Oh no! New deckhand Kyle Dixon has only been aboard Valor for mere days and already he’s popping his shoulder out of joint trying to do a good job! Thank goodness Lauren Burchnell was on the scene last night to wedge that baby right back in there. She’s kicking arse and taking names this season, for sure. But there’s not much Lauren can do when the charter guests get stuck out on a coral reef, fearing for their lives after a bit of drunk swimming.
Captain Lee Rosbach is not so thrilled with first time bosun Kelley Johnson’s performance, especially when it comes to window cleaning – or, more to the point, Kelley’s attitude about being called out about it. Meanwhile, chef Ben Robinson was catapulted into an alternate reality on Below Deck this week when chief stew Kate Chastain brought girlfriend Ro aboard for a visit, leaving Ben to wonder – what’s this chick got that I did not have?!? Poor Ben. Poor Ben’s ego. Sigh.
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After setting up the portable boatside swimming pool, Kyle dislocates his shoulder climbing up on the side. With his arm hanging straight down like a wet noodle, Kyle lays helpless…that is, until Lauren rescues him! She dives in, swims over, and expertly pops Kyle’s shoulder back into place while Beyonce sings Who Run The World? Girls! in the background (or should be). Lauren is, frankly, the bomb.
Kyle is no worse for the wear, claiming he pops that bad boy out of place on the regular! Mmmkay.
The Brady Bunch charter guests are ready for water sports. They tool around on tubes and rafts, having a ball. Until the daughters’ rafts flips over a coral reef, which freaks everyone out and causes lots of Blair Witch camera action during the crew’s successful attempt to save them.
The daughters are brought back aboard, unharmed, but Captain Lee is concerned that it was a close call. These girls almost got run over by a crew boat! That can’t happen again. Like, ever.
Also, this crew needs to start answering Lee’s radio calls. He’s getting pissed, specifically, about Sierra Storm being MIA whenever he summons her. He wants the stews to make the guests some Painkiller cocktails, hoping to “bring some levity to the situation.” And by situation, he means the fact that the crew almost killed their daughters. Sierra of the literal interpretative skills thinks that by “painkillers,” Lee means Ibuprofen. Lee has no words for this chick’s IQ issues. He has no choice but to laugh in her face.
Captain Lee is not laughing, however, about the fact that he can’t get a hold of Kelley while the boat is anchoring. He summons him from the sh*tter, and Valor anchors just fine. But Lee feels like Kelley’s unresponsiveness doesn’t show the sharpness he’s looking for. He expects Kelley to be on top of his job, and his crew.
But Kelley is more concerned with assessing Emily Warburton-Adams‘ body language, which he interprets as receptive to his clumsy advances. Uh. From where I stand, her body language reads: “I’d like to text in peace on my five minute break right now, thaaaaaaanks.” But whatevs!
Kyle is also totally, utterly, hopelessly smitten with Sierra, who doesn’t understand a word coming out of Kyle’s mouth. So she just smiles a lot and nods her head in agreement while he compliments her on things like her “essence.” Eww. Strangely, these two seem like a perfect match though – no?
Serving the guests – including their underage daughters – drink after drink is starting to wear Kate out. Not to mention, highly concern her about their well being. The girls are getting tanked (with their parents’ permission) at an alarming rate. Hard liquor and a yacht with many steps and precarious railings is not a good mix!
But Kate has other concerns at the moment, like texting Ro between drink slinging. Ben takes notice of Kate’s phone obsession and his jealousy starts to enter the low simmer phase. (Rolling boil coming up shortly.)
By dinnertime, the guests have passed flat out. Ben is annoyed that they won’t be eating at a time that suits him, but Kate understands that the guests call the shots on when and how they eat – not Ben. Plus, she’s got more time to plan her Alice In Wonderland white party for them! So, no worries for her.
When the guests awake, they decide to have dinner at 9pm, which gives Ben only 30 minutes to prepare a meal. He’s angry that Kate is giving him such short notice, but she argues that she’s on the guests’ clock, not her own. “I don’t have time to be texting my girlfriend all day!” he rants, mid-tirade, which belies the heart of the matter. Kate is no longer on his team (Nor frankly on Team Dude at all!) and Ben seems to sense this.
The guests are decked out in white waiting at the table as the stews don bunny ears to serve them. A cranky Ben busts out a fabulous meal under a time crunch, as usual, and the guests are happy. But when Kate texts Ro again in his presence, it only gives Ben more ammunition to snark at her for not working as hard as he is.
After dinner, a shirtless Kelley again corners Emily in the laundry room. She notes how often Kelley likes to prance around topless in front of her, which amuses more than annoys her.
The next morning, Captain Lee is not happy about the state of Valor, namely its dirty a$$ windows. He summons Kelley to the bridge to ask: What gives? Why is no one cleaning this damn boat?! Lauren has been up all morning, but hasn’t done any cleaning. Kelley defends that the dirt is inside the windows, which is Kate’s problem, not his.
So Lee drags him down to the lounge to show him it’s clearly an exterior issue. Kelley thinks the real issue is that Lee is “scared” of Kate, so he won’t mess with her. Lee thinks Kelley is being a whiny baby about doing his job.
As the hungover guests eat breakfast, Kyle tries to “get in there with no Wellingtons” with Sierra in the crew mess. Sierra pleasantly spaces out while Kyle deadpans that they’ll be getting married one day. She seems to think this passes for normal conversation. Again, these two are PER-FECT! (Why am I loving this so much???)
Meanwhile, poor Lauren has been saddled with the task of running up the anchor, solo, while Nico Scholly and Kelley look on with Captain Lee from the bridge. It’s a lesson to show just how little the deck crew knows, and Lauren is the fall guy of the moment as she sort of botches the process. Lee instructs Kelley that he and Nico will be the next two on display for “instructional” purposes.
Lee wants to drive the point home that Kelley’s deck crew isn’t up to snuff. Lauren is rightly indignant that she was used for these purposes, which were more humiliating than instructional. Why didn’t Kelley have her back? she wonders. He says he does, but Lee is on a tear. He encourages Lauren not to let this “lesson” get to her. He knows she’s doing a good job, and she should know that too. Aww! I heart Kelley-The-Bosun this season. Good on ya, former douchebag who stone cold dogged Jennice!
It’s time for the guests to depart, which they do, offering compliments and a nice fat tip on the way out. At the tip meeting, Captain Lee admits there were hiccups – including radio responsiveness – but it was overall a decent charter. The crew scored a $15K tip, which is huge for a ONE NIGHT CHARTER! Dayum.
And there’s more good news! Captain Lee, despite his crustiness, has arranged for the crew to enjoy themselves at a local resort that his friend owns. Yeehaw! The crew is thrilled.
Next morning, the crew prepare to make for land – but not before Ro shows up as a surprise to Kate! She told her earlier she wouldn’t be able to visit, but here she is. In the flesh. And Ben is F-R-E-A-K-E-D out. Kate is shocked and overwhelmed with the happy surprise, while Nico is just overwhelmed seeing two women kiss. He’s in for his own happy surprise, because Kate is uncharacteristically up for as much PDA as possible while Ro is here.
Ben meets Ro, who he says looks like she “just crawled out of a fallout shelter in Moscow.” He does not approve of her tall, dark, and handsome mystique. Maybe it’s because she’s making him look sort of short, pink, and grumpy right now?
At the resort, the crew let loose with water sports, drinks, and suntanning. While Kate and Ro let loose with a continuous make out session. In between smooches, Ro tries to get to know Ben, who does his best not to openly gawk at Kate and her pawing each other in his presence. “It’s great. Awesome.” Ben snarks of the situation.
Kyle is more open minded, thinking Kate and Ro‘s love is a beautiful thing! Meanwhile, Kelley is trying to rub his beautiful thing all over a bikini-clad Emily. Like, literally. Emily does her best to calm the hot-and-bothered Kelley down, gently petting him into submission much like one would pet one’s golden retriever puppy so as not to have it pee itself in front of guests.
As Sierra lazes beside Kyle, he takes a more straightforward approach. After schooling her in the parables of Jesus, he dives in head first. “You’re STOONING! Simply STOONING!” he gushes at her. Sierra just beams up at him, loving the attention.
“You’re cool,” Sierra flatly returns, which is not what Kyle was hoping for as a confession of her undying love. This kooky chick is his future wife, after all! Even if she would cut his d*ck off with a butter knife in the middle of the night, as Kelley predicts.
TELL US: IS BEN JEALOUS OF RO? ARE KYLE AND SIERRA HEADED FOR ROMANCE? IS KELLEY DOING A GOOD JOB AS BOSUN, OR IS HE TOO LAX WITH HIS DECK CREW?
Photo Credit: Bravo
