Who’s ready for Real Housewives Of Atlanta season 8? Before we dive into new drama – and new Housewives – as well as confronting a RHOA without NeNe Leakes, let’s recap what happened last season. Lest we forget…
Season 7 was supposed to be about moving on, moving forward, and finally leaving the past behind, but instead it often felt as if we were experiencing Deja-View. As in didn’t we already cover Kenya Moore vs. Phaedra Parks arguing over Whoregate and Apollo Nida?
Of course not everything was the same – speaking of Apollo – in the middle of the season he self-surrendered to federal prison in Lexington, KY to begin serving an 8-year fraud sentence.
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Last season also added Claudia Jordan to the cast, but demoted Porsha Williams for not sharing enough of her life. However, Porsha’s personal life was more on display than several of the actual peach-carrying Housewives!
So let’s recap last season’s drama!
Recent Atlanta transplant, Claudia joined the show to discus her phalange’s desperate need for podiatry. Claudia also struggled with being a bi-racial woman and to get over her vehement animosity for Porsha, who also happened to be her co-star at Dish Network’s Ricky Smiley Show.
Clawdia and Porsha did not hit it off! At all! Ostensibly Clawdia’s issues with Porsha stemmed from Claudia’s friendship with Kenya’s, i.e. Claudia was disgusted that Porsha constantly slut-shamed Kenya. To teach Porsha a lesson, a twat for a twat, Claudia decided to announce that Porsha was enjoying the company of a very married African sugar daddy.
Claudia also complained of Porsha causing drama at Ricky Smiley by she didn’t want to be her BFF. Can we say “desperate”?
Clawdia also went on a fake-date with Kordell, a tip she no doubt learned from Kenya. How To Fake A Boyfriend In 10 Episodes Or Less!
Claudia’s other contribution was to force the ladies to take seriously the teachings of the diminutive Dr. Jeff, who met his match in the formidable NeNe Leakes.
Ahhh… NeNe. So present, yet so absent.
NeNe, who had just landed her first role on Broadway and missed a portion of last season’s events, also skipped the cast trip to the Philippines. While NeNe may have been short on camera time, she certainly wasn’t short on drama! The entire season revolved around all the ladies “atoning” for NeNe’s treatment of them in the past.
NeNe did manage to attend the cast trip to Puerto Rico, where newbie Claudia drew a line in the sand by burying NeNe in an epic battle of low-blow insults before the first dinner course was even served! Among the delightful bon-mots, NeNe wondered if Claudia’s clit had left her body, then called her a half-breed. Claudia mocked the “Clorox hat” (as always, Thanks Bryan!) NeNe calls hair.
NeNe couldn’t get along with anyone last season – not even Cynthia Bailey! Cynthia, now thick as thieves with Kenya, decided she could take no more of NeNe’s highfalutin disrespect and burned their friendship contract! THE HORROR! I’m still not sure what the hell these two were even fighting about? Something about Peachter?
NeNe attempted to reach some neutral ground with Kenya, and she even persuaded Kenya and Porsha to break bread (instead of necks), but when it came to practicing what she peached, NeNe wasn’t really interested in resuming her friendship with Kenya.
The one person NeNe did get along with – surprisingly – was Phaedra. After seasons of discontent between the two, NeNe discovered an ally in Phaedra. Maybe it was the Athens connection, NeNe so vehemently denied in the past.
Whatever the case, the ladies all ended up in therapy – at NeNe’s behest no less -where NeNe suddenly flipped out, stormed out, and accused Dr. Jeff plus the entire group of “ganging up on her” by blaming her for all of their problems. She particularly pinpointed Clawdia and Kenya.
While NeNe had a point that she wasn’t responsible for all the fighting, pettiness, and shade (it takes 7 to twirl!), she failed to accept any accountability for the fractures in the group. And she also threatened to take Dr. Jeff to the medical review board. Sanity now!
With NeNe blazing out of therapy like devilish red bottoms on wheels, Clawdia hosted a peace keeping summit in the Philippines where she duly embraced the good works of Dr. Jeff and encouraged the ladies to do likewise. Peace-ish was temporary. At best.
Perhaps the most major storylines last season centered around Phaedra: her divorce from the possibly philandering, definitely defrauding Apollo, her friendship breakup with Kandi Burruss, her nonstop issues with Kenya, and her possibly wayward ways with one unidentified Mr. Chocolate!
With Apollo headed to prison, Phaedra moved into a new house, revealing that she and Apollo had been separated for months with Apollo threatening divorce.
Apollo made good use of the time he had left, not by reconnecting with his wife and sons, but by making amends with Kenya by revealing he had lied all along about her trying to hook up with him in LA. Apollo apologized, and when Phaedra heard the news she immediately admitted to owing Kenya an apology. A few days later Phaedra was signing a different tune and thinking maaaaaybe Kenya wasn’t that innocent – after all, she was flirting with Apollo, and texting him!
Days before Apollo was due to leave for prison he spilled a little hot chocolate to Peachter about Phaedra locking her chocolate cake out of the house, while eating a different chocolate cake too.
Peachter in turn reported this dubious reveal to Cynthia, who ran full of the glee to Kenya. Over a group dinner, Cynthia proceeded to ask Phaedra how she liked her chocolate on the side. Kenya accused Phaedra of having an affair therefore being the real whore of Atlanta! Kenya felt entitled to revenge, after all, Phaedra had been accusing her of being a whore for so many seasons over Apollo’s lies. Phaedra’s response was to threaten to wallop the twirl out of Kenya by using her clutch as a prop. Then Phaedra stormed out.
Eventually Phaedra and Kenya cried and prayed and supposedly made peace in the Philippines. Then the reunion happened. Peace, what peace? Whoregate raged on.
The Mr. Chocolate incident had unintended consequences for Phaedra and Kandi. In light of the accusations over dinner, Phaedra felt Kandi was more interested in eating chicken than defending her friend. It turned out Apollo had told Kandi and Todd this same tale months prior, but Kandi dismissed as BS yet never bothered to tell Phaedra. In fact, according to Phaedra, Kandi hadn’t told her much of anything, because she seldom called at all.
Kandi had her own issues – Mama Joyce vs. Sharon raged on apoplectically, and when Sharon learned Joyce had been Phaedraing her by calling her a whore all over this side of Memphis she was not having anymore attempts to make nice. All the tension was causing Kandi and Todd major frustrations when they should have been enjoying their time as newlyweds. And trying to make a baby. Which was impossible with Todd’s traveling and Mama Joyce’s constant undermining!
However, Kandi’s relationship dramas paled in comparison to Phaedra and Apollo’s. The day he was supposed to check into prison, Apollo went AWOL showing up at Phaedra’s threatening her and yelling in her face. He also appeared, uninvited, to a club to ominously and uncomfortably leer at Phaedra to remember he was her huzzzzzzband – and she certainly wanted him as a newly released ex-con when she traversed to the ghetto to get freaky on his halfway house air mattress. Phaedra could not recall…
The whole situation made for uncomfortable viewing.
But at least it was a real relationship – unlike whatever Kenya hd going on with mystery man of the month. But alas – Kenya did mange to wear a wedding gown. For her sitcom Life Twirls On. Kenya’s major storyline – other than hating Phaedra – was producing Life Twirls On, starring Cynthia, Leon, and Kenya’s ever-ripening delusion.
Kenya got the pilot episode made, promising we’d see it on TV. And we did. In clips for the season finale of Real Housewives Of Atlanta. Life Twirls On never made it any farther, but the ladies celebrated Kenya’s accomplishment without fighting and it seems all their resentment, nonsense, and bickering had twirled on too – until the reunion.
At the reunion NeNe had another epic meltdown because of Dr. Jeff. This time it was over pent-up regression related to her mother’s abandonment. Well, at least nobody got dragged this year!
Well, like NeNe’s Bride Of Frankenstein wig, last season is all in the past. And tonight we look forward to new dramas to celebrate.
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[Photo Credits: Bravo]
