Last night’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy left me just a tad more stupid than it normally does. I can’t even mentally prepare an introduction, so we’re just going to dive right in! The show begins with Chef KJ in the kitchen with Tracey, and Kim Zolciak-Biermann admits that he picks up on everything. Whether Kim is eating a cookie, cussing up a storm, or drinking wine for breakfast, he’s going to notice, so she needs to be on her best behavior. Kim then asks Tracey why the f*@% she didn’t call her the day before. And we wonder why KJ’s every other word is bleeped. Tracey admits that she and Brooklyn have broken up again. The couple has been on and off for a decade, but Tracey swears this time their relationship is over for good. Tracey plans to get a tattoo that Brooklyn forbade her from getting just for spite.
Brielle, Slade, and Ariana are dining together, and Ariana questions her sister about the future. Brielle has grand plans for stardom, but first she needs food. Filet mig-non, anyone? Ariana rolls her eyes and chides Slade about following her sister out west. He’s so whipped, he’ll definitely do it. Brielle wants to approach her mom and Kroy about the two of them living together. Slade knows her parents would never agree, but she reasons that they’d rather have her shack up with Slade in Los Angeles than live alone. Her parents need to stop treating her like she’s fourteen. That was so four years ago!
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Kim decides that she, Tracey, and Shun need some girl time together. Tracey wonders if two women with such relationship issues need to be hanging out together. Plus, Tracey’s gaydar is strong, and she’s getting vibes from Shun. Kim and Tracey ambush Shun as to her sexual preferences. She is adamant that she’s not a lesbian, swearing the only Britney she likes is her own. A shocked Shun asks if she’s being hit on by Kim’s chef as Tracey promises slow dancing and gourmet meals. Shun then seems intrigued, but their flirtation is interrupted by a walk down memory lane to that time Kim swam in the lady pond for a story line.
Tracey is heading to get the leprechaun tattoo designed with love by Kroy, and she’s got Kim, Kroy, Ariana, Brielle, and Slade in tow. Just a word to the wise, when the tattoo artist questions your tattoo choice, that’s not a good sign. As Tracey swears and screams in pain, Kim settles in to order a gluten free pizza. How’s that garden coming along, Kim? The following day, Slade is having second thoughts about asking to move in with Brielle. Slade recommends telling her folks that she missed the application deadline for college instead. Brielle hatches a kidnapping scheme that will no doubt have Kroy giving his blessing. Oh, and by the way, she totally would’ve slayed college if she wanted to go. Bless her heart.
Because one scripted afternoon with Kim, Tracey, and Shun isn’t enough, let’s mix in cocktails and a crowded bar. Shun admits that she isn’t good at approaching strangers, but Tracey makes the rounds, corralling two “unsuspecting” women for their table. The ladies are also lesbians, and Tracey is getting their digits. Kim realizes that a single Tracey is far more frightening than a coupled Tracey…terrifying. Kim also hopes that Shun finds love regardless of gender…but if Shun has been wasting her time trying to find her a man, Kim is going to be peeved. At the house, Kroy throws a fit because Brielle ran over some dog poop in the driveway. As the family screams about the mess, Kroy summons Brielle for some pressure washing. “That’s bullsh*t,” says KJ, who has also clearly mastered highbrow humor. The crew bleeps their way through a very dramatic driveway debacle. Geez. I think my brain cells are depleting so as not to make Brielle feel badly…
In the mini-clip, Shun can’t get over over Tracey’s colorful tattoo of a leprechaun wielding a ham hock with the words “I ham lucky” underneath. WTF? Shun wants to know why Lucky Charms is dancing with a chicken leg. Me too, Shun. Me too. As Kroy secures the pressure washer, Brielle casually admits she applied to college too late…and perhaps on purpose. What’s the point of college anyway? It’s just four years of drinking. Kroy hopes that Brielle has a plan. She’ll get an internship at E! thanks to her mom. Kroy wants to know how she plans to reach her goals. What is on her resume? Um, nothing? Kim bitches at Kroy for dashing Brielle’s dreams. Kim has connections. Hell, Brielle may even get to skip over the internship and go straight to anchoring E! News! She questions what Kroy would have done if people told him he wasn’t going to play in the NFL? He retorts that most people thought he couldn’t do it, and he had to work hard. Hard work? What’s that? It’s just who you know according to Kim. I can’t.
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[Photo Credit: Bravo]
