What an epic fail that we had the Real Housewives Of Atlanta visit Lindsay Lohan‘s beach club and we don’t get a Lohan sighting or any of the requisite drama?! Instead, we had to pretend that Dina Lohan is some famous friend of Kandi Burruss‘ and the ladies were doing Dina a favor by visiting her daughter’s little beachside bar. But a Lohan was not present. Nor was there a mention of Lindsay’s failed reality show.
So the women are in Greece trying to figure out how goddesses behave. In fairness to NeNe Leakes and Kenya Moore, the original Greek goddesses were a pretty vengeful and petty bunch, ergo probably not above spitting or questioning the moistness level of one’s kitty. Still Nene Leakes is no goddess, and as a mortal her behavior was APPALLING.
Yes, Kenya is a shady bitch who’s nasty-nice and pushes buttons that are way below the belt, but spitting on someone and threatening to assault them as NeNe was doing – NEWP, NEWP, NEWP!
Cynthia Bailey and Marlo Hampton struggled – and failed – to get NeNe under control but she escaped them, like a wild beast, and fled off into the night. Counselor Porsha Williams, imported here from the strip mall plaza near Dennis‘ hotdog stand (and frantically reading therapy.org to try to effectively mediate a crisis), asks Kenya why she has such anger towards NeNe. It all goes back to that time NeNe called Kenya’s unborn child a “buffalo”.
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According to Dr. Porsha, if she can forgive NeNe for calling her a fat pig while she was pregnant and postpartum, Kenya can get over NeNe calling her, not her baby, a buffalo. NO, NO ONE should get over that. NO ONE should re-enter into a friendship with someone who compares another pregnant woman large livestock. Porsha needs to abandon counseling until she goes back to undergrad for Women’s Studies 101.
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Marlo finally corrals NeNe back to the table where NeNe decides to shout an insincere apology to Kenya for calling her a buffalo. She would never insult a child, btw. Also, she wouldn’t ever hurt a woman, so she didn’t mean it when she said that. Of course not! Kenya, rightfully, does not accept. Even with all the other women trying to force her to. That was the most BS apology ever. And Kenya knows a BS apology, given the amount of them she’s given out herself.
Despite all of this, Kandi tries to get everyone back on track with the burn party and Porsha passes the crowns to Marlo, who passes one right back to Kenya to complain about the wig party. Kenya refuses to apologize citing an age-old argument where Marlo insulted Kenya’s mom. Your mama!
The whole confrontation with Marlo is just too much for Kenya who takes off. Kandi chases after her begging Kenya to stay and stand her ground (Why?). Kenya is so mad that when Kandi tries to give her a hug, Kenya shoves her. I don’t blame Kenya for running. All these women know she’s getting a divorce, which doesn’t excuse Kenya’s actions, but gives some context to her emotional state.
NeNe pretended to be compassionate for one day but when Kenya wouldn’t play into her Big Sis schemes, she turned vicious quick. Kenya is no angel either. She’s throwing Cynthia – one of the only people who support her – under the bus by insulting her business!
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The next morning Kandi and Cynthia join Kenya for a debrief while NeNe meets up with Porsha and Tanya Sam. There is no way, no how Kenya will ever give NeNe another chance and she has no desire to get over the things that were said, especially all the insults about how she can’t keep a man. Even when Kandi points out that she got over Porsha accusing her of rape, Kenya won’t budge. A leopard lunch doesn’t change its spots!
Meanwhile, Porsha and Tanya defend NeNe for supposedly calling Kenya a buffalo, not her baby! Um, ladies – no do not defend her. She’s indefensible. No one can get over how Kenya refused to apologize to Marlo especially when she’s so oversensitive about her own business. Kenya is a hypocrite. Duh. Also, boy did Porsha fully forgive NeNe – she went from barely speaking to her to defending her to Kenya. Um…
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Why everyone thinks NeNe and Kenya should make amends is beyond me? Not everyone can be friends, y’all!
Everyone is tired and just wants to have fun on their last day in Greece, so they tuck their differences away, put on their swimwear and Golden Girls caftans to hit the Lohan Beach Club where everyone else is approximately 25 and probably passed out drunk, which explains why the place was completely empty. I must say there was some fabulous swim attire among the Real Housewives Of Atlanta! Except for NeNe’s. Of course, her boobs kept popping out. For all NeNe’s money, plus owning a boutique, why can she never find things to properly fit?!
Kandi, playing ringmaster, announces that they’ll all be competing in pairs and she’ll be assigning the duos. Cynthia gets paired up with Marlo; Porsha and NeNe, and lastly, Tanya and Kenya. Those two are competitive as hell, and are easily able to put their differences aside for the sake of winning. And win they do!
Meanwhile, the other ladies are a mess. Porsha and NeNe do OK in the first challenge, but the second one, where the teammates have to be stuck together and move as one unit, is a failure when they both plop down in the surf trying to fill a water cup. Marlo and Cynthia can’t even get past the first round which is a super simple obstacle course where you partner directs you what to do. Which means neither one of them would pass kindergarten PE class.
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After that, it’s shopping for goddess attire then back to the villa for a goddess party final dinner and a little surprise. Before the party, Kandi pulls Cynthia aside and proposes a little dinner theater in the form of a Greek Tragedy. The twist is that the tragedy is Kenya and NeNe’s failed friendship. Kandi will play Kenya and Cynthia will play the role of NeNe. And she knows NeNe’s antics so well this should be Emmy-worthy!
Kandi claims the goal will be to show how their own stubbornness is preventing them from moving forward. Cynthia seems skeptical but she wants to add actress to her resume, so she goes along with it. Kandi is already rehearsing for The Chi and now considers herself ‘method.’
But seriously Kandi had to know that neither one of these women was in the mood for a PBS After School Special about getting along and finding common ground. This relationship is beyond repair and that’s fine. Kenya and NeNe both take themselves waaaaaaaay, waaaaaaay too seriously, so there’s no way they’ll ever meet in the middle.
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After the women fend off stray cats trying to eat their dinner and choose their goddess names, it’s back to fending off each other. Kandi announces that she and Cynthia have a little after dinner theater show. When NeNe learns the plan she immediately sours and pretends she needs to use the restroom. Marlo suggests it’s number 2, but Porsha figures it’s Number 3 – go straight to Atlanta.
The producers actually try to stop NeNe at the door, predicting she’s planning to vacate the party and hole up in her room for the duration of the night. And that is definitely the plan! NeNe is so uptight.
Kenya is also clearly annoyed and not particularly into the prank, but puts on a stiff upper lip and at least pretends to go along with it. Luckily she and all the women are saved by NeNe’s tantrum, because without half of the guests of honor, there’s no point in putting on the performance. Cynthia’s Broadway debut canceled. Oh, well, there’s always Chicago! Eventually, the women trickle off to bed to pack and prepare for the long trek back to Atlanta. And Kenya to confront the inevitable of her marriage being over.
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They came all across the ocean and instead of resolving anything, their problems just got worse. Like the tides and NeNe’s hair dos, up and down, everything constantly goes.
TELL US – SHOULD KENYA FORGIVE NENE?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
