Tonya Banks has had it up to here with so called “bestie” Terra Jole. And last night on Little Women: LA, she decided to lay down the law! Meanwhile, Briana Renee continues to hate on Christy McGinity Gibel, wondering if Christy is trying to bring her down in a legal dispute – that, um, seems to have nothing whatsoever to do with Christy! So, things are as twisted as ever.
Tonya wants to throw a “welcome back” western-themed party for Kerwin, since he’s from Texas and totally deserves a party after acting like a giant whiny baby for the last month. The guest list will include the usual suspects, minus Terra, an insult sure to throw her into a royal tailspin. Little Boss is making moves, yo!
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Christy and Todd are out for a stroll in the park, where he confesses he’s ready to search for his birth parents. Now 48 years old, Todd is wondering who his biological parents are and what medical history he could uncover. Christy isn’t sure if it’s wise – or even possible – but she’s willing to support him.
Terra and Joe are joined by Jasmine Sorge and Chris on a…veggie pick? Huh? As they pluck peppers from the vine, Terra grills Jasmine on whether she would prefer and average sized or little baby. Let. It. Rest. Woman. Jasmine tears up thinking about bringing another little person into the world, given the social stigma and health concerns that come with it. She was bullied, so she fears her son or daughter will be too. She’d prefer average.
After veggie picking, Jasmine and Terra sit down to chat. Jasmine reveals she met with Tonya recently, who was extremely upset about Terra’s criticisms of her active wear line. Terra is not backing down. She asks if Jasmine would ever buy Tonya’s products? “It’s not my taste,” says Jasmine. To which Terra sneer, “It’s NOBODY’S taste!!!”
“It’s 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, maybe 1996!” snarks Terra about Tonya’s workout line. It’s not in style, and it will just be a pile of more failed product lining the walls of her garage. Plus, Terra’s pissed that Tonya confided in Christy, of all people, about her hurt feelings. Jasmine wants to dig the knife in deeper, so she slyly asks if Terra is coming to Kerwin’s party? Terra is visibly knocked off her high horse for a split second as she registers the fact that Tonya is icing her out. Isn’t Terra supposed to be the HBIC icing everyone else out!? She is being served.
Over at Nightmare on Bonnie and Clyde Street, Briana Renee and Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer] are putting together a baby crib. Briana comments that “any opportunity I can grab Matt for nursery prep, I’ll take it!” As if we don’t know this man has never, and will never have a J.O.B. Briana’s fluid is too high and she’s worried about preterm labor, which scares Matt. Because it’s all about Matt.
It’s also all about who Matt and Briana, the King and Queen of Codependent Delusion, shall call when Briana goes into labor. Briana snarks that she knows who not to call – cough, cough – Christy. Because Christy has betrayed Briana beyond the pale! She has tried desperately to save Briana from herself, to inform Briana’s family of her whereabouts during a serious health crisis, and she has put Briana’s children’s safety first. Yeah, terrible friend!
It’s also worth pointing out how self centered Briana is as she thinks about who she’ll “allow” to see her new baby. This is the same woman who didn’t even KNOW Elena Gant gave birth to premature twins just weeks ago. So, who’s the terrible friend now, Bonnie?
Back at Christy’s, she and Todd are Skyping his dad to discuss the birth parent search. Todd’s dad can’t seem to get his laptop camera working, focusing the camera repeatedly on his crotch. Which causes Todd to (hilariously) deadpan, “It’s like we’re talking to Matt.” #ToddForTheWin! #TheResurrectionOfFunnyTodd!
Todd tells his dad about his wish to find out more about his birth parents and medical history, which his dad thinks is a good idea. Christy seems to want to make this into a big deal, but Todd’s father couldn’t be more chill about the situation. Todd sweetly tells dad that he wants to thank his birth parents for giving him away to his adoptive parents. He loves them very much. Awww! Tender moment.
In a sneaky move across town, Terra is meeting with Tonya’s daughter, Angelique. She wants to get her friend back by any means necessary, except by offering an actual genuine apology, it seems. Angelique thinks her mom is upset about Terra’s comments, but Angelique also believes Terra’s heart is in the right place. Neither one of them want to see Tonya fail (again).
Angelique invites Terra to Kerwin’s party, after Terra basically begs her to, then confesses she thinks her mom is settling for her dad. Though Kerwin has always been in love with Tonya, the reverse hasn’t been true. Terra grabs this juicy gossip in her teeth, wheels already spinning about how she can use this information later.
None the wiser about this convo, Tonya is at the gym some time later getting her grind on with Angelique. They discuss Terra not coming to Kerwin’s party, which Angelique doesn’t think is right. She tells Tonya that she already invited Terra anyway! During their recent heart to heart! Little Boss is not happy. She can’t believe Angelique would turn on her like this, or that Terra would sink so low as to involve Tonya’s daughter in their messy business.
Now that she’s pretending to let things go with Briana, Terra decides to shop for baby gear with her. They discuss Penny’s failure to walk, which Briana says she relates to since she couldn’t walk until she was five. Whoa! She was on oxygen, had leg braces and a tracheotomy when she was little, which is just heartbreaking. Terra wonders if Penny will endure these “failure to thrive” symptoms as well. Briana assures her that Penny will be just fine; Briana’s case was extreme.
They discuss the Tonya situation, which has now turned into the Angelique–Kerwin–Tonya situation. Terra plans to show up at Kerwin’s party, invite from Tonya or not, because she’s…Terra. She also feels like she and Tonya are family. And how can you not invite FAMILY to your janky wild west party!?!?
It’s the day of Kerwin’s hoedown. There’s a mechanical bull and a dress code: cowgirl chic. Um, last time these divas dressed in cowgirl chic, they were tossing glasses at each other’s heads. Which begs the question: why tempt fate?
The gang arrives, including Christy, who tries to be cordial to nasty Briana despite being “dead” to her. Good for Christy! She’s a game player of the first degree (hello, brain contusions!), but when it comes to this Briana business, Christy has been done wrong. Dead wrong.
Terra arrives last, attempting to give Tonya an awkward hug. Ain’t no hugs gonna fix this! Tonya is not about forgiving and forgetting yet, but doesn’t seem to want drama either. She keeps it moving by thanking everyone for coming, then lets the group wander around some sort of petting zoo to get sh*t rubbed on them by pig snouts. #ThisIsMyVersionOfHell
Elena wonders how Terra scored an invite? Via the daughter, of course! Terra whines that she’s known Kerwin the longest, and she can’t believe Christy would be invited over HER! Tonya sharing things with Christy seems suspect to her too. Terra thinks she’s doing it just to get under her skin. Elena, exhausted and more concerned with her twins at home, can’t believe the twisted cyclone of drama that just continually rips its way through this immature friend group. She frankly looks like she’s ready to lay down in the hay and take a nap. Which she should.
Time for the mechanical bull! Everyone’s pregnant or postpartum here except for Christy and Tonya, so it’s not the, let’s say, wisest party attraction. We are treated to a scene of Matt getting bounced off the bull, although sadly not with enough force to knock any sense into him. Tonya rides like a pro while Christy cheers her on. I’m sure Terra loves this.
Okay, time to eat! Terra and Joe are at the kids table, relegated to eating and snarking by themselves about Tonya and Christy. “Do you get along with anybody?” Joe incredulously asks Terra. She slyly shakes her head no. Is Joe actually seeing the light? Nah. Terra’s his meal ticket. He’s a permanent passenger on her drama train, and a healthy participator in it too. Weird moment, though.
Christy and Todd are also at their very own Table Of Shame since everyone is now interested in kissing Bonnie and Clyde’s royal a$$es. She tears up at the rift in her friendship with Briana, which Todd comforts her about. But she barely has time to squeeze out a tear before Briana is ripped from her throne by an entirely different matter! A legal one, it seems.
Some dude in a suit is marching toward the party, manila envelope in hand. Briana and Matt are off to the side, as if knowing this strange delivery is meant for them. So, what’s in the envelope!? Well, suit guy says he’s the attorney for Julie, Briana’s fired (and Christy’s recently hired) publicist, who is delivering papers claiming Briana is in default of payment to her. Briana’s got 30 days to pay or Julie will bring a real suit – not a suit guy – against her! Matt sneers that Julie is lying about sh*t, while Briana sort of stands there mutely, accepting the papers.
“I told you to take care of her,” Matt tells Briana, sounding like some greasy mafioso. He thinks “Crusty told him where you’d be,” and that’s how Julie had her served at the party today. Hmm. The plot thickens. It also congeals into a thick soup of lies and cover ups, as Matt and Briana stand there like poseurs who have done NOTHING wrong, when we all know that these two are fully capable of the most sordid dirt imaginable.
But their wise plan is to deflect blame from themselves by turning their wrath on Christy, which they do immediately. They march over to tell Terra everything. Well, their version of everything. Terra agrees that it’s Christy! It’s Christy, Christy, Christy! Terra thinks she’s the shadiest b*tch alive, and her behavior actually makes Matt look good. Um. That is always and forever a NO. Too far, lady. Too far.
Dropping the legal drama for a moment, Terra wows the group with her pathetic #LassoSkillz. Then she does what she came here to do. She confronts Tonya. Terra says she wants to clear the air, but Tonya is still upset about how Terra questioned her business ventures in such a confrontational way. She understands that some of it was constructive criticism, but her delivery was just plain mean.
“I’m not trying to sh*t on your brand,” defends Terra. “Um, it sounded like it to me,” answers Tonya. Terra isn’t getting anywhere with this half-a$$ed apology, so she goes into attack mode: Why is Christy here? Why is Christy even involved in their sh*t!?
Making matters considerably worse, Elena pops by to join in the attack. She says that Tonya was just as mean about her makeup line back in the day, even though she also played it off as constructive criticism. She also backs up Terra by accusing Tonya of flip-flopping on her friends. How is Christy now Tonya’s confidante!? (And how has Christy, by the way, become literally the center of every single fight this episode without actually – in person – being involved in any of them? It’s like some crazy hoedown voodoo!)
Elena then delivers her own opinion about Tonya’s business: “Honestly, I don’t see a future for this clothing line either.” Tonya is hurt, especially because Elena seems to be parroting Terra’s opinion rather than forming her own. Elena hasn’t even seen Tonya’s line yet! Having had enough, Tonya shuts this sh*t down once and for all. She tells both of these heifers to just do them, and she’ll do her.
“Party’s over!” she yells at the group as they all walk their separate ways. Damn! These women need a group discount on Valium. And they need to stop with the cowboy hats. No, really. Make it stop.
TELL US: IS CHRISTY BEHIND BRIANA’S LEGAL ISSUES? WILL TERRA AND TONYA EVER RECONCILE?
Photo Credit: Lifetime
