You guys… I am so sorry for the delay in this Real Housewives Of Atlanta recap! I was not prepared, mentally and otherwise, for the Coronavirus quarantine/homeschooling curve. The true pandemic is going to be if all these parents can survive being trapped in the house with their kids trying to educate them using a PBS app and their own foggy remembrances of school. I think I’m going to have mine start by alphabetizing the pantry, then baking me cookies.
The next test will be if I can handle dealing with my husband for the next two weeks… But is any of that really worse than going on an international vacation with Nene Leakes and Kenya Moore? Those two are THE WORST. They are the Coronavirus of their friend group.
In Greece after their first dinner ended in disaster due to an outbreak between Kenya and NeNe, everyone is trying to recover in style with a day of fun. They’re in a beautiful villa, right on the beach. Most of the women are taking a break from the glam squads to enjoy the atmosphere. Except for Marlo Hampton who brought a human-sized suitcase to stash all her makeup and glam people in though because she’s sitting inside getting her eyes did. Superficiality is Marlo’s main personality trait. When it comes to what she wants in a partner her only requirement is that he’s successful and well-off.
While Cynthia Bailey and Tanya Sam do a photoshoot in the water, Kenya opens up to Kandi Burruss about how she plans to deal with NeNe going forward. NeNe comes secondary to dealing with her divorce, and Kenya plans to be pleasant but distant.
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The ladies hit Athens for lunch in a flying restaurant, suspended by a crane 1,000 feet above the ground. At first, I was like this seems ridiculous. Like part-amusement park schtick, part death sentence – especially because the restaurant was literally in the middle of a parking lot and hanging above what appeared to be a construction site portapotty enclosure.
But, once the ladies got up in the air, I realized it was the only way to see the sights of Ancient Greece at eye-level since they’re all positioned to look out over the city. It was amazing. Of course, NeNe was too busy panicking about her fear of heights to observe anything. Well, she noticed one thing: Kenya picking on Cynthia and mocking her Bailey Wine Cellar!
It started over innocuously. Cynthia was loving some rosé that Kenya decided couldn’t possibly be of standard because it has a twist-off cap. I’d like to demure to Lisa Vanderpump for an opinion on whether or not the corking apparatus defines a wine’s value. Things escalated to Kenya jabbing at Cynthia about what meal she would serve with this wine, and if she could even name any red wines.
Instead of telling Kenya to shut-up, Cynthia just went ahead, swilling her glass, and batting her lashes at the sky. This is just so Kenya. She’s mad about her marriage; she’s mad about NeNe so she’s projecting – venomously and meanly – at Cynthia, who has done nothing but support her. Kenya always picks on Cynthia and that’s cause Cynthia let’s her get away with it. Finally, it is Kandi who tells Kenya to stop.
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Once the ladies are back down to earth they hit the markets for some shopping, more drinking, and more passive-aggressive fun. Breaking plates only goes so far! Cynthia is openly ignoring Kenya, even though she claims she wasn’t upset and didn’t feel ‘read’ by Kenya’s earlier antics. Kenya is literally chasing her through the market begging her to buy some Greek wine to take home. But, Cynthia pretends not to hear her.
Meanwhile, Tanya and Porsha Williams take matters into their own hands by buying these super cute evil eye bracelets and getting one for Cynthia as well. The bracelets are supposed to ward off negativity so these women need to cover their entire arms in them.
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Back at the villa, Tanya and Porsha give Cynthia her present and warn her to set some limits with Kenya. Her friends’ concern is eye-opening to Cynthia who realizes that even though she needs to give Kenya some grace while she’s going through her divorce, she doesn’t need to give Kenya a pass to throw her under the bus!
NeNe is especially fired up by the way Cynthia handles Kenya. Living in a land of true revisionist history NeNe pretends that Cynthia never turned a blind eye to her awful behavior, when that is all Cynthia did for years! I love how on this trip Porsha has suddenly gained the wisdom and maturity of a woman twice her age. She’s helping Cynthia work through problems and see the writing on the wall. She’s advising other women to embrace fun, not drama.
What Porsha and Tanya both point out is Kenya’s hypocrisy. When it came to her haircare line being criticized in even the slightest way (like when Tanya revealed her wig-wearing) Kenya freaks out and gets vicious, yet she is slandering Cynthia’s company on national TV and implying that her friend is hardly a wine expert or good businesswoman. She did the same thing to Marlo by bringing in that marching band! Kenya is a hypocrite.
On Day 3, they hit a vineyard because doing things with wine is really working out so well for them. The mood is high though because free wine! Also, the free wine is delicious. Marlo proposes that Cynthia make a Real Housewives Of Atlanta wine and put all their photos on the label. Something very top shelf, which means no twist-off caps! Kenya is not about to share anything with Marlo or NeNe, though! As she is a high-class individual worthy of a cork.
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While the other women peruse the wine shop, Porsha pulls NeNe aside for a chat. She wants to get back to sisterhood which means being honest about how NeNe’s appalling comments hurt her when she was postpartum and dealing with Dennis McKinley cheating. A post-therapy Porsha is very insightful and forgiving.
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Porsha explains that the hurt she felt from NeNe was extra intense because she considered them to have a real friendship. NeNe is receptive (for her) and even offered a half-hearted apology to accompany her tear-less crying. By that I mean, NeNe yanked off her lashes which proves she was upset right (eye roll)! In the end, I hope Porsha doesn’t expect too much from NeNe. NeNe has shown herself, again and again, Porsha should tread lightly. They end their conversation with a hug and a vow to be sisters again.
The idea in this group that NeNe is somehow some sort of expert on marriage and relationships since she’s been with Gregg Leakes so long is a total joke. Especially given how NeNe treated his cancer last year. Even in her talk with Porsha NeNe complains that none of the women understood where she was coming from, so she couldn’t open up to them, then blamed all her aggressive behaviors on Gregg’s cancer. Porsha pushes back a little, by insisting they were trying to be supportive but NeNe wouldn’t let her in, but nobody will ever really truly call NeNe out on her lie of a marriage. Except for Kenya.
The fact that Porsha pretends she wants relationship advice from a woman who claims cheating isn’t serious, because if your man loves you he will always come back home is preposterous. But this is just what NeNe professes! That Gregg’s devotion to family, despite his wandering eye, is very much what keeps them together. WHO IS TRYING TO SLEEP WITH GREGG?! Feral pussies, that’s who!
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Meanwhile, trying to make amends without actually acknowledging what she needs to atone for, Kenya buys Cynthia a case of expensive wine to take back with her to Atlanta. We see you, Kenya — and Cynthia’s evil eye does too!
In the market over dinner, surrounded by feral cats swirling at their designer-shod feet, Porsha and Tanya have an epiphany! This trip is so positive and fun (well for them anyway) they decide all the women need to burn all their bad vibes with a “ruin party,” so they don’t ruin their friendships! That’s all nice and everything but the more important concern is why these women, who just celebrated a leopard lunch, afraid of a few little pussies? Also, NeNe keeps throwing food to the wild animals then wondering why they come around. This is a euphemism for her life.
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Over dinner, Eva Marcille calls to let everyone know she’s 5cm dilated and ready to be induced. So, that was exciting. We also learn Kandi is considering hiring her surrogate to do office management once the baby is born because she really likes Shadina as a person. I mean, Ok… unconventional but Kandi really likes a closed rank.
Then it’s back to the villa for the burn party. Within the span of 5 minutes, all of the women have refreshed hair and makeup. They changed into goddess clothes and there is food and wine laid out. There is also NeNe ready to lay into people as if she learned nothing in the vineyard. NeNe and Kenya’s animosity is a gaping wound that never truly heals.
The point of this party is a pass the crown, wear the grudge. Every woman is given a chance to wear a laurel wreath crown and pass another one to the woman they’re having issues with. This is a Housewives theme as old as the ancient ruins themselves. We all know it will turn out badly with laurel wreaths that were previously rested upon being turned to stabbing thorns. This time it’s even worse.
Kenya feels the party isn’t fair because Porsha made up with NeNe in private, but now is expecting all of them to air their grievances publicly. Maybe she’s right or maybe Kenya is just predicting that most people only have grievances with her!
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First Cynthia confronts Kenya, who insists she wasn’t trying to insult her ‘sister’ at the floating restaurant. Cynthia instantly forgives her and accepts Kenya’s explanations, then they hug.
Almost immediately NeNe inserts herself in the middle their reunification to call-out the inequality in the way Cynthia treats her vs. the way she treats Kenya. NeNe calls Kenya a bitch and accuses her of being a bully. She may not be wrong in that Kenya does pick on people, then cries victim whenever anyone points when she does wrong. Of course instead of making her point soundly, NeNe undoes it all by calling Kenya’s vagina dried up and mocking her over Marc leaving. “Marc is twirling on out of this marriage. Him and his nose ring. Bye Marc!” NeNe snarks. Which HA, but also nasty.
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Kenya retaliates by saying NeNe is bipolar and snarking that for all her bragging, she can’t stand Gregg or her marriage. AGREE ON THAT! For Kenya this outburst demonstrates that NeNe pretending to be concerned about her divorce was all insincere. Finally with interventions from Tanya, Kandi and Porsha the argument is shut down amid lots of screaming and name-calling , and it is Tanya’s turn to confront Kenya.
After having some time to collect herself Tanya is not having any of Kenya’s messy excuses. When Kenya tries to explain why she believes she is owed an apology for the wig stunt, Tanya refuses, citing that bringing Cookie Lady to malign Paul’s character and her relationship undid any apologies Kenya was owed. Porsha right away backs Tanya in calling out Kenya’s messiness, but Tanya and Kenya don’t get to finish discussing their situation, because NeNe interrupted again. This time by flinging popcorn and threatening violence against Kenya. Talk about the punishment not befitting the crime…
Tanya is way too smart for the mentality of Real Housewives Of Atlanta. I actually think she’s elevating Porsha’s brain capacity. With everything spiraling out of control, Porsha and Tanya declare their burn party to be wild fire that needs emergency fire and rescue, STAT!
TELL US – WAS NENE OUT OF LINE IN HER REACTIONS TO KENYA? SHOULD PORSHA GIVE NENE ANOTHER CHANCE?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
