Happy New Year! The very last Real Housewives Of Atlanta of 2018 was an episode full of goodbyes, family, and rebirths but next week, once we’re firmly ensconced in 2019 the fighting resumes!
Cynthia Bailey is sending Noelle off to Howard University where she’ll be studying dentistry. Days before Noelle is supposed to leave the serenity of Lake Bailey, right in the middle of her going away party, she starts having a panic attack. All totally normal except for the cameras filming as Noelle as slumped on the ground in fetal position sobbing into Cynthia’s lap.
Cynthia wonders if she should make Noelle go to school anyway, or let her remain home. Selfishly she doesn’t really want Noelle to leave, because for so long Noelle has been Cynthia’s BFF, aka the real parent in this relationship while Cynthia has done things like marry (and thankfully divorce) Peter Thomas and spend all her money on his failed businesses. I mean, who is going to teach Cynthia right from wrong once Noelle leaves?! Cynthia calls NeNe Leakes for advice and NeNe is adamant that Noelle is just nervous but needs to go — lest she end up like one of NeNe’s sons, who are still floundering about and can’t seem to get their acts together. Look at Brentt, who isn’t working or going to school, and is sometimes NeNe’s lackey at Swagg when she demands it.
The problem is that both NeNe and Cynthia let their kids be homeschooled for high school so it wouldn’t interfere with their own careers, so now Noelle is scared about doing anything without her mom. I don’t know what is going on with Brentt..
Now that Gregg Leakes has decided to let God heal him instead of chemo he invites all of his sons over, including NeNe’s son Bryson Bryant, to share the news. Although Gregg is now cancer-free, he still has some corrupted cells which could become cancerous, but he is resolute in his decision to pursue faith-based and natural healing. NeNe fully supports him because she is his wife and will not do him wrong as a wife. Their father’s health situation is a wakeup call to Gregg’s older sons that they better get those colonoscopies!
With her first time wedding dress shopping being a disaster Eva Marcille decides to try again. She goes to a different boutique and this time brings NeNe instead of her mom. This is to make up for leaving NeNe off the bachelorette party list, of course. But NeNe is not going to let Eva go unpunished so she secretly brings Marlo Hampton to be the ‘negative’ voice in Eva’s mother’s absence.
Marlo goes beyond critiques – she is harsh and horrible. She literally fat shames Eva as she’s trying on gowns – even though Eva reminds her that she only had a baby 3 months ago. Instead of Eva and Marlo erupting into a big scene at a bridal boutique, ala Mama Joyce, NeNe just yells at Marlo that her butt is too big to be saying anything about anyone else’s and accuses her of sneaking to the gas station at 2 am to buy chips. BLOOP.
Marlo is a garbage human. I’m over her. She’s no longer funny. What exactly has Eva even done to her? Eva is annoying, but who goes to a bridal boutique and tells the bride her ass looks fat in everything? If I were Eva I would’ve had security escort Marlo right out!
While Eva is recovering from pregnancy, Porsha Williams is experiencing all the joys of expecting. Like waking up every morning with gas. Porsha blames her fetus for having gas that he or she is blowing into her stomach, which then doubles in her own body, and gives her super farts. This morning she also blames Dennis McKinley for lying in bed with her instead of getting up to make breakfast so she could have her “fart time” leaving her with crippling cramps from holding them in. Dennis tries to massage Porsha’s abdomen to give her release. Her sister Lauren suggests he stick his finger up Porsha’s butt instead. After this romantic talk they all go downstairs for breakfast. Cause yum!
Later Dennis and Porsha visit the OBGYN. Due to her fibroids, Porsha learns she’ll have to have a scheduled C-Section instead of her dream of a home water birth. GOOD GOD – can you even imagine a Real Housewife home birth?! I’m just going to pretend Dwight Eubanks and Phaedra Parks are planning this. They would have Porsha in a bedazzled birthing gown complete with flower crown and detachable mermaid tail, a marble birthing pool with fountains of swans (or hot dogs) with inflatable pillows shaped like crowns, there would be servers stationed with hot cloths, towels, and cups of chipped ice.
And possibly an epidural! Also, I imagine people dressed as fish fanning Porsha with palm fonds. And trumpeters on hand to announce the birth, where the newborn will be dressed in a tiny tiara and matching mermaid tail, then be placed in a giant glamshell for photos. Dennis, of course, would be holding a trident and wearing his own merman tail as he coached Porsha in the birthing pool.
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Until that happens we’ll have to satisfy ourselves with watching Porsha’s baby swim in her uterus via ultrasound footage while the doctor makes jokes about condoms. LOL
It turns out Shamari DeVoe‘s mom is actually a Labor and Delivery nurse practitioner too! Shamari’s parents divorced when she was young and her mom was left with three kids. She had to work three jobs while earning her degree to support them, and for a long time Shamari resented for her mother not being more present. Now she understands that her mom was trying to build a life for them in the best way she knew how, and their relationship is rock solid. Also, Marlo better hopes she never crosses paths with Shamari’s mom, because “Mrs. Bitch” is not impressed by being the subject of her Your Mama insults!
Speaking of mamas, Mama Joyce returns! Aren’t you all so glad?! Mama Joyce and Todd Tucker haven’t spoken since she compared him to a lemon Kandi Burruss turned into lemonade. Todd is hurt that after all this time, and all the progress he believed they made, Mama Joyce still considers him a loser – and worse she told this to Porsha, of all people! Kandi agrees that Mama Joyce owes Todd an apology, but instead of doing that Mama has just been traveling nonstop to avoid him.
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This is after Todd conceptualized the OLG Gang Restaurant and has been making Mama Joyce all this money! I’m glad to see Kandi finally confront her mother, and stand up for her husband for once. It is loooong overdue! Mama Joyce’s face is stuck on sour lemon though and she starts saying that Kandi is also a lemon and two sours make a sweet or some crazy nonsense. “You are not Beyonce, stop talking about Lemonade,” Kandi laughs.
To force this apology, or at least a conversation, Kandi brings Mama Joyce and Todd together at the newest OLG site. When confronted by Todd about how his feelings were hurt by her comments, Mama Joyce finally relents and admits that Todd has become a father to Riley, is a good man to his daughter, a hard worker, and she hopes their marriage lasts forever. Probably only so Kandi doesn’t have to pay him alimony! As a reward for her groveling, Todd surprises Mama Joyce by revealing that they’re getting a surrogate for their two remaining embryos so she’ll be a grandmother once again. Well, that’s all very nice. I never thought I’d see a day when Mama Joyce behaved appropriately.
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Finally, Cynthia and Noelle arrive in DC and meet Leon where Noelle will start her new life as a Howard U student. The first bit of good luck is that Noelle lucks into getting a single dorm room after her roommate backed out last minute, and once on campus she seems a lot more relaxed and excited.
Cynthia never went to college, but Leon did. He encourages Noelle to enjoy this time and appreciate it for what it is; to savor it and not be afraid of these experiences. Cynthia is onboard until it’s time for Noelle to say goodbye, then she tries to get into the Uber and move into the second twin bed in Noelle’s dorm. Luckily Leon is there to be the voice of reason.
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TELL US – WAS MAMA JOYCE SINCERE IN HER APOLOGY TO TODD?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
