I loathe dark, unscripted, escapism-styled television. Unless it’s true crime related, because I’m a woman, and no, I cannot explain why we’re like this. But I can explain the need for a cast shake-up over on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. In recent years, the storylines have grown inherently cold, and it’s becoming pretty tough to watch.
When this series first began, every single cast member was rich af. Watching these ladies spend and live in such ostentatious ways, from my futon, while eating my Ramen, was everything. But then, lesser rich (shh, we’re all thinking it) ladies came, and we went from private planes and tiny horses to tax liens and scandals, almost overnight. Add on the Fox Force Five and you can just toss this entire series into Lisa Rinna’s bin, after removing Garcelle Beauvais’s book from it, that is.
From puppygate to lawsuits, to cease and desist letters and cast gang-ups, this series is struggling. Sure, the earlier years also had problems, such as marital woes, Russell Armstrong, and Kim Richard’s addictions, but it was…real. I’ll take real over manipulated storylines any ‘ol day. On this same token, I’ll also take back any of these former RHOBH stars, because it’s time to bring back the old-world charm and entertainment value that this series once held.
Adrienne Maloof
Adrienne Maloof made me laugh. Her genuine friendship with Lisa Vanderpump was also so much fun to watch until it wasn’t, that is. There’s one scene though that lives rent-free in my mind, so naturally, I had to find it and attach it to this section. This aired moment gave away just how wealthy Adrienne truly was, and when I grow up (shhh, I’m just a baby), I want to live like Adrienne.
In this scene, before cooking a meal with Lisa, Adrienne washed a raw chicken with hand soap, as her mortified costar looked on. Thank you, private chefs, for keeping rich families alive behind the scenes. Also, when the drama began arising, as it does, Adrienne stayed mostly above the fray. At a time when all this cast does is fight and backstab at their massive kitchen islands, Adrienne’s wealth, grace, and wit could bring a refreshing change-up to RHOBH.
Lisa Vanderpump
Whether you love her, or you accuse her of being a leaker of stories, there’s no denying that LVP made the earlier seasons of RHOBH great. I am a massive fan of sarcasm. In fact, British humor tends to find me quite well, thank you very much. Therefore, Lisa’s clap-backs and observations always made me chuckle.
In addition, Lisa’s wealth was next level. Her property’s a literal petting zoo, and the views from her backyard are to die for. While Real Housewives of Beverly Hills still has massively wealthy stars, like Kyle Richards and Sutton Stracke, there’s just something about the way that Lisa lives that made watching her so much fun. If we can get Lisa back, with a repaired friendship with Kyle (I know, but let me just imagine it), then this series could resort back to its lighter days, which, yes, please.
Joyce Giraud De Ohoven
Still close friends with LVP, Joyce Giraud only lasted one season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. However, on this show, she was a drama-free queen. This is likely why she wasn’t asked back, but Bravo, can we please stop doing this? This franchise could use a few additions who are bubbly and upbeat, who don’t add to the mess, but rather just shop and spend and show up.
Joyce did see a bit of conflict though, as Brandi Glanville came for her fairly hard. Brandi later apologized, and in her confessional, Joyce explained “If God can forgive humanity for what they did to His Son, I can forgive Brandi for being a stupid little b*tch.” Even though Joyce’s entertaining quips sounded borderline rehearsed, they still delivered. Overall, wit and wealth beat wiretaps and white-collar crimes, so Joyce, come back, eh?
Carlton Gebbia
Carlton Gebbia is my wild card. I personally liked her, because she’s just so different than anything this series has ever seen before. Apart from her wealth, Carlton’s goth appearance and Wiccan faith arrived as a stark contrast to her counterparts in the 90210. Speaking of her costars, Carlton really rattled Kyle, and my Season 4 BINGO card could have never predicted what happened next.
When the words “Bigot… travesty… wraith… larva” appeared randomly on Kyle’s home computer, Kyle freaked out. She then joked, with seriousness, that Carlton had placed a hex on her device. Love her or fear her, Carlton’s entertaining, and that’s exactly what RHOBH needs.
To note, Kathy Hilton, Yolanda Hadid (minus her almonds), Denise Richards, and Camille Grammer should all also return. As side pieces. Witty and wealthy passenger princesses are always needed to help roll various storylines along. Also, have you seen Camille dance?
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