The premiere of Southern Charm was the epitome of perfect reality TV, thanks to the cast staying true to themselves. The cameras cut as Taylor Ann Green was going in hard on Craig Conover, who frankly wasn’t having any of it. I was questioning where the rest of the Charleston women were since they were nowhere to be found while Taylor was truly embarrassing herself at the wedding party. Even though Taylor believed that Craig was “sitting on some information” about Shep allegedly cheating on her, the Sewing Down South founder kept denying the allegations, leading some viewers to worry that Taylor may be turning into the next Kathryn Dennis.
Episode 2 picks up with Olivia Flowers embracing her housewife side, learning quickly there is no reason to cry over exploded oatmeal in the microwave as she prepares for her date with Rod Razavi. Venita Aspen is still giving all the fashion, especially with her dog, Charles, whose tail has been dyed teal, but I need these women to pick up their storylines, stat.
Taylor has fresh eyes in the morning
Nothing is worse than waking up after a severely bad evening and one too many pink cocktails. But to add insult to injury, Taylor is still clearly nursing a broken heart as she confided in her roommate that this was the first time she had seen Shep Rose in months, which is bound to make any woman lose their plot. Taylor descriptively owned her feelings, noting you know that feeling when “Your heart drops to your butt,” leaving her roommate a bit put off by her breakfast.
Taylor may have forgotten that she questioned Paige DeSorbo’s loyalty to Craig, but the lawyer has not. He’s likely to hold those words against her. While speaking in a confessional, Craig condemned the outburst, telling cameras, “Look, what Taylor said about Paige, it’s bullsh*t. But I know what Taylor’s dealing with; she didn’t mean it. And who am I to hold this above her head?” Well, well, well, is it possible our little Craig has matured? Fans were quickly brought back to reality when Craig said, “Do I think any good can come from telling Paige this? No.” Yikes, it looks like he may be on damage control for a bit of the season.
Impressing Leva would be a big deal
Thankfully, at least one Southern Charm star seems to have their head on their shoulders. Taylor decided to see Leva Bonaparte in hopes of getting a fresh perspective on things. Did anyone know Taylor switched jobs and is now in sales? No? Me either! Leva didn’t waste time as Taylor jumped into her Sunday Scaries story, leaving the restaurateur gobsmacked. Turns out Taylor gave literally everything up, including her job as an orthodontics assistant, to travel with Shep. Then, he let her down. Lord, I hope this is a redemption season for this girl; she needs it!
It doesn’t look like Taylor is cut out to be a sales rep for a canned alcohol brand. Viewers were forced to cover their eyes and watch through their fingers as the blonde tried to pitch Leva. The drinks got stuck in the box, Taylor couldn’t stop saying “um,” and everyone wanted to melt into the background. Luckily, Leva had some profound advice: “This is why I would never quit my job for a dude.” Amen.
Madison is pretending not to like sex toys
During the premiere, Taylor gifted Madison LeCroy and her husband a bright vibrator in hopes of a better sex life than she currently has as a single woman. The gift was thoughtful, in a weird, ‘your husband may not be good enough’ way. But, it was totally ill-mannered for such an occasion as Madison’s party. The mother of one is seen at home unboxing the gift, saying “yeah, no” right before tossing the neon dildo in the trash. Ma’am, at least donate it to a single girl in need.
Golf is a gentleman’s sport
Correct me if I am wrong, but something about Shep, Craig, and Austen Kroll only works within reality TV’s parameters. If guys acted so foolishly outside Southern Charm’s realm, they would have no charm and be mocked. While I wouldn’t want to date any of these three men, their odd behaviors somehow work for them. It may be what keeps us all tuning in. Case in point: when fans were introduced to Jarrett “JT” Thomas, the group’s newest member.
Instead of gossiping around the water cooler, the guys take it to the tee, where it is shared that Austen is still quite close with Taylor. So much for bro code. It turns out JT has some inside information revealing that Taylor spent the night at Austen’s home, noting that having a friend’s ex stay over was “murky” at best.
Apparently, Shep is still in love with Taylor but still suffering from Peter Pan syndrome. He hides it well, claiming there are “more fish in the sea, my friend.” Drunk Shep showed up and out at Uptown, noting that he wouldn’t be surprised if Austen and Taylor got together – foreshadowing runs deep when you have a sip of Trop Hop!
Southern Charm Season 9 airs Thursdays at 9/8c on Bravo.
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