It’s finally the last charter of the season on Below Deck Sailing Yacht. Since the guests requested to “jump right into using all the water toys” on their preference sheet, Captain Glenn Shephard decided to find a nice anchorage and have everything set up on their arrival. The plan was to pick up the guests and tender them out to the Parsifal III, rather than boarding at the dock.
The crew was antsy, knowing the end of the season was in sight. Junior Stew Madison “Mads” Herrera declared, “I am over everyone this morning!”
Deckhand Alex Propson muttered, “[I’ve] just got to survive under [First Mate Gary King’s] reign for four [more] days.”
“Just don’t cut his lunch, mate,” Chief Engineer Colin MacRae told him. Apparently, that’s Australian for stealing someone else’s girlfriend/boyfriend. Never heard that one before. I had to Google it.
“The only reason I haven’t is because I have respect for the guy,” Alex responded. “If I would have put out the slightest bit of effort [and not been so plastered all the time], he would not have been getting laid.” I’m sure Mads would love hearing herself talked about this way.
The “emotional maturity of a three-year-old”
Meanwhile – even though I tried so hard to avoid discussing it – Gary was still mad at Alex for “causing drama.” It all started when Alex overheard Mads jokingly say something about being on her period. When Alex repeated that news the next morning, after Gary had gone “undercover,” so to speak, the night before, Gary freaked out. Of course, it wasn’t true, but Gary would rather blame Alex than Mads, even though she was the one who started it. Ugh. Gary is such a baby-man.
Alex has zero respect for Gary, and I don’t really blame him. When he attempted to apologize to Gary, Gary refused to listen to him and just walked away. “What an incredibly, like, disrespectful, selfish and immature way to deal with this,” Alex said.
“It just goes to show Gary’s leadership style,” Alex continued. “It’s dysfunctional … and toxic as f*ck. [Gary has] the emotional maturity of a three-year-old.”
A couple, a throuple and a mom
While they waited for the guests, Mads and her co-Junior Stew Lucy Edmunds discussed the anticipated arrival of the “throuple.” Randy and Brad are married; Nic is their boyfriend. The girls debated how that would work, deciding they were way too insecure and jealous to allow a third party into any relationship. But hey, if it works for Randy, Brad and Nic, who cares? (But does it really work? Keep reading…)
When the guests arrived and were asked to remove their shoes before walking onto the boat, one of the men commented, “So we brought a bag of shoes for nothing.” That made me laugh. Poor guy. Maybe he’ll get to wear some of those shoes later in his trip, post-yacht.
As Mads passed out champagne to the hot, thirsty guests, one of them told her, “You’re doing the Lord’s work there, Mads. Bless you.”
As they toured the boat, co-primary Todd asked his mother, “What do you think, Mom?”
“Every mother deserves a gay son,” she answered. Awwwww!
Meanwhile, Mads was helping Chef Ileisha Dell prepare snacks for the guests. Gary entered the galley to flirt, “What’s up? What’s up?” But Mads was giving him the silent treatment for embarrassing her earlier and totally ignored him. Picking up on the situation, Gary slunk away with his tail between his legs.
Alex makes an open-water rescue
After accidentally dunking Mom in the drink while trying to get her onto the blow-up unicorn, Alex finally launched her successfully. She was holding onto its neck for dear life but managed to stay upright on the floatie.
The boys wanted to play on the rope swing, so Gary set it up and demonstrated its use. Meanwhile, the unicorn seemed to be galloping for the shore, carrying Mom further away by the minute. “She’ll be on the bank soon,” Randy said, as Mom gamely waved goodbye. Ciao, baby!
“Miss you already!” Nic yelled.
“The current is strong where we are,” Alex interviewed. “There’s no barriers, there’s no windbreaks. I need to act pretty quickly before this becomes an open-water rescue.” He grabbed one of the Seabobs and motored off to retrieve Todd’s mom.
Chief Stew Daisy Kelliher walked out of the laz just in time to see Alex going to Mom’s rescue. “Oh gosh!” she said, concerned but laughing a little. “Did you untie her?”
“I’m trying to help Todd get his inheritance sooner,” one of the guests joked. “I mean, she’s 72, there’s not much left.”
“You almost made it to the beach,” Alex said when he reached her. “It’s really shallow here, but the current’s really strong … Hold on!” Grabbing the unicorn’s “bridle,” he towed Mom back toward the boat. Unfortunately, he was going too fast for the unicorn to keep up and dumped Mom over sideways. Poor Mom’s having a tough day.
Giving Todd’s mom the Seabob to tow her back to the boat, Alex swam back, towing the now riderless unicorn. “You had an adventure!” Daisy told her when she returned, sunglasses askew. I think Mom deserves a cocktail and a deck chair. Todd’s gonna have to wait a little longer for that inheritance.
Colin and Chase rehash the Gary tantrum
Going down to the boys’ cabin for a little break, Colin found deckhand Chase Lemacks already there. “Mind if I join you?” he asked.
“You heard about this whole f*cking Gary/Alex debacle?” Colin asked Chase. “The whole period thing.” Oh dear God, must we continue talking about this? It’s just so gross!
“It’s all so dumb, dude,” Chase said. “Gary asked me this morning, he’s like, ‘You wanna be on day shift?'”
“He was gonna put Alex on nights to punish him?” Colin asked, a little stunned.
“Cause he didn’t want to see him,” Chase said.
“Look, I’m sure Gary feels really embarrassed right now,” Chase interviewed, “but I don’t feel bad for the guy. The immature way that he deals with conflict is exactly what got him into this mess. You can’t let it consume your work life like Gary does.”
Keep those cocktails coming, Daisy!
These guests are drinkers! I’m starting to get worried the Parsifal’s going to run out of booze. “Cheers, queers!” one of them toasts, as they toss back more tequila.
“They’re psychopaths,” Daisy complained to Colin in the crew mess. “It’s insane. They’re pretty hammered.”
Walking into the galley, Glenn asked Lucy, “How’s their mood?”
“Drunk,” she answered. “They’re drinking a lot.”
Back on deck, guest Randy was starting to feel the effects of the sun combined with mass quantities of alcohol. He struggled to his feet and wandered downstairs. “I just want to lay down,” he moaned, collapsing onto the bed in the master cabin. At least he remembered where his room was. Good for him. Take a nap, Randy. You’ll feel better. Gotta pace yourself.
Time to sail
Two guests at the bar asked Mads, “Are we sailing or are we on motor?”
“They’re raising the sails right now,” she told them. “So if you guys want to [sit] up there, you’ll see it all happen.” Randy, snoring away in the master, is going to miss the best part.
Nic, being a good boyfriend, brought Randy water. But Randy wanted none of it, claiming he was “going to be sick.” Wait till the boat starts heeling over, Randy. You’re in for a fun ride.
Time to rumble, rumble, rumble
Sometime later, Randy woke up cranky from his drunken nap. He started yelling at Nic for leaving him “passed out on the floor.” Actually, Nic had tried to help him, but Randy had been so drunk and belligerent, he’d refused any help. He also didn’t remember that part.
Delivering freshly ironed clothes to Todd and Grant’s cabin, Lucy and Mads overheard the arguing in the master. Lucy decided, “If this is an example of being in a throuple, stay me the f*ck away.”
When the captain overheard Lucy describing the argument going on in the master, he asked her, “Are they getting aggro? Like, are they going to fight?”
Glenn was not having any of it. “If you guys see anything weird, let me know immediately.”
“Well, I’m giving them f*cking amazing food, so they better love it,” Ileisha said. I’m afraid some of them are so drunk, they’re not even going to be able to taste it. What a waste of Ileisha’s beautiful food!
While Randy, Brad and Nic were still arguing down below, Mom, whose name I finally realized is Debra, was trying to figure out their situation. “So you call them the ‘truffle?'” Oh, Debra. You are so cute! You remind me of my own sweet mom. “It makes no sense to me whatsoever,” she concluded. You’re not the only one, Deb.
More fighting over dinner
Finally, all the guests were at the table. Randy was already seated, so Nic asked Brad to sit between them. Best keep the peace at dinner.
“Drunk, fighting guests is not ideal,” Ileisha interviewed. “But this is my last charter, and I have put a lot of hard work into this. You’re going to enjoy this!”
The first course was Avocado Mousse with Whipped Feta and Cavier, with Sardinian toasted bread. Yum! Three of my favorites!
But down in the master cabin, Lucy and Mads were discovering a hellscape. “Oh my God,” Lucy exclaimed, coming out of the bathroom. “Mads! They got sick in the sink. That’s what the smell is.” Deciding she needed to get gloves, Lucy gave herself a pep talk, “I can do this.”
Meanwhile, back on deck, Ileisha was presenting the second course, which also looked fabulous. “For this course, we have bone-in ribeye, roasted parsnips and a confit garlic puree.” I only know what one of those things is. I don’t believe I’ve ever even seen a parsnip. Google says it’s like a carrot, which I hate, so no thanks.
Instead of just enjoying their dinner, another argument broke out between Randy and Grant over something so stupid I can’t even explain it. Down in the galley, Mads told Colin, “Grant and Ray [Randy] are now going at it.”
Back at the table, Todd had had enough of Randy and asked Grant and David to “squeeze out” so he could leave. Todd and Grant left the table, while Randy flicked cigarette ashes into his plate and claimed, “Todd can do better.” Hello! Todd’s mother is sitting right there. Be respectful of her, at least.
The fight escalates
Todd and Grant went to their cabin to escape Randy’s nasty attitude. But at the table, Randy decided to “go talk to them.” Uh oh, this isn’t going to go well.
Lucy jumped on the radio to notify the captain, “Glenn, it’s gotten worse. They’re going down there to talk.” Poor Glenn. This is the last charter of the season. He just wants nice normal guests, and instead, he has a load of drunks.
In the guest quarters, Randy just opened the door and walked into Todd’s room. “You have to realize…” he began.
“You can’t … just get out of my room, dude,” Grant told him. “Randy get out of here. Get out of the room, dude!”
Suddenly Todd was standing in the hallway, “Get out of this room! Get out of this boat! This is unbelievable from you!”
Glenn’s not having any aggression on his boat
Glenn arrived and I was worried for him. Glenn is not a big man. Todd looked to be about a foot taller than him, but at least Todd was on his side. “Upstairs,” Glenn told Randy. “Don’t push anybody. This is ridiculous.”
In the hallway, Glenn continued telling Randy, “I’m telling you, the first moment I see anyone getting aggro, they will be getting off the boat. Keep that in mind when you’re talking to your friend. You’re clear on that?”
“There’s nothing to be clear about,” Randy argued, as Gary come running to back up Glenn. Gary’s not that big of a guy either. Where are Chase and Alex?
“We are not getting violent,” Randy insisted. “We want to talk.”
“Dude, you’re getting aggro with me,” Glenn told him, “and you’re this far from getting off the boat … this is ridiculous.”
“This is ridiculous,” Randy told him. “Because I just tried to have a normal conversation with them and I was calm.”
Daisy suddenly appeared in the hallway. “Maybe it’s best to leave until the morning, when everyone’s calmed down and sobered up a bit.”
Randy agreed and disappeared into his cabin. “He’s pretty f*cking wasted,” Daisy told Glenn and Gary.
“First punch thrown and they’re f*cking off the boat,” Glenn decreed.
“I’m gonna go to bed,” Gary told him. “If you need muscles, call Chase.”
After the fight
While Todd was crying in his cabin and Grant comforted him, the other guests consoled each other, still at the dinner table. “Honey, you deserve so much better,” Debra told Brad.
“If we get divorced, he’s going to take me for everything I have,” Brad told her.
“You didn’t do the prenup?” she asked him. “What the f*ck were you thinking?”
When Chase showed up for his night shift, he got all the stories of the fight he missed. “Ray seems to be instigating all the problems,” Glenn told him. “So, anything happens, just come and get us right away.” Glenn’s not playin’.
When Chase went down to check on things in the guest cabins, Ray was still at it. “I want off this boat. I wanna go home,” he told Brad.
“Why don’t you just stop drinking,” Nic interjected, “and sleep, and then maybe you’ll feel better in the morning.”
“F*ck you both!” Ray answered.
“Go to sleep, you messy motherf*cker!” Nic said. Not a good idea to poke the [drunk] bear, Nic. I’d be looking for another place to sleep.
Chase stood guard in the hallway until he finally heard snoring from inside their cabin. Wonder how Ray’s gonna feel in the morning, or if he’ll even remember any of it?
The morning after
As the guests filtered up to breakfast the next morning, there was still discord in the master cabin. “If we can’t enjoy ourselves here in Sardinia,” Nic was saying, “then why the f*ck are we together?”
“Today is a different day,” Nic continued. “Bury your sh*t.” And then kick some grass over it, like my little dog does. “Smile. And let’s just enjoy one day.” As long as nobody serves Randy any more alcohol, things might be okay. I just don’t have a good feeling about this.
At breakfast, David was wearing his Fyre Festival shirt (Google it, if you’re not familiar). “No matter how bad it gets, it could be worse,” he said. Good one, Dave! LOL. When things gets dicey, I always think of a line from Young Frankenstein, “It could be worse. It could be raining.” And then the skies opened.
Rather than be at the table when the Fearsome Threesome woke up, the other guests took the tender to the beach to do some morning exercise. Nobody’s ready to rehash the horror of the night before.
“We’re just gonna move forward,” Randy said. “It is what it is. Sh*t happens.”
And speaking of sh*t…
Once all the guests were up, Lucy and Mads were again facing the nastiness of the master cabin. “Oh my God,” Lucy moaned. “The sink is f*cked.” And not just the sink. Somebody didn’t have the common decency to flush the toilet. How do you do that when you know someone is going to come in and clean? That’s disgusting.
“I may be your stewardess,” Lucy voice-overed. “I may be your maid, maybe I have to clean. But I should never have to flush the toilet for grown-ass men. F*cking gross!”
Poor Lucy’s over it. She called her dad, crying, “I just want to come home. These people are animals … I’ve cleaned up sick. I’ve just cleaned up sh*t. Like, I am done. I want to go home. I’m so tired.” Lucy needs a hug. And a day off. Fortunately, her dad talked her off the ledge. Lucy’s dad is a great dad.
Amazingly, when Todd, David, Grant and Debra returned from their trip to the beach, Randy actually apologized for his behavior of the night before. “Apologies, I was very rude,” he said, hugging Grant. “We’ll get a start-over.”
Colin questions Daisy’s “friendship” with Gary
Daisy went to the control room to check in with Colin. When she asked how he was doing, he said, “I had an interesting chat with Gary before … He’s very confused, cause you keep asking him if he likes Mads or not. Like, ‘Why is she asking me? Why is she so interested?'” Gary’s just trying to stir up sh*t.
“Because I’m his friend,” Daisy said.
“It’s just got me thinking a bit as well,” Colin told her.
“My defensive mechanisms are kicking in a little bit,” Colin interviewed. “I almost feel like Gary isn’t just going to step aside and let us be together. I’m just getting alarm bells left, right and center.”
“This is a spanner in the works,” Colin said. “It’s pretty pathetic.”
“Honestly, I really couldn’t care about Gary and any of his relationships,” Daisy said. “I was only trying to help him as a friend.” I’m not buying it, Daisy, and I don’t think Colin is either.
“He’s disrespectful towards you,” Daisy added. “You’re the person I want to be with.”
“At this stage, I feel like Gary possibly could be trying to f*ck with our relationship,” Daisy interviewed, ” and I’m f*cking over it. This is the last f*cking straw.”
“If Gary can’t be friends with me without f*cking stirring sh*t,” Daisy said, “then I don’t want to be his friend.” I’ll believe it when I see those sentiments in action, Dais. I don’t think she and Gary are done.
TELL US – HOW GROSS WERE THOSE ENTITLED GUESTS IN THE MASTER? DO YOU THINK DAISY AND GARY ARE REALLY DONE? DO YOU THINK MADS WILL WIND UP WITH GARY OR ALEX ON THEIR LAST CREW NIGHT OUT?
