Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta officially brought the show back to its glory days, and surprisingly it is Porsha Williams and Kandi Burruss who are stealing the show! At least for me anyway…
Ever since Mama Joyce disappeared into the streets, Kandi’s personal storylines have been as exciting as watching Kaela and Todd talk/not-talk paint dry at OLG restaurants. Instead, Kandi has emerged as a sort of omnipotent narrator. A centrist who’s not going be anyone’s ally or enemy. Case in point, she meets Nene Leakes for lunch and has no problem questioning NeNe’s behavior in a way that is direct, but not confrontational.
Kandi is suspicious of NeNe’s invitation from the get-go. The last time they came face to face was at the reunion, where NeNe basically called her irrelevant. But, now, NeNe has been seeing a crisis PR manager life coach. She is reformed so she’s trying to rebuild her career friendships. Basically, if no one on the actual cast will film with her, she has no place in the show. Which honestly that is why NeNe shouldn’t be ON the show.
Over lunch, NeNe tells Kandi she wants to move forward with everyone, except for Cynthia Bailey. When Kandi calls NeNe out for the shady interview she did calling Cynthia “weak” NeNe insists it was justified because Cynthia did many nasty interviews about her. Plus, NeNe has receipts in the form of a secret recording made by a mutual friend where Cynthia is apparently trashing NeNe.
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NeNe won’t say who this so-called friend is (production), what is being said, or how she came into possession of it. Nor do we get to hear it. Honestly, this is ridiculous! So the issue is that Cynthia was venting to a friend – privately, outside of cameras – and said some nasty stuff about NeNe? While that isn’t necessarily nice, it’s hardly like trashing someone publicly and it’s something we’ve alllll done – especially NeNe! It is actually farfarfarfar worse that someone Cynthia considered a friend took advantage of her trust and secretly recorded her, then shared it!
The next day, Kandi meets Cynthia and Kenya Moore at a hardware store because we’re expected to believe Cynthia is building a closet for Mike Hill. I know they’re #CHill, but I assume Mike wants the closet to be standing and not collapsing on him before he proposes? Also, Cynthia plans to wallpaper it with photos of her own face just in case he forgets that she’s the love of his life.
Also, what the hell do Kandi and Kenya know about home repairs? Kandi hasn’t even taught her kid to clean a shower and Kenya’s house is sinking into the crater created by Chateau Sheree‘s never-ending basement and sewer needs.
Right near the hatchet section – apt – Kandi informs Cynthia about the secret recording. Instead of being pressed, Cynthia acts like she simply doesn’t care. Now, when Cynthia is actually confronted with these receipts I think she’ll be singing a different tune. But, for now, she is unbothered by what NeNe thinks of her or her actions, or what she supposedly said. Cynthia does, however, suspect Yovanna Momplaisir or Marlo Hampton of being the secret agent, and I agree.
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Meanwhile, Tanya Sam takes Porsha to get some manufactured abs. Apparently, if you hook up to some machine for a few minutes it sucks everything in and makes it look like you’ve done a million crunches. Post-baby, and especially post-Dennis McKinley, Porsha is ready to get her best life. Not to meet a man, but to feel better about herself. Good for her!
While Porsha is getting her organs vacuum sealed and souvee’d, Tanya decides they should all go on a reuniting group trip! Tanya disappears from the office and reappears a few minutes later wearing feathers and a sequined bra top because the ladies are all headed to Carnivale… in Toronto. Nope, not Brazil – Canada. Apparently, this is a big deal there. Big enough that Porsha hops off the exam table, forgets all about poaching her fat pouches and starts twerking in her biz-cazsh attire. Now they just have to convince the other women to come along… And they have the perfect event for which to propose this trip: Marlo’s wig launch party.
Marlo decided she’s the next Kim Zolciak by becoming a wig entrepreneur, cause why not? She dubs her collection “HER: Haute, Elegant, Rebel” and invites all the women – even Eva Marcille, who clearly can’t afford good quality faux hair – to her party. Marlo goes out of her way to personally text Eva, promising no drama and beseeching her to come. However, Eva, bless her heart, has something of a spine and is not going to subject herself to more of this fake nonsense.
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Kenya also declines the invitation. Which we know isn’t going to be as cut and dry as her not showing up. Even though Porsha doesn’t want to come, knowing NeNe will be in attendance, she is not about to disappoint Marlo. Porsha and NeNe haven’t spoken since NeNe called her fat on social media 6 days after she had PJ. Among other horrible things. And true to form over lunch with Kandi, NeNe went in on Dennis McKinley by accusing him of watching PetCo porn where hot dogs copulate.
Kandi is quick to say she thinks Dennis is a beast, not into beastiality like the blogs claimed. However, NeNe won’t let it go. Where’s her life coach to fix it now?! Could anyone fix that dirty mind and arrogant attitude? Not even Jesus!
Porsha’s plan is to completely ignore NeNe as if she doesn’t exist. When NeNe comes around, making her hellos, Porsha literally turns cheek then goes off in search of the mini hamburgers.
Cynthia knew NeNe and Yovanna would be at the party, so she wears the biggest wig she can find and holds her head up high. NeNe releasing the secret recording isn’t a concern as it turns out. Also, Yovanna actively denies being the culprit when she’s confronted by Kandi (Yovanna is a terrible liar, though).
All of Cynthia and NeNe’s drama is eclipsed when a surprise special guest arrives: It’s Kenya, with a marching band and a huge supply of free samples of her No More Edges product from Kenya Moore Haircare. This is a subliminal message that Marlo has weak edges, and that no one should be wearing wigs to hide their natural deficiencies when they can just have Kenya fix them right up!
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Kenya’s products are being sold in Sally Beauty, which unfortunately is in some pretty serious financial distress, so she needs all the advertising and sales she can get. So, why not hijack on Marlo’s wig party? Porsha literally dies and falls on the floor laughing, but immediately calls Kenya out for her nonsense. Tomorrow, Porsha wants to know about edges, but today she is here for the wigs.
Kandi too calls Kenya out on being messy — like she hired a band for this stunt after pretending she wasn’t going to attend. This was not spur of the moment, but calculated shade. Kenya tried to lie and say she had planned to stay home to take Brooklyn to the doctor, but then what? A drummer wearing purple Moore Haircare t-shirts showed up on her doorstep along with several boxes of sample products. It was a sign from the demi-gods, aka Satan, that she had to attend Marlo’s party to spread the message? Anyway, I am glad to see Porsha and Kandi consistently calling Kenya out on her low-down antics this season on Real Housewives of Atlanta. ABOUT TIME is all I can say!
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At first, Marlo handled it in stride and cheerfully pretended to welcome Kenya’s products to her event. Porsha is impressed, but when Kenya refused to participate in the party games, Marlo wrenched the cocktail out of her hand and bellowed for security to escort Kenya out. Marlo’s security was asleep in the back or something – or maybe trying on wigs and edge cream, because he never managed to get Kenya.
She actually decided to leave on her own after Marlo started chanting “NO MORE KENYA MOORE!” and tried to convince the guests to do it with her. Marlo even demanded all the other Real Housewives of Atlanta stop interacting with Kenya because they were supposed to be supporting her at HER party. Knowing things were taking a turn for the belligerent, Kenya’s fight or flight response kicked in and she fled. Also – did anyone else think Marlo’s nephews seemed like they were being held hostage?
All of a sudden, in the middle of the drama with Kenya and Marlo, NeNe up and stormed out! Yovanna, her ride or literally die, chases her out to the parking lot and NeNe threatens to beat Yovanna’s ass for touching her car. NeNe announces that she’s too good for Kenya’s nonsense. She will not stoop to being present for an event where this is happening – not even for Marlo!
In fact, it is FOR Marlo that NeNe left. Otherwise, she might have to shove some water, aka Moore Haircare, up Kenya’s ass and cause an even bigger scene. YEAH. RIGHT. In reality, NeNe is pissed because her arrival and the drama that would ensue was supposed to be the MANE attraction (see what I did there). However, Kenya upstaged her.
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Kenya leaves the party cackling that she’s a businesswoman and needs to promote her product any chance she gets. Meanwhile, Cynthia tries to make excuses claiming she’s glad Kenya came because it was nice to see her. She is immediately called out by Porsha for even trying to sell that BS. Cynthia knows full and well Kenya was trying to ruin Marlo’s launch to be a bitch. And Porsha is correct!
Furthermore, it’s not pleasant to see that side of Kenya. There is Kenya and Krayonce. Dr. Krayonce, the mad haircare scientist, needs to stay home in her lab perfecting a way to minimize the edges of her horns poking out of her non-wig instead of terrorizing ladies who just want to buy some good hair.
TELL US – DO YOU THINK YOVANNA OR MARLO SECRETLY RECORDED CYNTHIA? WAS KENYA TOO SHADY OR DOES MARLO DESERVE IT?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
