalk him? And why would Vicki’s so-called friends participate in this?! It is baffling – especially because they know all she is going through and have alluded to how unhealthy her relationship is. She needs help, not scrutiny.
I feel sympathy for Vicki, disgusted by Meghan, and am confused by Brooks’s pattern of lies. Just me?
TELL US – IS VICKI COVERING BROOKS LIES OR DOES SHE TRULY JUST NEED HER FRIENDS TO BACK-OFF?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
