Kristen Doute, James Kennedy, Tom Sandoval, and Ariana Madix were in the hot seat on the Vanderpump Rules after show last night, and oh man, two of them – guess who – should have stayed home. Just when I think Kristen and James couldn’t sound more foolish…
Kristen‘s annoyed that Lisa Vanderpump put conditions on Katie Maloney‘s engagement party at her house, because, she argues, it meant sooo much to Katie to have Kristen and Stassi Schroeder there. Um, apparently not, or she would have decided to have the party elsewhere. Katie didn’t hesitate, not even for a second, to accept Lisa’s conditions.
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Kristen adds, “Katie wants me there. That means Schwartz is going to have to want me there. Everyone else in the group doesn’t have a problem with me anymore. I missed Katie’s engagement and I’m not gonna miss her engagement party. If I want my way, I’m going to get my way.” #StompsFoot #CrossesArms
When asked about Boning on the Beamer, Kristen states, “We were NOT on TOP of a car in the parking garage.” Seriously, Kristen? You sleep with James Kennedy, and when asked to explain yourself, that is what you want to clarify?!
What happened between the restaurant and the parking garage? “Basically, he was really sweet and I was feeling for him. It was so nice to see him in a much healthier place than he had been for so long. Sober James is Nice James,” she says. “Who am I to not give him a chance when I got so many of them?”
“I have done worse,” admits Kristen, “but this definitely is right up there on the totem pole of poor decisions that I’ve made. I think that was rock bottom.”
Kristen declares herself a changed woman, “I’m done with the poor decision making. I feel like everything that I’ve gone through… especially the last couple of summers… losing all my friends, losing my boyfriend, dating someone like James, then doing that. Like, all these bad things have finally come to an end.”
James’s mother, Jacqueline, claims she wasn’t nervous about James joining Vanderpump Rules. “I love the show. I loved the show before he was even on it,” she admits. “It didn’t make me nervous. I was really proud of him.”
When asked if there’s anything he wishes his mom hadn’t seen him do on the show, James says, “The disrespecting towards women, like me telling Kristen to go f–k herself and calling Lala a basic bitch in front of everyone. These are disrespectful things that obviously my mom didn’t teach me to do.”
“Like spitting on Kristen‘s door?” asks the host.
“I’m glad he spat on the door,” announces James‘ mom. “I would have done it to her face. Oh yeah, I’ll cut a bitch.”
James says he was “a little lonely” when he reached out to Kristen that night. “One time flings and flirting on a night-to-night basis with random girls slowly becomes blank,” he bemoans. “I was looking for something with a little bit more substance. I felt a little insecure of where I was at the time.”
Vulnerable James reverts back to Misogynistic James the very second he hears Kristen denied having sex ON the car.
Calling out doggy style as Kristen‘s favorite position, he adds, “Well, she was leaning all over the car, her hands were slipping. It wasn’t even my idea to do that. She’s such an un-classy woman. It takes two to tango, but I’m a f–king guy for God’s sakes. It’s not every day you see a girl who’s like, ‘Oh, my boyfriend’s upstairs, but whoop there goes my dress.'”
Tom wasn’t surprised to hear Jax Taylor diss his music video, “It seems to me like anything that’s not focused on Jax, he hates on.”
Ariana thinks it is “very sad” for Jax to say Tom was more fun when she was Kristen. “Tom was f–king miserable,” she laments. “To say that just shows that you don’t really give a sh-t about your friend.”
Tom points out, last season, everyone was all “we’ve never seen Tom happier” about his and Ariana‘s relationship. This season, everyone is all, “Ariana is the worst.” Tom adds, “That is just Jax, again, attacking everything that I am in this moment.”
When Ariana says that they must be bored with their lives, the host asks, “Are you bored with them?” Ariana says, “Only boring people get bored.” New question: Is Ariana over them? “Not the people,” she claims, “just the bullsh-t.”
“Exactly,” adds Tom. “I love Katie. I love Schwartz. I love Scheana and Shay. I love Jax, too, in a lot of ways… I do. I just feel like sometimes with a group of friends they choose… like, if you have a sleepover, and it’s like three girls, it always seems like two of them kind of gang up on the other one. I feel like they just sort of decided to paint a target on us.”
Tom‘s thoughts on Stassi, “Over the years, I have never put up with her sh-t. I mean, everybody else has, but I have never put up with her sh-t. Like I told her, personality wise and with your friends, you have bad credit.”
After watching a preview of Jax and Stassi‘s face-to-face on the season finale, Ariana points out, “It’s funny that Stassi was making a big deal about Jax trying to break up Katie and Schwartz last year, but Kristen also tried to break up Katie and Schwartz last year and that doesn’t seem to matter. Well, OK, I guess that’s water under the bridge now.”
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