The Mother/Daughter Experiment Recap: Krista Knows Best

Last night’s episode of The Mother/Daughter Experiment was supposed to be about resentment, but the focus was all about delusion. 

Courtney Stodden and Krista Keller are such an extreme level of dysfunction it’s practically nullified the other moms/daughters, uniting them in their shared astonishment at the of f–ked uppityness. Everyone overtly gawks at the crazy. The collective question everyone wants an answer to: Why would Krista would allow her 16-year-old daughter to marry a 51-year-old? No one gets a straight answer, just a lot of subterfuge and obfuscation around the point. 

Heidi Montag and Natalie Nunn have bonded and make it their mission to get to the bottom of this. 

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The only mother/daughter pairing that seems to have real-life drama anywhere close to Krista and Courtney are Kim Richards and Kimberly Jackson, but where Krista and Courtney are exploding and oozing over the edges of sanity, Kim and Kimberly are putting on smiley, happy, we’re perfect and fine acts. 

Am I the only person who’s obsessed with Heidi? She fascinates me … she finally seems over chasing fame for the sake of fame, and like she legitimately recognizes the mistakes she’s made and the mess she’s made of her opportunity. 

After the first day of therapy the ladies are binge eating ice cream, or in the case of Natalie, Heidi and Jessica Canseco, binge drinking vodka. Josie gets increasingly annoyed the rowdier Jessica gets and complains that her mom parties too much.

Josie tries to tell Jessica how she feels, but Jessica responds by telling Josie “take a Xanax,” with absolutely no emotion or consideration for why she’s upset. Josie runs outside to call her boyfriend, sobbing about how the show is supposed to be about bonding with her mom, but Jessica only cares about Jessica and partying, per the usual. Jessica sulks about being forced to deal with this, and Kim, pretending to be all like responsible and perfect mom (then why are you ON this show?!) demands Jessica go find Josie. After some begging, Josie forgives Jessica. 

The next morning, before therapy, Heidi confronts Krista, while Courtney eavesdrops. According to Krista, Doug asked her out first but Krista was married at the time. So she passed along Courtney’s number??? 

In therapy each lady has a bag, and inside is an item they chose that represents their resentment. Courtney and Krista go first, while Natalie dashes to the kitchen to pop popcorn. Courtney pulls out champagne glasses and cries that her mom missed her 21st birthday and instead fed stories to the tabloids about Courtney ruining her career. Krista denies giving stories ON Courtney’s birthday, because it was actually like maybe 2 weeks before…

Krista reveals her item – it’s a FLYER for her TALENT MANAGEMENT COMPANY. Courtney is aghast! Like visibly shocked, but also, sadly, not surprised by her mom’s BS. Instead of addressing Courtney, Krista waves the flyer around and gives an advertising spiel about her great company and the great clients and how it sucks that Courtney isn’t part of it and there to support the party. 

Dr. Debbie is at a loss for how to handle these two, but decides to focus on how they’re each experiencing a different story.

Shar Jackson is up next and pulls out a Thanksgiving turkey. She’s upset that Cassie missed Thanksgiving to be with her boyfriend’s family, she also slipped in there (and it was largely ignored by Dr. Debbie), that Cassie was essentially missing for two weeks after. Cassie feels smothered by Shar, who doesn’t understand her daughter’s desire for independence. Dr. Debbie lectures Shar for being in denial about Cassie’s needs being important.  Gobble! gobble!

Natalie yanks a VIP pass out of her bag and cries that Karen missed all her super important Hollywood career events. I must have missed those too… Natalie thinks her mom is embarrassed by her career. Uh, yeah??? Karen promises to be there from now on. 

In Josie’s bag are cheerleading poms-poms. High school cheerleading was the best time of her life because it’s the only time she truly felt part of a family. Unfortunately all the other girls had support from their actual families, while Jessica and Jose almost never showed up. Sad! Jessica admits she put other things – reality TV! – before her daughter. Josie is frustrated with always feeling like an inconvenience. Jessica vows to make Josie more of a priority then goes and pours herself another drink. 

Kim and Kimberly both have empty bags! Oh, they’re so perfect! They’re so amazing! They’re actually only on this show to demonstrate healthy, amazing relationships to everyone else! If all mothers could just be like Kim Richards, turtles would grow wings and be able to cure cancer and Kingsley would never bite again! NOT!!!! Everyone is sick of their BS. “I may be the one with plastic surgery, but you’re the one that’s being fake!” quips Heidi. 

Kim cries that Kimberly is her best friend, and Kimberly cries that Kim has always been there. Been where? Jail? Rehab? Target? Reality TV? Finally Kimberly admits it’s a lot of stress worrying about Kim, and Kim confesses to overly-relying on Kimberly to take care of her. Kim cries over “issues at home” – everyone else rolls their eyes and wonders if Courtney and Krista can go again? 

Finally Heidi and Darlene share. Heidi pulls out her wedding veil and sobs that Darlene didn’t take her wedding seriously and they fought the entire day. “I almost wished my family wasn’t there,” sniffles Heidi. Darlene apologizes, and confesses that it was confusing for them whether Heidi’s wedding was real or part of a storyline for The Hills. She cries that it wasn’t the wedding she imagined her daughter having and they felt so uninvolved and distanced from the event.

Over dinner, everyone grills the crazy that is Krista and Courtney. Neither one of them has any issue admitting how Courtney and Doug got together. Krista finally explains, “Courtney needed someone to take care of her.” OF COURSE SHE DID – SHE WAS 16!!! AS IN NOT AN ADULT!! Krista complains Courtney still isn’t responsible and has clothes thrown all over their room which she has to pick up. “I’m kidding! I love taking care of you Courtney,” Krista fake-laughs. So. Much. Wrong…

“It’s time to just… disengage.” opines Shar in the confessional. Agreed. 

Dr. Debbie has an epiphany that these moms and daughters need WAY more help! She schedules an impromptu second session after dinner. This time she’ll force them to confront the role fame and the media has played in destroying their relationships. Dr. Debbie doesn’t see the irony in them doing this WHILE ON TV? 

The ladies are split into two groups: Jessica, Cassie, Karen, Darlene, Kimberly, and Krista go outside in the apparent freezing cold to be interviewed by a fake news reporter about tabloid stories concerning their families. Courtney, Josie, Natalie, Heidi, Kim, and Shar watch inside. “I’ve been dealing with this my whole life. Just you wait,” soothes celebrity-expert and assistant counselor Kim. 

Cassie is confronted over Kevin Federline leaving Shar when she was 10 and shares that having her dad stolen by her idol, Brit-Brit, was traumatic, but she never felt she could grieve that since her mom was the one hurt. Cassie was bullied over it but never told her mom. Inside, Shar cries. 

Karen admits to being embarrassed by Natalie’s Bad Girl actions, and says she didn’t raise her that way, but doesn’t know how to make people see the real Natalie. Natalie is pissy. Darlene is shown a tabloid with a headline of Heidi being obsessed with perfection. Darlene agrees Heidi got caught up in the wrong things.

Kimberly is shown a headline of Kim in rehab, and Kim takes a sharp inhalation of breath. Kimberly is still doing the whole Hilton-Richards “EVERYTHING’S FINE! NO AIRING DIRTY LAUNDRY EVEN THOUGH WE’RE ON REALITY TV!” She recites a spiel about being proud of Kim for making the right choice. Kim finally cops to having a drinking problem but brushes over it as being under control and blaming her relapse on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. She does not mention getting arrested twice, which she glosses over as “other stuff” she was also dealing with. 

Jessica is confronted with a headline of Josie getting a DUI. Natalie is excited that this is getting good. Jessica freezes, and says, “No comment.” Josie asked her mother not to discuss this on the show, but Josie, really wanting to fix things, runs outside and shouts to Jessica that she can talk about it because she’s no longer embarrassed. Jessica explains that Josie got arrested for driving while taking prescription Xanax. The charges were dropped, but Jessica was embarrassed by her daughter’s mistake. I love this (sarcasm) – Jessica who was never there and provided little oversight (plus set a bad example) is all like Josie should know better! Jessica would drive me to take Xanax, too (obviously not while operating a motor vehicle or heavy machinery). 

Krista is confronted with a story about a momager selling tabloid stories. She denies any such impudence and is offended by the very suggestion, because she just loves Courtney SO MUCH! Inside Courtney rolls her eyes and helplessly tells Dr. Debbie and the other women that her mom’s lying. The other women found a lot of clarity in the exercise and believe it helped them breakdown walls, but Courtney admits she’s “not there” and isn’t feeling any of those things. 

Courtney starts feeling sick. She’s vomiting in the bathroom while Krista races around asking if she’s OK and suggesting Courtney might be pregnant. “Do you need a pregnancy test?” she asks, loudly, over and over. Courtney thinks it’s stress and anxiety from finally confronting her mom, bringing all these issues to the surface. 

The next day Courtney is still vomiting so Dr. Debbie is called in. She immediately takes control by shooing Krista out, getting Courtney to leave the super-hot bathroom (where she was hiding from Krista), and assessing that Courtney is having a physical reaction to her emotions. Dr. Debbie seems to instantly relax Courtney. Meanwhile Krista is CALLING 9-1-1, telling them lies about Courtney’s condition, and demanding an ambulance immediately! “She’s very weak,” whines Krista. “She’s just so tiny. It’s an emergency! Just get here right away.” 

Krista barges back into their room, where Courtney is talking to Dr. Debbie, to announce that paramedics are coming and Courtney needs to lie down. NOW! Was Krista making an iMovie of this this to text to TMZ? Krista persists with the idea that Courtney is pregnant, “because some women get their periods when they’re pregnant”, Krista also suggests it may be Courtney’s IBS, or it could be…. dealing with KRISTA?! Krista actually has the nerve to tell Dr. Debbie she’s also starting to feel nausea too. Dr. Debbie is literally speechless. 

The ambulance arrives takes Courtney to the hospital with oxygen while Krista shouts out suggestions and demands to the paramedics. I’m sure she also found time to call TMZ! 

The other women watch as Courtney is driven away, and no one knows what to think. “Oh my god,” drones Heidi. 

TELL US – ARE COURTNEY AND KRISTA BEYOND HELP? ARE KIM AND KIMBERLY BEING FAKE?

[Photo Credits: Lifetime]