ABC has enlisted the ladies of The Golden Bachelor to help promote The Bachelor Season 28. In the spirit of the holiday season, the video is a parody of The Night Before Christmas. The stockings are hung and four of Gerry Turner’s gals read us the story, sitting on Santa’s throne before the fireplace.
April Kirkwood leads off, “Twas the month before The Bachelor and all through the mansion…”
“Excitement was building,” Susan Noles continues, “with love and with passion.” Not the best rhyme ever, but we’ll roll with it.
One month till The Bachelor
Next, we see Bachelor Joey Graziadei putting on his jacket and adjusting his shirt cuffs, as Nancy Hulkower gives us a flirty wink. Thank you, ABC, for resisting the urge to subject us to another gawdawful thirst trap shower scene. Santa would have to put you on his naughty list — if you’re not already there.
“The women arrived, in limos they came,” Kathy Swarts reads, as those women in the limos scream, “Jo-eeeeeeee!”
“For Joey’s perfect match … ” Kathy continues, ” … love isn’t a game,” Nancy concludes. For emphasis, they show us one of Joey’s ladies, dressed in a sparkly evening gown, batting at a yellow soccer ball with a giant tennis racket. In case you don’t get the joke, Joey’s a tennis pro. Kathy says, “That’s really funny.”
“Group dates and red roses must meet. ‘Tis the season,” April goes on.
“Who’s here for fun?” Kathy asks, “And who’s here for the right reasons,” April finishes.
“Don’t get me started,” Kathy interjects. That was cute.
Joey steals somes kisses
“The mistletoe’s hung, some will steal a few kisses,” Nancy reads, as Joey makes out with some of the Season 28 contestants.
“With hopes to become,” adds Kathy, “Joey’s future missus.” Here we see a group of wannabe brides running down a bucolic country road wearing white dresses and veils.
“You can all come to the wedding,” Nancy says.
The video concludes with Joey seated in the chair, surrounded by the four ladies. “Here’s to a season of love and delight,” he smilingly intones. “Happy Bachelor to all, and to all a good night,” they chant together.
Clement Clarke Moore’s rolling over in his grave, but I’ll admit it’s cute.
“The rhyme and the meter were not without flaw, but I’ll give A for effort and call it a draw. And before Joey’s sleigh flies off in the night, I’ll wish you a holiday shiny and bright.” Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.
The Bachelor Season 28 premieres January 22 at 8/7c on ABC.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF JOEY’S MONTH BEFORE BACHELOR?
