Dun dun DA dun DA dun dun! Cue the Imperial March theme because, folks, Matt Ericson is about to stroll right into to his own exploding Death Star! While the inevitable destruction of the dark side may initially come from the merry band of incessant nags surrounding Briana Renee (aka, her “friends”), a new hope springs from within! Because this time, Briana is listening to them. And miracle of miracles – even Jasmine Sorge is on board with the Resistance!
After celebrating her Ride or Die wedding with Clyde, the honeymoon was over when Briana got wind of, what else? More d**k pics! Because, of course, Matt has sent them hither and yon, all across the galaxy. Ah, blessed internet. How we love thee! (Oh yeah – Christy McGinity and Terra Jole continue their bickering over who concussed who, and Elena Gant reveals the gender of her twins. But that’s really just window dressing for the real story at hand here – MORE D*CK PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Thus, we come to the bitter end of a contentious season of Little Women: LA. While babies abound – Terra, Briana, and Elena are all pregnant – Briana must decide whether to stand by her baby daddy, delete all of his social media accounts and pretend like nothing happened, or move on.
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At their honeymoon suite, the despicable and hideous Matt throws rose petals in the air and pats himself on the back for “doing something right.” Briana reflects on her perfect ratchet wedding, complete with ambush guest attendance by Christy. Terra and Tonya Banks were not invited, nor did they pop by unannounced. Because they do not “unconditionally support” this union, as Briana required of ALL her guests. Hence, why there were so many empty seats.
At Christy’s house, she is showing her totally conditional love for Todd, who she’s been hounding all season to lose weight so “HE DOESN’T DIE!!!!!” It hasn’t been dramatic or obnoxious at all. <eye roll> Todd unwraps his surprise passive-aggressive gift of cupcakes, only to find a plastic baby inside of one (which Christy literally deep throats before handing over the licked-off baby to him – blech!). Christy delivers the good news: the international adoption agency has matched them with a child! They have to move fast though because the match isn’t certain. The baby is from Bulgaria, and the agency has determined Christy and Todd as the “best” match, but they aren’t the only match out there. Todd seems sliiiiiiightly underwhelmed, no? Hmmm.
Meanwhile, Elena, Terra, and Tonya are out shopping for baby strollers. Terra and Tonya have a surprise of their own. They want to throw Elena a baby shower! Only one prob: Elena wants Christy to come. Elena fills the ladies in on where else Christy showed up recently – at the Ride or Die wedding! Elena also reveals what Christy was saying at said wedding about how she was “scared” and thought she “was going to DIE!!!!” (See a theme emerging here?) Terra is like, erm, no.
Christy is persona no grata anywhere, anytime as far as Terra is concerned. She got hit with a glass – in the cowboy hat perched atop her head, no less – only after she threw 2 at Terra. And now she’s engaged in a media smear campaign that’s threatening Terra and her family’s reputations. Is Terra in the wrong? Oh, yeah. Is Christy equally in the wrong? In my opinion, yes. But running to the press blaming only one person puts Christy on the wrong side of wrong (if that’s even a thing!?).
In an effort to crawl further up Briana’s hiney-hole, Christy meets her out for some fro-yo to gush about the beauty and “elegance” of her wedding. Bwaaahahaha! Oh, my. Let me collect myself after that gem. The ladies move on to the discussion of Elena’s baby shower, which Christy is nervous about attending since she filed a police report against Terra. Christy maintains that the hit to her head may have caused long term issues. That hat was made of straw, ya’ll! She wants a true apology from Terra if they’re ever to be in the same room again. Oh, delusional Christy. Not. Gonna. Happen.
Elena and Saint Preston are at the OB’s office to check up on the babies and determine their gender. Before the ultrasound, Elena hears some hard truths about delivery: she’ll likely need a C-section. Elena says that little people in Russia don’t need C-sections! Which, uh, is probably not the most well researched argument out there. #TheMoreYouKnow Terra is along for the appointment, and sees the gender reveal on screen along with the parents to be. But we’ll have to wait until the baby shower to hear for ourselves!
It’s baby shower day already, and Terra and Joe are setting up at the super cute venue, along with Tonya and Jasmine. Elena and Preston arrive, followed by Briana and Matt. Terra vows to be cool with Briana because she’s pregnant (and we know Terra is too, now), but Briana comes bearing bad news. She reveals that Christy wants a public apology from Terra if she wants to move forward. Briana also apparently got a call from a detective about the bar fight incident, which further incites Terra. She can’t even talk to Christy about the situation now that it’s become this public legal mess. So, Christy can just go ahead and hold her breath on that “public apology” she wants.
On cue yet again, Christy peeps her head around the corner. Though she didn’t RSVP, here she is anyway, schlepping the world-weary, browbeaten Todd behind her. The awkwardness hangs in the air like a stale fart while Terra contemplates leaving for a hot second. But she rallies to get this event started with Tonya instead. The group is gathered with silly string, blue for boy and pink for girl, which they unleash on Preston and Elena for the big reveal.
It’s a boy! Well, two boys!!!! As they’re covered in blue silly string, Elena and Preston celebrate their news. The gang all celebrates with them, and the mood is decidedly happy and positive. Maybe that’s why Terra is bizarrely confiding in Briana about “feeling for Matt” for the first time ever, now that she’s being accused of something publicly that’s damaging her rep.
In another group nearby, Jasmine confronts Christy (Tonya guard-dogging it by her side) about the elephant in the room: Christy’s lawsuit. Tonya wants to know why Christy filed a police report. Christy claims she was hurt badly, hat or no hat. But Tonya argues that if Terra had filed a report on Christy, she would have LOST her mind. #TrueDat Tonya also claims that Terra was prepared to apologize, knowing she had a part to play in the mess, until the legal mess started.
In a misguided attempt at olive branching it, Christy approaches Terra, who immediately rebuffs her advances. “Her little troll brain thinks she can file a police report against me, then come over and shoot the sh*t with me!?” snipes Terra. Matt (of ALL people!) comes to Terra’s defense, wallowing in his own despair over anyone looking up his arrest record – which includes domestic violence incidents. Though the charges may not stick, in both Matt and Terra’s cases, the record is forever public knowledge. (Like d*ck pics sent to strangers?) I am reeling right now at the gruesome spectre of Terra and Matt bonding over their mutual records. This is the most bizarro and insanely ironic pairing of sidekicks ever to grace LWLA! Bonnie and Clyde 2.0! Terratt!
Still desperately trying to gather allies, Christy takes Elena off to the side to explain herself. Terra is being charged with “aggravated assault” because she threw a glass, while Christy threw plastic. Oh lord! Alright. Elena, 5 months pregnant, just sighs the sigh of a woman listening to Christy’s self indulgent pity for the 40,000th time. Meanwhile, Terra shouts from the other side of the grotto, “I’m out!” and takes her leave.
Okay, now let’s move on to the dirtiest dirt of all the dirtbags to ever disgrace our television screens. 4 months along in her pregnancy, Briana (like Elena) is faced with the risks of an amnio test, which she also refuses. Also like Elena, Briana discovers she’s having a boy. Yay! Briana is thrilled. Unlike Elena, Briana must have this child with a sketchy penis-exhibitionist who comes to an ultrasound appointment wearing his best #ThingsAreWeird t-shirt (isn’t this the second time we’ve seen this? What, was #MattsBlueShirt in the wash?).
Bonnie and Clyde’s joy is short lived, however, as we see an ominous “THREE WEEKS LATER” frame lead us into the next scene. Terra, Jasmine, and Tonya are gathered together discussing Matt’s latest antics, which apparently include messages from women (yes, multiple – at least 4 so far) sending screenshots of Little Matt to them. These messages date back 3-4 months, with Terra claiming that most of the deeds were done during Briana’s bachelorette party in Mexico. You know, the one where Briana was defending Matt pretty much constantly against his army of “haters?” Also, the one where Jasmine was defending Matt and Briana’s holy union as worthy of unconditional support?
Jasmine has changed her tune now. “I want to rip his f–king face off!” she snaps, feeling like a fool for defending Scumbags-R-Us for so long. Terra and Tonya are not shocked, but Terra is heated. Apparently Matt called Joe recently to confess that he would never “kill her or hurt her,” (WHAT!?!?!?) claiming he just “sexts with other women.” HUH? Why is JOE being brought into this mess? As for Little Boss, she’s ready to hurt Matt. (And I’m kinda ready to see her do it!) Jasmine just wants to save the children, who she can’t believe are ultimately caught in this middle of this dastardly Ride or Die situation.
So, what are friends-turned-enemies supposed to do? Jasmine wants them all to circle the wagons. Tonya and Terra agree to get the whole group together with Briana – even Christy, especially since she’s been getting closer to Briana again – to have yet another intervention.
Later on, Terra discusses the Briana situation with Joe, who thinks it’s a waste of time. Alas, more dirt has been dug up on this prick! Matt has a Tinder account, which Terra thinks is proof that he’s likely cheating on Briana in real life – as opposed to simply (and grossly) texting his junk everywhere. Also, an online article broke news of Matt settling out of court and taking anger management classes over choking a woman.
Joe (rightly) still thinks Terra is on a fool’s errand trying to convince Briana of Matt’s disreputable behavior. Terra doesn’t care; it’s a scary situation, and she must act! She even wants to invite Briana and her children to stay at their house if need be. Joe may be an angry dude, but at least has healthy boundaries here. He tells Terra flat out: Briana will NOT be staying with them, thus bringing the “scary situation” (ahem, Matt) anywhere near their family – especially their little girl. “Let her get strangled! I don’t want to get strangled,” snarks Joe. Harsh words. But I have to admit – good call, Joe. #CodependentHandbook101
The day of reckoning is upon us! The ladies gather at Jasmine’s house to discuss the situation. Christy and Terra lay down their swords with each other for now. Briana arrives, already knowing about the sexting scandal, which she found out on Valentine’s Day when a girl forwarded photos to her. Briana confesses she’s still sleeping in the same bed as Matt and even had sex with him “one time” since finding out, but excuses it as “a hormone thing, not a love thing!” Seriously. If that’s the level this chick is operating on, I suggest the ladies pack up their tea and hit the road. Briana will NEVER leave this dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tonya tries a gentle approach, offering that if Briana stays with Matt, she may never trust him again. So, what kind of marriage does that create? Terra adds that Matt not only sexts with women; he also talks poorly about Briana to them. And he’s still talking with some of these women! This isn’t past behavior; it’s CURRENT. Briana says she’s “torn,” excusing Matt’s behavior yet again as “people just making mistakes.” GROAN. Her mind can’t grasp what is happening, and she can’t even call her family who she allowed herself to be expertly isolated from.
Elena goes in hard: if Matt is still doing the same dirt now that he did back in the day, it’s NOT a f-king mistake, Briana! It’s called HIS CHARACTER. Briana can’t or won’t leave him, though. Tonya wonders if it’s because she’s scared of him. She asks Briana if, when she married Matt, she believed he loved her? If so, they got married under false pretenses because Matt’s actions are anything but “loving.” Instead, they show that he’s a sociopath without a conscience who will do whatever to whomever, whenever he so chooses. Briana is the only one not asserting her choices here. It’s as if she thinks she doesn’t have any. And I just have to wonder, what is her family thinking now?
“I don’t know,” cries Briana. “I just don’t know.”
Well, those words seem to open up a sliver – and I mean SLIVER – of hope in the Bonnie and Clyde saga. At least Briana is admitting confusion rather than maintaining adamant, unwavering loyalty when it comes to the man she’s sadly hitched her wagon to. Like Jasmine, I just hope the kids are alright. I guess we’ll see how this plays out at next week’s reunion, though, where it looks like Briana is on the attack once again. Will you be tuning in?
TELL US: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE SEXTING SCANDAL, PART TWO? WILL BRIANA EVER LEAVE MATT? IS CHRISTY’S LAWSUIT AGAINST TERRA JUSTIFIED?
Photo Credit: Lifetime
