Part Two of The Biermann’s Family Vacation means that Don’t Be Tardy is still home on the range in Montana.
Kim Zolciak Biermann is still alive despite not being able to access Starbucks and it looks like Brielle has also survived (just barely) without any Chick fil A to eat. The rest of the kids seem completely unaffected by their environment because after all, life is just one giant romper room for them to wrestle in and it does not really matter if that romper room is at their house in Atlanta or at some lodge in Montana.
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Since they have not only run out of snow but things to do to keep everyone occupied, Kroy Biermann decides it would be a great idea to take the family to his old high school, where all of his football dreams started on a tiny field.
As Kroy navigates their SUV full of kids through the gravel roads of small town Montana, Kim sits in a stark contrast with pouty lips, boobs, and full face contour. She clearly knows that Montana life isn’t for her, but seems to enjoy the idea of humoring her hometown husband with pointing out just how far he has come. As Kroy describes there only being “a few” girls in town, I am starting to understand more and more why he seems more enamored with Kim and less annoyed by all of her antics. He literally doesn’t know any better.
The family tours the high school, running into teacher after teacher, who came in on their day off, just to see the one guy who made it out of their little town and onto the small (reality TV) screen. One of his teachers asks where they are staying and if Kroy has seen his parents yet. That’s an awkward no.
They finish up their visit with the kids running around the football field where Kroy once played. Kim marvels, once again, at how far Kroy has come.
We get it Kim, your husband is from a small town but I don’t think he has “made it” just because he shares a mansion with you in a land far, far away called Atlanta, where you guys can have all the Starbucks you want. Yes, he came from a small town but jeez, he didn’t fall off the back of a turnip truck yesterday. I’m not trying to take away from Kroy’s obvious career success, just trying to point out how Kim’s lap of luxury via reality TV lifestyle has clouded her brain waves on what normal life is like and how real people live. But I digress.
All this small town livin’ has really made Kim anxious, as in, get-out-and-live or take-your-top-off anxious. Mama clearly needs a drink, so they head for Bruce’s house. As they check out Bruce’s impressive tool room, Kim notices one of her wigs tacked up to the wall, where a stuffed deer head should be.
In case you didn’t get the memo, the dress code for a tiny Montana town is all knee-high leather boots (Kim) and false lashes (Brielle). But that won’t slow them down when it comes to visiting a Native American Trading Post. With no shoes or makeup to look at, Kim easily bores. Meanwhile, her sons enjoy touching everything they can get their hands on, including the display guns.
Next up, they all head to a ranch, where Kroy once had a summer job. They all take a hayride and Kim and Brielle are disgusted to see a horse peeing in front of them, so much so that they have to point it out to everyone else.
Kroy shows everyone how feeding cows is done, skillfully hanging off the back of a tractor while throwing bales of hay into the field. The family is unimpressed. And Brielle is busy Snapchatting about how tasty the cows look. The boys seem content enough to shovel cow dung and this trip to the ranch wouldn’t be complete without Kroy chasing Brielle with a prime dookie nugget. She runs for her life but is likely slowed down by the drag that her false lashes cause.
Another day is done. Kim and Kroy relax on the lodge porch, with a crackling fire and Kim’s red solo cup (complete with a wine stem attached to class it up). Kroy receives a call from his agent, who tells him that there is interest in Kroy from a bunch of teams, but he is in the prime of his career so they have to wait for the best opportunity. It is time to head back to reality and figure out where the Biermann’s will end up next.
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Photo Credit: Bravo
AUTHOR: KAREN
