Finally. Last night was the season finale of Don’t Be Tardy, so we had to bid farewell to chef Tracy. Don’t cry. It’s Bravo. She’ll be back. They’ll all be back. That said, if Brielle gets a job at E! News, I officially give up…on everything. Plus, I have a big birthday coming up, and every time I watch this show and remember that Kim Zolciak Biermann claims to be is a few years younger than I am, I want drown my sorrows in some of her sparkling raspberry moscato. If you’ve had it, you know how badly this realization is for me.
The episode begins with KJ and Kroy building a kite. Kroy is heading off to camp with the Falcons which makes KJ the f$%#&* head of the household. KJ has it covered. He plans to chain Brielle in her room for at least a week. Smart kid. Meanwhile, Brielle and Slade are debating how much a ton weighs, and Kim and Kroy are taking the couple to Kim’s favorite psychic, Rose, so they can figure out the future of their relationship. Kim loves the psychic so much, Kaia’s middle name is Rose. Rose predicts that Brielle will have three kids, a wonderful husband and good fortune…and it’s starting next year. Rose reads Slade’s palm and also sees a marriage within a year. Slade jokes that it will be a really tiny ring then.
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Back at home, Kim is livid to see the havoc ensuing on her Bentley and G-Wagon thanks to some pesky opossums that got trapped in the garage overnight. There is mud everywhere and critter prints are all over the place. Tracy is excited…this means she can catch them! All she needs is some deer urine and Kroy’s night vision goggles. Tracy may lie about a lot, but her knowledge of opossums is legit (or so she says). Tracy convinces Kim that the rodents were trying to break into her house. Is it just me, or is Tracy’s hair about three inches shorter in her talking heads with Ariana?
Kim and Shun are lunching at Kim’s favorite Mexican restaurant (Shun’s is Taco Bell…respect), and there’s only one way to do lunch when you’re Kim…with Patron. Also, respect. Kim recaps their recent trip to Los Angeles, and Kim shares that Rose foresees both Brielle and Slade getting married in a year. She couldn’t hand pick a better guy for her daughter. Slade is like a younger Kroy, only dumber. That’s frightening. Kim tells Shun that if Brielle doesn’t head west, she’s going to have to get a job in lieu of not going to college. Back home, Brielle is taking selfies when her mom drops a bomb. E! called. The network only accepts interns that are enrolled in college. Weird, right? #sarcasm Brielle is bummed, but hey, she’s getting married in a year, so there’s that. Kim lays down the law. Brielle has two months to decide whether to go to school or get a job. Two months? That’s way harsh Tai.
Kroy is preparing to head off to camp, and Kim is frustrated. When he’s gone, her kids go crazy. They don’t listen to her like they do him. Wait, her kids listen? Kroy says his good-byes, and Brielle opines about how hard it is for Kroy to be missing from their family. I do think he’s a good dad. He’s got patience….I’ll give him that. As Kroy drives off, KJ threatens to punch his sister in the ass. Kids say the darndest things! Before Kroy leaves, he enlists KJ to teach Kade how to drive a kiddie jeep. I like to think I’d never be a helicopter parent (I’d let my future kids drink from a hose and play outside barefoot), but these two need helmets…not because they are toddlers in a motorized tiny car, but because it’s KJ. Teaching Kade. Who is two. To drive a motorized kiddie car. Which crashes. Boys will be boys, right?
With Kroy gone, Kim can’t handle the young ones. Should we be concerned with Kaia’s whereabouts? Has she had any screen time? Slade is getting a glimpse of what life will be like if he marries Brielle. That break-up was inevitable. Tracy arrives with the “jankiest” trap ever to catch the opossums. Kim grabs her trusty Solo cup of wine as the toddlers arm themselves with Nerf guns. Those marsupials are doomed. The MENSA meeting decides to lure the poor animals with dog food. Kim compares her family to the Beverly Hillbillies. Don’t disrespect those Texas Tea loving hillbillies. Kim ends the episode as I’ll end this recap after watching said episode…FML.
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[Photo Credit: Bravo]
