Oh man. It’s finally here: the glass to the head that sent Christy McGinity Gibel to the hospital, courtesy of castmate and long time friend/nemesis, Terra Jole. But before we get to that sorry scene, we must navigate the aftermath of Briana Renee’s bachelorette trip to Cancun, which includes some shocking news. Suffice to say, a whole lotta mess was in store for us on last night’s Little Women: LA.
Matt and Briana are out for an unemployed stroll to discuss the fiasco that was Cancun. Briana gives him her Cliff Notes: Jasmine Sorge tried her best, but Terra lost her f’in mind anyway. The only people Briana is inviting to her wedding now are Elena Gant and Jasmine. Christy is in “guest list limbo,” and the rest of the girls can catch fire, as far as Briana is concerned. Matt encourages Briana to invite her parents to the wedding, but she’s not sure. She weirdly says, “It’s like they’re my parents, but they’re not my parents…you know?” No, I don’t know, Briana. That’s a loaded statement, to put it lightly.
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Tonya Banks and Terra are looking at photos of their Mexico trip, laughing at how much of a sh*t show it was, despite the story these pictures tell. Terra wants to keep trying with Briana (why!?), but Tonya is DONE. They both agree on one point: Christy is playing neutral to get back in Briana’s good graces, which makes her a hypocrite in their book. Because Christy hasn’t maintained her blind loyalty to #TeamHater, Terra has focused her wrath squarely on her.
Needing to solidify her alliances, Briana brings Jasmine flowers to thank her for the trip. She shares how Terra has been texting her, but she’s stonewalling that sh*t for now. Conversation turns to wedding plans and, in a huge turnabout from just 2 seasons ago, Briana asks Jasmine to be her matron of honor! Wait – what’s that sound we’re hearing in the distance? Oh! It’s Christy’s head exploding.
Speaking of Christy, she’s at home doing chores while Todd – and his new porn stache – is watching her work from his sedentary position. This doesn’t bother Christy at all. <sarcasm> Christy tells Todd about Elena’s big news, which he seems very touched by. Christy is more jealous than touched, though, which Todd says he “gets,” but let’s just take a moment to reflect on reality here. Christy has two kids ALREADY, while Elena is a first-time mom to be. My god, woman! Get a grip. Todd seems to be of the same opinion, but he tries to comfort Christy and her massive narcissistic delusions anyway.
Still working on her makeup line, Elena brings Terra along to her Morphe consultation to discuss next steps, and to tell them she’s pregnant. She takes a gander at the package designs, but she’s nervous about how she’ll navigate this makeup dream while she’s preggers. And, more importantly, while she’s getting “fat.” Oh, Elena…let those babies grow! Gain that weight, girl! Eat those Cheetos and sit your a$$ on that couch! Lose the vanity and roll with it. (A lot to ask from Elena, I realize…) In misguided attempt #342, Terra says she wants to get the girls together for a line dancing night in yet another effort to bring the group together. Ugh.
Another day, another grown person playdate with Bonnie and Clyde. While they paint chotchkies at their local Color Me Mine, Briana passes Matt a picture to paint: A POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (There are not enough exclamation points in the world to convey my actual shock at this moment…am I naive? Did NOT see this coming – at least right now.) Matt seems taken aback, but happy.
“Oh boy,” Matt remarks, to Briana’s response, “Or girl!” But Matt says he makes boys. That he can refuse to let Briana’s parents see? This news throws Briana’s earlier statement about her parents into an even darker realm. She’s been pregnant and still hasn’t spoken to them!?!? (TMZ reports that Briana is currently five months pregnant, by the way, so that gives us more of a timeline.)
Blissfully ignorant of Briana’s news, Terra shops for hats with Jasmine to discuss her line dancing plans. She confesses that her texts to Briana have gone unanswered, which…duh. After Mexico, Terra wants her attempts to be met with open arms? Her real beef is with Christy though, which she also confesses to Jasmine, asking her what Christy has been saying about her. Always at the ready with spreading the manure, Jasmine says Christy claims she “forced” Terra to go to Mexico. Terra’s like, what the WHAT!? Shots fired. Christy, go get you a helmet girl! Line dancing will be a contact sport.
Out with their kids – wow, it’s great to see Matt’s son on the scene, seriously! – Matt and Briana hit the mini golf course. Briana has been feeling nauseated, but is fighting through it for the sake of family time. She’s also sick of getting texts from Terra, who is relentlessly inviting her to this line dancing mess. In big news, Briana told her stepmom she’s pregnant. Her stepmom told her sister Tiana, who was allegedly rude and sarcastic about it. Briana fears that their kids will hear the news from another source, so they plan to tell them as soon as possible. Now? Now! They sit down for ice cream and spill the beans, which Leiana seems thrilled about. Awww. She’s a sweetie. Matt’s son, Aaric, is not up for changing diapers, but seems happy about the news as well.
Jasmine is accompanying Briana on her wedding dress fitting, but when she shows up at the boutique, Briana is nowhere to be found. She waits, and waits, and waits…finally calling to see where the frick she is. OMG! Briana is in the ER! She had a racing heart and was short of breath, but doesn’t say what specific issues may be going on. Jasmine tells her to get some rest.
What’s worse than couples’ pottery painting? Couples therapy with Christy and Todd, of course! Here we are in the therapist’s office again, with Christy complaining that one of her friends is pregnant and she is saaaaaaaad. Todd shaved off his porn stache, which may have been his superpower, because he’s found his voice. He calls out Christy for being unsupportive of her pregnant friend, and too harsh on him about his weight. The hapless therapist encourages them to “get on the same page” and take this “journey” together as newlyweds and…oh, I can’t even deal. Somebody needs a new storyline. And her name rhymes with Fisty.
Uh-oh. It’s time for some line dancing and full on frontal assault with glassware! Tonya and Terra show up in their cowboy hats first, so Terra dishes about Christy claiming she “forced” them to go to Mexico. Tonya’s done with this heifer! She’s not about to be thrown under the bus by this new two-stepping Christy.
Elena and Jasmine arrive next, Jasmine immediately relaying the news about Briana being in the ER. The ladies are shocked, but Tonya thinks it’s suspect given Briana’s history of lying. Ah, but who walks in next to clear things up? Briana! She looks fine, notes Terra, who’s fit to be tied. Briana says the ER couldn’t find anything wrong, but she was scared about her symptoms. She’s not ready to tell the girls about her pregnancy yet, which is probably a good call. Plus since Christy’s here, everyone might want to cool their jets on the pregnancy news or she might just strangle herself with a lasso.
After a bit of harmless dancing, they ladies sit down to engage in WWIII. It starts, as always, with Terra bringing up her “concerns.” She confronts Briana about not responding to her texts, which Tonya backs up. Briana shuts down, not wanting to engage in this garbage. Elena encourages Briana to put forth more effort, especially with her wedding coming up. But Briana doesn’t see the connection. She doesn’t think there’s enough time to mend friendships in time for wedding invitations. Also, if Terra hates her husband, what does she care about coming to her wedding?
Christy pipes up that she’d like to go to Briana’s wedding, but she’s not going to beg. Done arguing, Briana does a 180 on her earlier decision, and just straight up tells the women she’s pregnant. Christy, mouth agape, just stares at Briana in shock. Tonya thinks Briana would be divorced before she’d be pregnant, and Terra offers a halfhearted congratulations followed by a pointed question: “Will we be allowed to see the baby?” Since Matt controls Briana, Terra says she’s not convinced he’ll even allow the baby to meet people he doesn’t like (and who obviously don’t like him). Briana just deflects.
Terra, amped up on hate-adrenaline over this news, then turns her attack on Christy. Why did she say Terra and Tonya were forced to go to Mexico? Christy, feeling like a scapegoat, never said she forced anyone to do anything. She worked to convince them, yes. But forced? Nah. Terra wonders why Christy threw them under the bus to save her own a$$? Defending herself against Terra is not working, as Terra screams about the principle of the matter.
“Do you swear on your parents you didn’t say anything about me!?” screams Terra. “Once a liar, always a liar!” This sets Christy off, who fires back that Terra is the liar. She lied about Christy breaking her sobriety several seasons ago, which caused a huge rift in their relationship. And it’s something she’s still hanging on to now, obviously. What did she ever lie about? Terra wants to know. “About my drinking, you b*tch!” Christy yells.
And thus begins the following sequence: Terra tosses a drink in Christy’s face, Christy tosses a drink in Terra’s face, Christy throws her glass at Terra (two glasses in a row, it appears), and finally, Terra throws her glass at Christy – which hits her right in her cowboy hat. The rest is lawsuit history.
All of this is going down in the presence of not one, but TWO pregnant friends who are sitting mere inches away from the melee. Despicable. Embarrassing. Avoidable. Am I missing any adjectives here? Seems like the toilet, sadly, is where (some of) the ladies on this show prefer to reside.
TELL US: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BRIANA’S NEWS? WAS CHRISTY AND TERRA’S FIGHT JUST TOO MUCH?
Photo Credit: Lifetime
