Last night on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo we were treated to more redneck living. It's sort of becoming an anthropology experiment at this point. This time we examined their diet in the wild. Don't these people have some pageants to do?
Anyway things begin with the local morning trek to mecca, aka the convenience store about 100 yards from their house. Mama, tired of the girls, ships them off to procure the daily necessities. Apparently Pumpkin often makes this journey styled in what the manager calls the "Bam Bam Look" – which means NO SHOES. Whatever happened to No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service?
Yes – the employees know them all by name as they're reg'lars at the slurpee machine. Pumpkin spends so many hours hanging out there Mama has to call her to come home. Wasn't this a Family Guy episode? Whaddya wanna bet Pumpkin manages that convenience store some day and then starts her own franchise. Dream big. Big as a pumpkin!
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Then Honey and Sugar Bear go on a father/daughter date to the Fun Factory. Sugar is excited as he doesn't get to spend enough time with the girls due to work. He reveals that when Honey was born she "took his breath away." I kinda definitely adore him. He's so sweet and genuine.
At the Fun Factory they play video games, ski ball, the usual and then decide to go roller skating. Something neither of them has ever done. Sugar puts Honey's skates on the wrong feet which doesn't help things, but she has two left feet anyway so it doesn't matter. They both go ass over teacups a few times and then decide skates are for city folk and slide around on their socks.
Where were all the other people at the Fun Factory? Honey is too cute the whole day and they have a blast together. Honey wins a big pink hammer. Bonk!
Back at home, Chickadee is two weeks from her due date and mis'rble. Mama has concerns that she's not grown up enough for a baby. No sense crying over spilled Pepsi, as they say. This leads to a lenghty discussion about the birthing process which includes talking about moon pies, ewing on oneself, hemorrhoids, and how many of mama's fingers equal three centimeters. And yes, she volunteers to stick one up there and check Ana's dilation. Honey lets us know that birthing babies is disgusting. Oh, girl… don't we know it!
After that they play a game of "Fragrances." It's a little like going to Macys and testing out all the perfumes except instead you blindfold yourself and try to guess someone's breath by having them breathe in your face. Really? Really? Ugh… Apparently everyone in that family either smells like A-S-S or booty boo. Pumpkin readily confesses to not brushing her teeth, like, ever.
Mama uses the opportunity to seduce Sugar Bear by giving him "smexy" kisses. Then Mama gets some smexy kisses of her own when Jessica holds the dog up to her face. This makes Anna laugh so hard she pees her pants all the way through to the sofa! Seriously! There was a piss spot on the sofa – and Mama verified it by smelling it. The worst part was that Anna didn't even change her pants and Mama had to go yell at her to put on new ones before she sat back on the sofa IN THE SAME SPOT! OK – how old is this girl?
Mama dubs Jessica "champion of the breath blowers" and declares that the whole family has bad breath all the time and she doesn't know why. Oh, I could guess… fried chicken, Doritos, Funyons, soda, not buying a tooth brush in the last five years? I think I'd rather hear about Forklift Foot than bad breath. Oh, the options are so terrible. I fail to see how one can win a pageant with no teeth. Guess that's what "flippers" are for!
Sitting in front of the food haul, wearing matching hot pink striped shirts, the Boo Boos decide to do a lemonade stand to raise money for pageants. 'Cept no one can spell "lemonade." Luckily, that doesn't matter – sugar does. The secret to making lemonade? 5lbs of sugar a bottle of lemon juice. Mama says a lot of sugar makes it pungent just the way she likes it.
Honey stands out on the road bellowing at the top of her lungs to attract customers and it works. She made $25. Good for her. She worked hard for it and celebrated by cutting out to go swimming. I love the expression "cut out."
Don't worry – we're treated to more of Mama's cooking for dinner. It's a little delicacy known as "sketti." Apparently they are off the "road kill call" since deer aren't grazing and getting run over in front of their house no more so Mama is reduced to feeding the whole family off her couponing endeavors. She informs us she feeds everyone on $80 a week. Uhhh… I don't think she's counting all the trips to the 7-11 in that figure! Or Mama caint add too good.
One of their favorite meals is sketti. What is sketti you ask? Well first you make spaghetti noodles. Then you mix up a batch of KETCHUP combined with heaping scoops of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. Then you microwave that – in plastic – until it's all liquidy and then pour it over the noodles.
Apparently this is a secret family recipe and it's how Mama was raised as well. While she's stirring margarine into Kroger catsup, Honey is standing on the counter. Then Mama checks to see if the noodles are done by throwing them against the wall. Sugar Bear says Mama is a good cook, but sadly she only does it about once a day. The rest of the time they eat coupon food and convenience store snacks. Apparently that's just how mama budgets!
So yeah, ending on a high note. Who wants sketti?!
[Photo Credit: TLC.com]
TELL US – ARE YOU SURPRISED THE BOO BOOS DON'T BRUSH THEIR TEETH? WHAT WAS THE GROSSEST MOMENT OF LAST NIGHT'S SHOW?
