Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives Of Atlanta and everyone wants to know: Did Phaedra Parks call the feds on Kandi Burruss?
For Kandi and Todd it has been a shocking couple of years filled with extreme ups (getting married, finally getting pregnant) and extreme downs (Mama Joyce, Todd’s mother Sharon passing away unexpectedly, and Kandi losing her friendship to Phaedra). A year after Sharon’s death, with Kandi having only 5 weeks to go until baby Ace arrives, they visit Sharon’s grave. Her tombstone reads, “A great mother and the life of the party.”
After returning from her visit with Apollo, Phaedra is in the mood to do something fun and festive. She decides to celebrate the holidays by throwing an over-the-top Christmas party. I do love Dwight and his undercover shade.
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While she’s whipping up a sweet potato souffle, Porsha Williams drops by for a little tea stirred with a little juice (provided by a Reality Tea headline). On the first day of Christmas Dish Nation gave to Porsha a little bird bearing gossip about the Feds making an appearance at Kandi’s house to seize Apollo’s assets — after Phaedra possibly alerted them! Phaedra is non-committal, musing, “Mmmm… Mmmmm… Mmmmm…” and averting her eyes.
“Can you imagine what it’s like to have the Feds show up at your door,” expresses a shocked Porsha, obviously forgetting who is standing right in front of her. Needless to say, it seems Phaedra put little karma in Kandi’s stocking! Phaedra denies being involved. Then Porsha mentions that Cynthia Bailey also has some of Apollo’s things stored at her house. In response Phaedra merely raises her eyebrows and comments about what “bosom buddies” Apollo and Peter were in the months before Apollo left for prison.
Even if Phaedra did call – so what?! She could be liable if she knows where Apollo’s assets are hidden but doesn’t report it. I would call too – she has her children to think about and wants to put the mess with Apollo behind her. It’s shady of Kandi to be storing his stuff anyway, especially while professing to be such a good friend of Phaedra’s. “I wonder how Kandi would feel if I had some of Todd’s things?” muses Phaedra.
Far from getting punished for aiding and abetting a bad, bad boy, Peter is about to get a happy ending! After a difficult year of marriage, Cynthia wasn’t attracted to Peter. Since the trip to Jamaica her fibroids loins are on fire again! Peter is returning from somewhere, so to welcome him home Cynthia staged a sexy surprise by turning their house into a spa where she plays masseuse. Mal helps Cynthia stage the scene, before quickly running out the door while barfing at the thought of Cynthi-Peachter sexytimes!
When Peter sees the set-up, he immediately starts stripping to get ready for action. He gets right down to his boxer briefs and threatens to take those off before Cynthia quickly covers him with a sheet to avoid burning her eyes. She turns into the giggling Cynthi-bot pretending to be so excited about the upcoming Happy Ending Peter has coming!
As Cynthia is rubbing all over Peachter, Skinemaxx-style, going further and further down to Happy Ending zone, Noelle and Leon come down the stairs. Oops! Cynthia thought they were already gone for the weekend, but never checked! Nothing like perfect timing! Peachter ends up with a fallen branch into the rotten peaches.
That was cringe-worthy, awkward, and gross. I was hiding my eyes – as was Cynthia – and I didn’t even have a sheet at my disposal. This phony happy marriage charade needs to stop.
At Kenya Moore‘s house Matt arrives bearing gifts: Two Yorkie puppies. That was also insincere – Kenya seemed completely meh to get the puppies. She knew they were coming, but had nothing prepared and just let them wander around, sniffing, like maybe they’d been living there a while. Her only rule is no going in mommy’s closet? Kenya names them King and Twirl.
Kenya and Matt discuss Phaedra’s party. Since Kenya was raised Jehovah Witness (HUH?!) she never celebrated holidays and has no idea what to wear to a Christmas party. Fishnets with shoulder pads taped to her butt cheeks? Kenya regales Matt with the tale of Phaedra possibly calling the Feds on Kandi, laughing that it’s a “hood-adjacent” situation given that Apollo is in prison. She’s glad she’s not involved. For once. That probably does seem nice, doesn’t it – Note to Future Krayonce Self: not causing insane drama can be pleasant.
Porsha visits her OB/GYN, because being around other pregnant ladies has her worried that she’ll never be able to have children of her own. Step 1) Stop acting like a child? Actually it’s a little scary. Porsha had a miscarriage while she was married due to fibroids. She got surgery to remove them and had a follow-up ultrasound to see if they’ve returned. If they haven’t, she’s considering freezing her eggs until she meets (and keeps a man), then she can throw a real baby shower, not a baby-man smothering.
When giving her medical history to the nurse, Porsha slips and said she was “widowed” instead of “divorced”. Interesting Freudian slip (not sold by Naked Lingerie!) considering divorcing Kordell seemed to signal a sort of death of the lifestyle Porsha envisioned for herself and it was certainly the death of the Porsha as we knew her, replaced with Coco, Chanel, and Princess of THOTlandia! Thankfully the doctor tells Porsha everything looks good but she should worry about getting a man first. Yes – don’t count your eggs before they have place to hatch, girl!
For Phaedra’s party Dwight is transforming his salon into a winter wonderland. Which includes a real-life Elf On A Shelf played by Ayden. Was that safe? What if he fell off the shelf? Bob Whitfield also played Santa! Miss Juicy Baby from Little Women: Atlanta also appeared as one of Santa’s elves.
Ayden passes out coal to all the “bad girls,” while Phaedra cackles with glee. Then Kandi arrives. What do you get for Christmas if you ratted out your friends to the Feds? Coal? Shame? Vengeance? We certainly learned that for the friend who harbored your felon ex-husband’s hidden goods, you wrap up the Feds in an unmarked car to watch their house!
Until she knows exactly where she stands with Phaedra, Kandi’s decided to keep her distance – behind the icicles conveniently!
Meanwhile Bob wants back into Sheree Whitfield‘s heart. He promising her that mythical 7-figures for Christmas in exchange for her hanging his stocking under her mistletoe. NeNe Leakes saunters in. Clearly she’s giving everyone her exceptional presence for Christmas. White Elephant gift? Then comes two little happy feet, tapping all the way from THOTlandia, in the form of Porsha and Shamea Morton dressed as a skanky penguins. The Ayden on the Shelf didn’t even bother with coal.
Then Kenya bursts through the door dressed as The Grinch. She was definitely hoping for some sort of reaction from Phaedra – and reaction she got: Phaedra loved it!
All in all, Kenya certainly found the perfect Christmas character for her. She is, quite literally, the Grinch who stole Real Housewives Of Atlanta. Krayonce for Kristmas! NeNe laughs that if Kenya can hold onto Matt after painting herself green, then he’s worth every cent.
The theme of this party is clearly making amends before moving onto the new year. Therefore NeNe approaches Kandi to let her know there’s no hard feelings, and she has no idea why they’ve never gotten along. Kandi chalks it up to them both having strong personalities. That’s kind – I blame NeNe’s enormous ego, coupled with a heaping dose of jealousy-based competitiveness.
Anyone else find it interesting that NeNe is interested in making peace now that Kandi and Phaedra are on the outs?
Todd, conversing with the husbands, admits Phaedra never paid him the full amount for the workout video. She coughed-up half of the final payment, so Todd has decided to let go of depending on phony promises attached to Paychecks By Phaedra! I do wonder if Phaedra ever got a video?
Meanwhile Kim Fields, wearing a dress made of gold and sparkly rivulets of delusion, thanks Phaedra for all the support she’s given her during filming, so if Phaedra ever needs “a village” to help with her kids, Kim’s family will be there. Does Kim’s village include babysitting? Phaedra is impressed with Kim’s genuine kindness.
There in the corner is Tammy! Lord knows where she scuttled out from under… Sheree is surprised to see her, but Phaedra confesses to being rightly obsessed with the absurdity of the blonde on bronze enigma that is Tammy. She is swilling a Corona and swinging those braids!
Sheree decides to do a little due-diligence by asking both Bob and Tammy about their alleged affair – the one Bob said they had, which Tammy denied. Confronted by both women staring him down, Bob clears his throat, mops his brow, and channels his inner Bill Clinton. “What’s wrong, Boo? Slut got your tongue?” Sheree wonders. Bob denies having sexual relations with that woman, but admits he was trying to make Sheree jealous. “It’s hot in here,” Bob adds. “That’s because you’re in the kitchen,” deadpans Sheree.
Bob tries to blame his lie on his wonky eye and brain injury, but Sheree gives him enough side-eye to make his other eye go wonky too. Tammy observes that they should just get back together, then lurches away in search of the next cold Corona and a YouTube tutorial on Fishtail braids. Her job here is done.
But Kenya’s job has just begun! Kenya questions Cynthia and Sheree about the Feds visiting Kandi. Cynthia shares that they came to her house too! Cynthia doesn’t seem to care about who called them – Kenya cares, though.
Phaedra briefly joins the group and Kenya immediately questions her about the Fed situation. Phaedra is evasive as ever, then excuses herself to attend to…. something, um, else. The something clogging up Phaedra’s mouth is actually clogging. Actually, tap-dancing with Christopher!
Christopher lets his sassy out and shows off the processional dancer he is. It was great! The entire cast started dancing – Phaedra even pulled Todd on the floor. Thankfully Porsha refrained from twerking or dropping it like it was ice-cold.
While it seems like a happy ending and a merry occasion for all, Kandi still has her doubts about Phaedra’s friendship – she’s not alone.
TELL US – DO YOU THINK PHAEDRA CALLED THE FEDS ON KANDI?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
