My therapist will be hearing about this episode. I am so twisted up with this Vanderpump Rules drama I don’t know which way is up or down. Watching Lala Kent and Katie Maloney pretend to be afraid of a drunk Raquel Leviss because she was dancing to Taylor Swift with a galaxy light was a bit of a reach for me. And Lala acts like she has any right to be reviewing the girl-code manual with anyone, let alone a woman whose man she’s cheated with.
That said, what am I? A warrior for Raquel? I think not. But in all seriousness, we don’t watch this show for the ethics. Thanks for bearing with me through another week.
Raquel’s Own Galaxy
Raquel is bumbling around drunk after the Girl’s Night at Disco Pussy. She’s microwaving leftovers and praying to her one true ruler, Lisa Vanderpump. Lala, Katie, and Kristina Kelly are laying in bed together, talking about how embarrassingly sloppy Raquel has gotten in Vegas. Shame!
Raquel joins the women on the bed, and Katie asks her if she kissed Oliver Saunders earlier in the evening. Raquel admits she did but assures everyone that Lala gave her permission. Katie continues to press Raquel. Why Katie thinks this is her jurisdiction, I really don’t know. Lala summarizes everything by saying she wouldn’t trust her man around Raquel if Raquel had been drinking. Tell me you knowingly date cheaters without telling me.
“Thank god you don’t have a man around,” Raquel slurs back to Lala. Her comment wounds Lala, who decides to dismiss Raquel on the spot. Everything ends with Bambi agreeing to leave the room peacefully. Yet we’ll somehow rehash this at least two more times in this episode.
Panic At The Cisco
In the morning, Lala is still upset over Raquel’s “thank god you don’t have a man” comments. Lala feels she’s evolved beyond Raquel’s comprehension, and she decides to continue rubbing her nose in it. When Raquel apologizes for her drunken mistake Lala seizes the moment to remind her she’s taken men from her before, so don’t get it twisted.
Was she bragging about hooking up with James Kennedy? Or was it the fact that she knew she was taking Raquel’s dude? Whatever the point was, Lala didn’t stick the landing. She came off looking hypocritical and a little too touchy for someone claiming to be a reincarnate of Tupac. She doth protest too much.
Things change between the women again during their drive from Vegas to a rental house in Lake Havasu. Raquel breaks down in tears while telling the girls she’s trying to figure out who she is after leaving her awful relationship with James. She has a full-blown panic attack, and the women pull over to have a feel-good moment.
Lala tells Raquel that she has nothing to worry about. Methinks Raquel is having some social anxiety about her drunken antics while being filmed. Everyone truly seemed bonded after the breakdown, and again, the two mistresses have found peace.
RELATED: Lala Kent Denies That Bravo Re-Edited Vanderpump Rules In Light Of Tom Sandoval Scandal
OMG THE LIGHTNING BOLT NECKLACE
Ahhhhhh!! Did you see it?? Supposedly, this episode was mainly filmed the first weekend of August 2022. That’s just a few weeks before the Raquel and Tom Sandoval affair started. Or was it? Maybe that post-Vegas meltdown had a little more guilt behind it than we originally thought. There’s still no clear answer on when these two thirsty queens got together.
We are treated to a short and sweet bland scene featuring Sandy and Tom Schwartz weighing whether they should divest their stake in TomTom. The biggest notes are Lisa’s son has been promoted from bus boy to bar manager and Tom Sandoval is donning his half of the matching necklace set he and Raquel share. Now everything is scrambled. Is Raquel cheating on Tom with Oliver? Which Tom am I even talking about?
Scheana’s Second Child
She’s still mothering Tom Schwartz. This week, Scheana Shay hired Tom a stylist to help organize his closet. She wasn’t included in the girl’s trip, so she needs to hatch a comeback plan. Shi-shu offers to organize a Guy’s Night to celebrate Tom getting “his Schwartz” back. She is solidly on Team Tom at this point.
Havasu Gone Wild
Charli Burnett has joined the mildest Girl’s Trip this franchise has ever seen. And we’re about to relive the same argument again. A few times. The girls all go out to dinner, and quickly everyone starts calling Raquel a liability to let Charli know how the lines have been drawn in her absence. Lucky for us, Charli doesn’t really give a sh-t.
Lala starts retelling the entire “glad you don’t have a man” story again, and it’s time for round three. Katie plays her role poorly and pretends she’s shy to mention that Oliver and Raquel make out to Charli. Lala adds that Raquel’s quip about not having a man was unforgivable according to female empowerment.
Raquel gently reminds everyone that Lala was once proudly dating a married man. Katie tries to claim she and Tom’s marriage is still sacred, and Raquel tried it with him. According to Katie, that makes Raquel a hypocrite. Do her hands hurt from scraping the bottom of the “me and Tom” storyline barrel yet? And to be clear, obviously, we now know Raquel is a hypocrite. But watching Katie try and make this point is still making my brain hurt.
Raquel doubles down and reiterates that Lala has slept with and committed to a fully married man. Lala has had enough. She leaves the table in defeat. How has Raquel become the apex? This season is about to be such a ride.
The next day, Lala is upset Katie’s trip keeps getting ruined because she herself can’t stop talking about Raquel. Meanwhile, Raquel and Charli pack up their stuff to leave. They’re headed back to LA to hang out with Tom Schwartz at Scheana’s Boy’s Night. They leave with their middle fingers up.
The remaining three girls stick it out in Havasu to film a scene with a Tom pinata. Katie knocks it down with a couple of smacks and about 15 miscellaneous items fall out. Party! Later they go to a country bar and drink cucumber water.
TELL US – DID YOU SEE THE LIGHTNING BOLT NECKLACE? THOUGHTS ON THE TIMING OF TOM AND RAQUEL NOW? ARE YOU TEAM LALA OR TEAM RAQUEL IN THEIR NEVER-ENDING MISTRESS WAR?
[Photo Credit: Charles Sykes/Bravo]
