Happy Labor Day! In honor of the long weekend, 90 Day Fiance has brought us another gruesome installment of the reunion from hell for us to feast upon. Hooray! Shaun Robinson is back with the gang to talk over people call them out about their intentions, and to stop Loren from taking over as host. Because that chick came to these couches with an agenda, as last week certainly revealed. Loren isn’t quite done berating Anfisa about her gold-digging ways, however, even taking the fight backstage to browbeat Jorge. Good thing Jorge is used to being browbeaten – not to mention, actually beaten (why hasn’t anyone called Anfisa out on that sh*t yet, by the way?!)
But first, Russ needs to go find his wife, who dramatically marched off stage last week after he blabbed that she’s not getting much work as a model these days. Instead of addressing the obvious (both of their total fakery), Russ and Paola play-act backstage, rehashing the lingerie argument for the thousandth time. After they exhaust themselves with reciting their very limited lines, they are whisked backstage with the rest of the group to take five. Because (cue the Friday The 13th music) it’s time for Danielle and Mohamed to face off ALONE. Even Walmart Tom can’t save them now.
Much like the poor judge who had to hear Dani-Mo’s case in court, Shaun sits by while the couple argues over who’s more to blame – Tweedle dum or Tweedle conman. Danielle still wants her money back – the money she spent to bring Mohamed over from Tunisia on the K1 Visa, presumably. She also claims to have a new boyfriend, who shall remain nameless, faceless and baseless. “He don’t want to be in the public…” trails off Danielle, who tries to explain why no one has ever seen evidence of this human being.
Boyfriend or not, Danielle thinks she still reserves the right to torture Mo over his Instagram pics. Even though she can date (totally real people! REALLY!), she doesn’t like it when Mohamed does the same. Or rather, she doesn’t like him posting photos of these hussies all over SHOSHAL media. Mohamed’s like, whatevs! I’m divorced from your a$$! I’ve deleted all my accounts! And I’m moving to a cave to become Batman! Alas, Danielle will stalk him to the ends of the earth – to “warn other women,” she says, of the fate that awaits them.
Also, Danielle has a Trapper Keeper of random text messages and social media printouts that she plans to send to immigration. Mohamed’s like, Go ahead. Try it. He’s not scared of Danielle and her mangled files. He also claims Danielle never even loved him, because “that’s not real love” to bring someone over to the U.S. on false pretenses, lie about finances, then try to entrap them into marriage. Just ask Jorge! Danielle takes these words as her cue to turn on the waterworks, which she does with aplomb. Mohamed sees this as another fake attempt for sympathy. Yup.
Backstage, Danielle cries off all of her makeup while Mohamed remains on the couches to defend his case. He says he wanted to help her solve her messy life, but…no one is has a trashcan that big. When Danielle comes back, she whines that she doesn’t like fighting with Mohamed! HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh lord, that was a good one. She doesn’t have to worry about Mohamed anymore though, because he’s got Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility and plans to disappear forever after this reunion. The look of fear in Danielle’s eyes is real. And it is frightening.
Backstage, Loren freaks out that THIS is why people question the K1 Visa process! She doesn’t want to be associated with the likes of Danielle and Mohamed, not to mention Jorge and Anfisa, because everyone thinks ALL of their marriages are shams now!!! But she does like those TLC paychecks, hmm? And ratings? No? Anfisa doesn’t have time for this trifling nonsense, so she just walks off, leaving Loren to wring her hands and berate Jorge alone.
Loren doesn’t think Jorge and Anfisa were ever in love, as if she knows anything about their (admittedly f–ked up) relationship. Paola gets nastier, asking why Jorge even fell for Anfisa in the first place because “she’s not even that pretty.” Also, Paola of the crispy hair extensions and dirty lingerie YouTube video gigs, thinks Jorge could have found someone “better than her.”
While the dudes sit by like the lame ducks they are, allowing their wives to attack Jorge (who kind of deserves it, but still…), Jorge just stares at them in silence. He has no answers. But he has a lot of accusations, and he plans to sling them at Anfisa as soon as he gets back on stage.
Before that can happen, Loren picks a fight with Mohamed again. After all of the couples are reassembled, Loren calls Mohamed out on making a mockery of the K1 process. He claims, no! His marriage did not work out, but he went into the process with genuine intentions. “I don’t like being associated with YOU!” shouts Loren, who thinks all of these fakers make her look bad. But she’s doing a good job of making herself look bad all on her own. Move. On. Loren.
Shaun finally directs her attention to Jorge and Anfisa, who will be Loren’s next victims of verbal assault unless this feckless host reins her in. After tape rolls of Jorge’s sister, Lourdes, yelling at Anfisa about her intentions, Jorge claims his family never talked negatively about Anfisa. But, um…we just saw literal footage of it. So…? Anfisa was paranoid about what Jorge’s family was saying about her for a reason! Jorge didn’t do a stellar job of introducing Anfisa to his family; he also never told them the entire truth about him lying to Anfisa about his finances. “I didn’t feel welcome,” says Anfisa. But Jorge thinks that’s because she was cold toward them. Loren, who can’t let a segment go by without inserting her opinion, wholeheartedly agrees.
But it’s Jorge who goes even lower when he essentially admits that Lourdes’ comment to Anfisa about “spreading her legs” for money was warranted. “I felt like she deserved it,” shrugs Jorge. Yet, she was supposed to feel all warm and fuzzy about your family, dude? What a crock.
Speaking of people who hate each other’s families, let’s slide on over to Pedro and Chantel! How are things now, homies? Pedro says not good. To review: River hates Pedro, Pedro hates River, Pedro’s mama and sister hate everyone, and Chantel’s parents hate chicken feet. Chantel still questions the chicken situation, but their family feud goes much deeper than that. Chantel does think things have improved since the show was taped, though, even claiming that Pedro’s mom likes her. As for her family, well…not so much!
Also, the rumors are true: Pedro’s mother is a LAWYER, people!!! OMG. But she’s still relying on her son for income? And TVs? Perhaps that has to do with the lower money values and income inequities of the D.R. versus U.S., but still. This is a career woman, not an uneducated peasant. Her using Pedro (and Chantel) for her own purposes has to be called out, despite the constant claims that “it’s just part of our culture!!!” Pedro doesn’t see it this way, though.
Before the night ends, we must travel back to the tragic tale of Jorge and Anfisa. Was Jorge really Anfisa’s first sexual partner, as she claimed on camera? Loren flatly says, “I don’t believe it.” Anfisa doesn’t give a rip if anyone believes it. Jorge sure did. He says he “tried to vet her” before marriage by investigating as much as he could about her background. These are the words of a man who wasn’t able to turn the ping alerts off on his iPhone. Or keep his phone and email from being hacked from Russia.
Jorge also didn’t vet Anfisa’s plastic surgery situation, which required lots of Botched-style fixes once she came to the U.S. Upgrades which cost Jorge $12k or so. Shaun just wants to know why Anfisa thought Jorge was a millionaire? Did he tell her this at some point? Jorge says no, but he did “flash money at her” regularly. So, she got the message. The message, however, failed to include the fact that he was actually tens of thousands of dollars in debt. And had no home.
Paola then asks the most ridiculous question she can muster. She wonders if Anfisa went to an academy for gold diggers in Russia – because she read on the Google machine that they exist! Even Alexei, who’s been silent thus far, calls Paola out on her idiotic rehearsed lines. He’s like, “They probably have those academies in Colombia too.” Paola laughs a little too hard at this joke, knowing it’s gonna be her a$$ called out next if she’s not careful.
Then Shaun finally asks Jorge the question we all want answers to: Why did he want to marry Anfisa, knowing full well she was in it just for the money (which she made crystal clear from the beginning)? Jorge whines that he was “hurt” from his last relationship and feeling vulnerable. He also snarks, “If I wanted a hooker, I could have just gotten one.” To which Anfisa retorts, “Then WHY didn’t you?” Because Jorge wanted to pretend this woman, who he was paying for, actually loved him. Then when he found out she didn’t, he wanted to cry foul. But life and love – especially love that starts with a gigantic lie – doesn’t work that way. This truth seems to be dawning on Jorge’s very slow brain just now.
Because he feels like a fool (which he definitely is), Jorge wants to publicly humiliate Anfisa. So he threatens to “out the truth” about her in front of everyone in the name of revenge. We’ll have to wait until next week to see what this truth-bomb is, though. But something tells me that no matter what Jorge has up his wrinkled blue sleeve, he’ll still come out looking like the rather large a$$hole in this craptastic situation.
TELL US: IS LOREN INSERTING HERSELF IN EVERYONE ELSE’S DRAMA TOO MUCH, OR DOES SHE HAVE VALID POINTS? WILL DANIELLE EVER LEAVE MOHAMED ALONE? DID JORGE REALLY BELIEVE ANFISA LOVED HIM, OR DID HE ENTRAP HER WITH LIES?
Photo Credit: TLC
