Ramona Singer seems like the type of chick who probably flirted her way into a slew of prom-posals back in high school, only to publicly reject every single one of them in front of the entire cafeteria. Much hasn’t changed since then, as Ramona chastises Luann de Lesseps on this week’s Real Housewives Of New York for not inviting her to her wedding – even though she wouldn’t have gone anyway! Exhausted with Ramona’s hyper speed begging/insulting, Luann just sighs, knowing she made the right decision to ban nearly the entire whack pack from her nuptials to Tom D’Agostino.
Meanwhile, Bethenny Frankel navigates some murky drama involving ex-husband Jason Hoppy – and continues her feud with Ramona. Carole Radziwill buys an apartment for encourages Adam to move out, and Dorinda Medley commemorates her late husband, Richard. All is not copacetic in Sonja Morgan and Tinsley Mortimer’s gothic landscape of doom, as Sonja begins to take out her frustrations on the younger, slightly less tragic version of herself. But Tinsley, for one, ain’t having it!
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After a quick tour of the better behaved members of RHONY’s cast (the housewives’ animals), we open with Bethenny and Sonja meeting for lunch. Sonja gives Bethenny the deets on her latest goals, which include purging her house AND holding her tongue on all the smack talk about Dorinda to the press. In a lucid moment, Sonja tells Bethenny she thinks Ramona is clueless about how she crossed the line bringing Bethenny’s daughter into her line of porn questioning.
Sonja is also on the prowl for a good man (even though she has 2?), but is hesitant to broadcast news of her paramours lest they be snapped up by one of her so-called friends! And thus, Sonja is dubbed the “curator of c*ck” by Bethenny. Let it be written. Let it be hashtagged.
In the Berkshires, Dorinda is observing the 5-year memorial of her late husband, Richard’s, death. She and her loved ones gather at Richard’s grave to commemorate his life and honor his memory. Carole attends as well to support Dorinda; since London, their bond as widows continues and seems fairly authentic, no? Dorinda’s daughter, Hannah, wears Richard’s jacket in tribute, and Dorinda notes that Hannah’s bond with her stepfather was and is very special.
Hannah reads a letter she wrote in honor of her stepdad, which is sweet and sad. Dorinda tells Richard she’s a different person now, but he will be forever in her thoughts. She doesn’t see herself as a widow anymore though; she’s just “Mrs. Medley.” (She’s also a badass b*tch who has “files” on people, which makes her kind of the best addition this show has ever had.)
In her apartment, Bethenny is cleaning Brynn’s room and thinking about buying a new apartment – something bigger, of course. In homage to her forthcoming crossover with Million Dollar Listing’s Fredrick Eklund, Bethenny also claims she’s recently gotten the “real estate bug.”
Back in the Berkshires, Dorinda, her family, and Carole get to know one another over lunch at home. Dorinda notes that this 5-year mark is a turning point. Hannah’s ready to move out, and Dorinda’s ready to be free. Carole’s ready to hear about a thousand stories about Richard, admitting she’s basically obsessed with him. As Dorinda and Carole tour the grounds, Dorinda obliges her guest with more tales.
Ladies and gentlemen, step carefully, if you dare, into the crumbling castle of Lady Morgan, where puppies release their bowels freely on the throw rugs and Sonja blames all of her problems on whoever’s living in her tattered spare room! Sonja and Tinsley muck around in the kitchen over wine, with Sonja low-key b*tching about Tinsley’s houseguest manners. Just because Tinsley is too snooty to throw some brown ice in her cocktail (WTF SONJA!!?!?), Sonja decides her tenant needs an attitude adjustment. As Sonja dumps her curdled ice down the drain which is likely clogged beyond repair Tinsley escapes to the rooftop to send up a flare for help. 1-800-F-R-E-E-T-I-N-S!
It’s that time in the programming to focus on Luann’s wedding because – THAT’S THE ONLY STORYLINE GOING ON THIS YEAR. Sigh. Luann invites Dorinda and close friends and family to take a sneak peek at her wedding dress, which is elegant, simple, and looks gorgeous on Lu. She’s giddy as she places her “split veil” atop her head, thrilled that she gets to wear a white wedding dress. Who gives a flying fig if it took a little longer than planned to get there?
Speaking of not giving a flying fig, I have three words for you: Anisha’s Dog Jeep. Just in case we can’t relate to the ladies of means in NYC, we’re given a glimpse into what happens when one spends too long on the wrong side of a Birkin bag. Anisha, Tinsley’s old friend, takes a walk with her through the streets of Manhattan as she radio-controls her dog’s jeep through throngs of hapless pedestrians. To add to the absurdity, there’s an Elf on the Shelf chillin in back.
Anisha’s all, “The Upper East Side is dead!” as she encourages Tinsley to move (downtown?) near her, meanwhile ramming poor Fido into some poor schmuck’s shins. Then she hands the car remote to Tinsley, who will now be the one to get full on punched in the neck for doing this stupid sh*t on the street.
Thoughts on Tinsley’s predicament: Jumping from the frying Sonja into the Anisha pan is a NO GO, girl. Pump the brakes on that dog jeep before every rung on the social ladder not only breaks, but potentially disintegrates under your freshly manicured toes! If Bravo has been taking a page out of Jane Austen’s “Love & Friendship,” then I applaud them. But since this is technically unscripted TV, I sit in awe at how the stars have aligned to bring us this wandering-socialite-with-a-heart-of-gold thesis straight out of nowhere. I may be alone weirdly in loving this Tinsley comi-tragedy, but I just DO!
At Carole’s apartment, Bethenny listens as she bemoans her relationship with Adam. She wants him to move out, and has even maybe/sorta found him a crash pad just five convenient blocks away! She’s like, “It’s not OUR apartment together. It’s MY apartment.” So, shacking up is not panning out to be as hip and groovy as she expected, eh? Plus, she and Adam have been together for two years and don’t have plans of getting married, so Carole’s thinking, “Now what?”
Bethenny confesses that her Thanksgiving was stressful. She’s dealing with some “nastiness” with her ex, which she says has escalated lately. Carole says she’s witnessed “behavior that’s beyond bizarre” from Jason, but is gag ordered doesn’t expand on the details. Telling Carole she’s exhausted, Bethenny wills herself to get to the root of the issue and “exterminate” the problem. Yikes!
Time to enter the RamonaZone. At her apartment, Ramona calls Dorinda to thank her for her surprise party, then to b*tch about Bethenny not attending it. They still haven’t spoken, but will see each other over drinks soon where all of the ladies will be in attendance to throw DOWN. For her part, Bethenny just wants Ramona to leave her alone. She doesn’t want apologies, she doesn’t want “that whole distorted wack job face” coming at her with explanations. She just wants a Ramona-free existence.
Ah, but Bethenny: You are on a show with her. (Remember that contract?) That distorted wack job face is gonna be standing next to you at step and repeats for the rest of your life if you’ve chosen to play this Housewives game. Which, by the way, you have.
At drinks, Dorinda hopes that by bringing the entire group together again, they can mend fences. Bwahahahaha! Okay, we’ll play along. After the group assembles and mild pleasantries are exchanged, Ramona decides to break the ice by interrogating Luann about why she’s not invited to her wedding?! She’s already bizarrely bought her plane ticket! Luann’s like, “I thought you were going to France?” Ramona’s all, “But you could still send an invitation!” So, she wouldn’t go if she were invited, but would like an invitation to stab voodoo doll pins into anyway. This is exactly why Ramona is not invited, notes Luann.
Why Ramona is not invited may also have something to do with her incessant questioning of Tom’s intentions. She actually snarks that “People are still taking bets on whether the wedding’s going to be on or not!” – which is precisely the exploding diarrhea of the mouth Luann does NOT want near her big day. Mouth agape, Luann can only bitterly chuckle at the Problem Of Ramona, which nobody will ever, ever, ever solve.
Clueless even after the entire group calls her out on her insanity, Ramona just chirps that she’s telling everyone that the wedding IS on despite the haters out there! SHE certainly isn’t a naysayer. No, no, no. She’s just “kidding.” Luann’s like, be gone with you, uninvited vermin! I shall get married in the sweet smell of Ramona-free air! “She’s like a bookie on Luann’s wedding,” notes Bethenny, who is now awaiting her turn on to be on the business end of the Rambling Ruminations of Ramona.
But before that mess can go down, Sonja and Tinsley arrive – Sonja snarking that she’s just “tagging along” to cavort with Tinsley’s new friends. Oh, Sonja. Jealousy is not a good look on you this season – or ever. Nor is farting the joint up (again, WTF, Sonja?!?!). As Tinsley lies tells Carole that she’s having a great time living with Sonja (despite their constant bickering), Carole offers up one of the two apartments in her building available at the moment. Tinsley is excited about the possibility, and now that she’s friends with the president of the board herself, she may just take Carole up on the offer! Cue Sonja’s head exploding in T-minus however long it takes for her to hear this news.
After photos of Baby, Baby, and Baby are shared, Carole gets into a convo with Tinsley and Bethenny. Tinsley takes a walk down memory lane, which involves getting marriage inspiration from 90210 (the OG installment) and questionable tattoos. Bethenny seems to warm up to Tinsley, likely to Tinsley’s great relief.
But back at the bar, Luann and Ramona fear that Bethenny may not bounce back from their last dinner together, at which they dually called her a witch and wicked. Um, Magic 8 Ball reads: Outlook Poor. But Ramona wants to poke that bear, so she sidles over to have a one on one with Bethenny. She awkwardly begins (is there any other way with this chick?) by giving Bethenny a brain-on-Pinot hypothetical: “Like when someone has a bad time in their life, like, do you like to be there for them?” Bethenny’s face reads: I AM PLANNING YOUR MURDER IN MY HEAD. But instead she just deadpans, “I don’t like the way you’re speaking to me right now.”
Ramona thinks Bethenny is being weird, considering how she only acted out of “concern” when she asked her about whether her six-year old had heard about her boobs on film. She also thinks she’s speaking very normally. But if she thinks that, Bethenny bites back, “You might not really be very self aware.” Disappointed in not getting her way Bethenny’s cold response, Ramona reminds Bethenny that she’s always been there for her, which Bethenny says she has also done for Ramona.
But this little circle jerk isn’t going anywhere, so Bethenny just peaces out, leaving Ramona behind to complain about her. Carole notes that “the famous Singer Stinger” might have a little something to do with their issue too. But Ramona, ever delusional about her severe, almost clinically diagnosable lack of social skills, just celebrates her enormous heart and her “best” friends! Like Tinsley, for example. Who she met three weeks ago.
TELL US: SHOULD BETHENNY FORGIVE RAMONA? IS LUANN RIGHT FOR NOT INVITING ANYONE BUT DORINDA TO HER WEDDING? IS SONJA BEING UNFAIR TO TINSLEY – AND WHERE SHOULD TINSLEY GO?
Photo Credit: Bravo
